Aldous Pennyfarthing

Trump's new blog gets pathetically low engagement: analysis

I say "schaden," you say "freude"!


I can't hear you!

Okay, we'll come back to that.

This is all you need to know for the time being. Donald J. Trump's "From the Desk of" blog (link not available) is a big dumpy pile of impotent derp.

From NBC News:

The ex-president's blog has drawn a considerably smaller audience than his once-powerful social media accounts, according to engagement data compiled with BuzzSumo, a social media analytics company. The data offers a hint that while Trump remains a political force, his online footprint is still dependent on returning to Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.
Trump's new blog has attracted a little over 212,000 engagements, defined as backlinks and social interactions — including likes, shares and comments — received across Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Reddit. Before the ban, a single Trump tweet was typically liked and retweeted hundreds of thousands of times.

Hmm, maybe he could launch a GeoCities page. Or have they banned him, too?

Of course, none of this is a huge surprise. While Trump's blog isn't quite as embarrassing as the MyPillow dude's, it's still Mickey Mouse shit. Emphasis on shit.

Jeremy Blackburn, an assistant professor of computer science at New York's Binghamton University who co-wrote some of this research, said Trump's move is even more limiting.
"In the case of Trump's new platform, it is so technologically primitive that there is no way for his followers to even migrate," Blackburn said. "Who cares about a platform where you can't even own the libs? There are plenty of other newsletters that people have been adding to their spam boxes for years."

The Trump-ectomy continues. Now Facebook needs to ensure the big bloaty scrote dirigible never returns. Maybe we can make some noise about that.

Schadenfreude, babies. It feels so good.

'Gloating about voter supression': Sen. Cornyn promotes WaPo story about GOP plan to seize power via gerrymandering

Good gourd, did he only read the headline? Or is he really this cynical about the GOP's ongoing campaign to rule with an iron fist over a majority of Americans, most of whom would rather tuck into a charcuterie board of brine-pickled assholes than ever vote Republican?

Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) is apparently pleased as punch that Texas' influx of likely Democratic-leaning residents will nevertheless be turned into an electoral advantage for Republicans, and he's telegraphing his Machiavellian glee to the world.


The headline, which Cornyn replicates in his post, reads, "Texas's population boom should be a boon to Democrats. But Republicans are reaping the gains."

Does that mean—as you might assume, given that Cornyn is a loyal Republican—that Republicans are wooing these voters to their side, despite what appears to be a Democratic advantage? Ha ha ha ha ha! No, of course not. It means they're cheating in order to maintain their feeble grasp on power.

The Washington Post:

Yet the change coming to Texas is, for now, likely to be the opposite of what one might expect. The state's growth — fueled overwhelmingly by people of color in its largest cities and their close-in suburbs — should be cause for celebration among Democrats.

But because of the way the GOP-controlled legislature is expected to redraw congressional districts, this growth is predicted to be a boon for Republicans instead. When coupled with new lines in states such as Florida and Georgia, it might even be enough to flip control of the House in next year's midterm elections.

"Gerrymandering is an easy road map to a Republican majority," said Michael Li, senior counsel at the Brennan Center for Justice, a nonpartisan law and policy institute. "They have a lot of incentive to be very aggressive."

Got that? While demographic trends are decidedly not in the GOP's favor, they're going to twist congressional districts into pretzels until they get the outcomes they want. That's called gerrymandering. Another word for it would be "cheating." Coincidentally enough, this is just the kind of thing the For the People Act, which Republicans hate, was created to stop.

Needless to say, Twitter had some salty responses:

So Republicans are power-mad enemies of democracy. That part we knew. The alarming bit is that they're not even trying to hide it anymore.

Trump rants about 2020 election as MAGA cultist claims the former president 'has never actually been wrong'

I used to occasionally argue with MAGAs before I realized I'd have better luck trying to convince Wile E. Coyote not to jump off the cliff in his Acme Batman Suit. He always jumps, and it always ends in disaster.

I've never understood how you can spend more than a minute watching Donald Trump and not know he's a con man. From day one, his administration held roughly the same promise as a Groupon for a Tijuana donkey show—and it still managed to disappoint. MAGAs are sure Trump was sent by God, but if there's any kind of divine intercession happening, it's a lusty supernatural dick punch. And, anyway, God was unable to stop Joe Biden's inauguration, so there's that.

But it's now an article of faith among Republicans that the 2020 election was rigged against Donald Trump—though somehow not against Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, and Susan Collins. In fact, a recent CNN poll showed that 70% of Republicans still think Biden didn't legitimately win the election.

And then there's this nut:

So as you can clearly see, consensus reality just isn't their thing anymore. And the delusions simply won't clear away. Take, for instance, this soupçon of lunacy from a MAGA mite in Michigan.

The Washington Post:

Debra Ell, a Republican organizer in Michigan and fervent supporter of former president Donald Trump, said she has good reason to believe the 2020 presidential election was stolen.
"I think I speak for many people in that Trump has never actually been wrong, and so we've learned to trust when he says something, that he's not just going to spew something out there that's wrong and not verified," she said, referring to Trump's baseless claims that widespread electoral fraud caused his loss to President Biden in November.

"Trump has never actually been wrong."

I don't even know where to start. Well, okay, I do. I'll open with disinfectant in your veins and humbly rest my case with sunlamps up your ass. I really don't think we need to go any further than that.

But, hey, I'm sure the Branch Davidians thought David Koresh was infallible, too. Ditto for Jim Jones and Charlie Manson.

This sort of doctrinal purity has corroded what's left of the Republican Party. Rep. Liz Cheney is now persona non grata among many of her fellow travelers because she voted to impeach Trump, and Sen. Lisa Murkowski, who voted to convict Adipose Wrecks, is now poised to get a MAGA primary challenger. And Republicans in Arizona recently approved the silliest, most unhinged, most nakedly partisan election audit in our nation's history.

But this delusion-palooza isn't just happening in D.C. and Arizona. It's metastasized throughout the country.

The Post:

Several local Republicans have either stepped down or been forced out of their party positions for not supporting Trump's baseless election claims or for criticizing the former president's role in inciting the deadly Capitol riot. In Iowa — after telling a local newspaper that Trump should be impeached for his "atrocious conduct" in egging on the Jan. 6 attacks — Dave Millage was called a "traitor" and forced to step down as chair of the Scott County Republican Party. In Missouri, the state's Republican Party executive director, Jean Evans, resigned from her term several weeks early amid angry and threatening calls from Trump supporters, who urged her to do more to help Trump hold onto the White House after his loss in November.

I have mixed feelings about this. If the Republican Party is divided along sane/insane fault lines, that might dilute its power. That said, the insane contingent appears to be winning, while the sanes have either been intimidated into toeing the new party line or are in the process of being exiled to Snake Island.

And what can we do? Not much, other than sit back and watch the GOP self-destruct while hoping the collateral damage can somehow be contained.

After all, there's simply no arguing with "Trump has never actually been wrong."

Where can you possibly go from there, other than to hell and back?

'I have to compose myself': Doctor smacks down Orange County Republican who asked if COVID vaccine embeds a tracking device

To be honest, I'm not all that concerned that the COVID vaccine I took last Friday might have a tracking device in it. For one thing, it doesn't, because that would be bonkers. For another, I can't fathom who the hell would want to track me. I can just imagine the folks at the NSA gawking at my 24-hour feed and thinking, "He's going to the cupboard again? How many Little Debbie Fig Bars can one guy eat?"

Also, I have a phone in my pocket that's tracking me pretty much everywhere I go—which is basically nowhere except the aforementioned cupboard. If the government really wants to send in an artillery strike, they can just check the iPhone coordinates. Or look up my address, FFS.

Honestly, Republicans need to come up with better, more plausible horror stories—like that the vaccine contains a cache of self-replicating nanobots that gradually Brundlefly you into a Republican. Now that would give me pause.

Sadly, though, the way this conspiracy theory so effortlessly glides off this doofus' tongue makes me think he represents thousands, if not millions, of his fellow travelers in the International Bizarro World Party.

So for your endless entertainment, here's Don Wagner, a Republican member of the Orange County, California, Board of Supervisors asking Dr. Clayton Chau, director of the county's health care agency, whether his constituents need worry about Joe Biden slipping on his Professor X Cerebro helmet to find out where they hide their freeze-dried bunker snacks:

WAGNER: "Does it … is there any intention of tracking folks?"

CHAU: "Nope."

WAGNER: "Is there any, in the vaccine, we heard about an injection of a tracking device. Is that being done anywhere … in Orange County?"

CHAU: "I'm sorry, I have to compose myself. There's not a vaccine with a tracking device embedded in it that I know of ... exists in the world. Period."

That you know of. As Don Rumsfeld famously noted, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Again, if the government really wants to track me through the vaccine, they're welcome to try. Because if I don't get vaccinated, it'll be really easy to find me. I'll be buried at Evergreen Cemetery next to the other anti-vax dipshits.

Ron Johnson at his most irresponsible: 'I see no reason to be pushing vaccines on people'

I grew up in Wisconsin, so I happen to know there are thousands of Ron Johnsons haunting various backwater dairyland redoubts, oafishly sounding out exotic menu items like "jalapeño poppers" at supper clubs, ordering one brandy Old-Fashioned after another, and dribbling chunky rivulets of tartar sauce down their chins onto musty, antediluvian wool suits as they race against each other to see who can fully transform into giant ambulant pee stains before the bar closes.

And as horrifying as that scene is to a young impressionable child, I wasn't truly horrified until one of these characters became the junior U.S. senator from Wisconsin. (We now refer to him as the senior senator from Wisconsin, and not just because he has no idea how to cancel his 28-year-old AOL account.)

Anyway, this incorrigible clown penis was on Vicki McKenna's Madison, Wisconsin-based radio show on Thursday, and displayed a lack of logic and wealth of ignorance befitting the Badger State's worst Ron Johnson.

Johnson offered this toxic, wilted word salad.


JOHNSON: "From my standpoint, because it's not a fully approved vaccine, I think we probably should have limited the distribution to it to the vulnerable, to people that really aren't … to the very young, I see no reason to be pushing vaccines on people and I certainly am going to vigorously resist any kind of government abuse or imposing of vaccine passports, but the private sector gets to do it for government, and that could be a very freedom-robbing step, and people need to understand these things. So again, you're talking about climate change is the next step. I don't think they're going to let go of COVID anytime soon. What is the point? The science tells us the vaccines are 95% effective. So if you have a vaccine, quite honestly, what do you care if your neighbor has one or not? What is it to you? You've got a vaccine and science is telling you it's very, very effective. So why is this big push to make sure everybody gets a vaccine? And to the point where you better impose it, you're going to shame people, you're going to force them to carry a card to prove that they've been vaccinated so that they can participate in society. I'm getting highly suspicious of what's happening here."

(Note: McKenna hasn't posted her archives as of this writing, so I'm not sure about the context of this clip, other than that these two people are consistently fucking awful.)

Okay, as for not being a "fully approved vaccine," Johnson appears to be acknowledging that the COVID-19 vaccines are currently being offered through an FDA emergency use authorization. Not sure if you can reasonably say that that means they're not "fully approved," but either way, it certainly doesn't mean they're not safe.

As the FDA itself explains, "Clinical trials are evaluating investigational COVID-19 vaccines in tens of thousands of study participants to generate the scientific data and other information needed by FDA to determine safety and effectiveness. These clinical trials are being conducted according to the rigorous standards set forth by the FDA."

First of all, this hesitancy is a little ironic. After all, had it been up to Donald Trump, we probably would have had "fully approved" vaccines last April made of fairy dust, cat piss, and nougat. That said, there's no reason to fear these vaccines, no matter what your age.

Secondly, if companies require vaccine passports to allow people to "participate in society," that's a free-market decision. For some reason, I thought Johnson and his ilk were fans of the free market. Business owners deciding not to let pestilent peeps on their premises is a hallmark of freedom.

Finally, a 95% effective vaccine is excellent, but that means that it's 5% ineffective. I know I wouldn't go to Disneyland if there was a 5% chance I'd get shot in the head. I mean, if I'm stuck all afternoon at Disneyland, I want the sweet release of death to be assured. (Okay, Disneyland was a bad example. Let's say Dave & Buster's.)

Also, there's the matter of variants. Johnson may claim to believe in evolution, but that doesn't mean he understands it. The longer we let this virus run rampant, the bigger the chance it will mutate into a pathogen that can break through the vaccines—in which case we'll basically be starting all over again.

So, yes, this is about as irresponsible—and dumb—as it gets. But what else could you possibly expect from RoJo the Clown?

'Not even student work': IT experts snicker at MyPillow guy's flailing 'free speech' site

After all the excitement surrounding the launch of Mike "MyPillow Guy" Lindell's Frank Speech vanity project, things appear to have died down quickly. Earlier in the week, the site at least featured the collected works of the biggest 'lection loons in the U.S., and there appeared to be a sign-up screen for all those brutally censored patriots who couldn't wait for a safe space in which to call Hillary Clinton a baby blood-drinking Illuminati reptile person—without ever swearing or using the Lord's name in vain, of course.

Today? You've got Lindell's Frankathon running on a continuous loop, and Absolute Interference, the latest Mike Lindell joint that's supposed to convince nine Supreme Court justices to unanimously overturn the November election, is loitering on the home page like a guy at Dunkin' Donuts who tells every new customer that the COVID-19 vaccines are made of communist mouse farts, evil alien nanobots, and ghee.

In other words, Lindell's site is a huge, huge fail, and it doesn't look like its fortunes will turn around anytime soon, because—and I know this is hard to accept, but it appears to be true—Mike Lindell is basically just a fleshy vessel for the glorification of '70s pornstaches, whose expertise is limited to hawking subpar pillows and melting women's hearts into libidinous puddles of yearning with the titillating timber of his voice.

So where did the launch of a complex social media platform fail where the stuffing of pillowcases with cheap shredded foam so clearly succeeded? Oh, lordy, let us count the ways.

Lindell used Drupal to launch his site, but according to the coders Salon talked to, his team failed to follow even the most basic guidelines for effectively using the service.

From Salon:

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell's social media site FRANK is facing ridicule from the community of "grandmasters" around the content management software Drupal, who say Lindell's site was destined to fail from the start because his developers failed to take "elementary" coding steps to limit attacks from outside forces. Since its supposed "VIP launch" last Thursday night, Lindell's platform has experienced numerous crashes, and at this writing on Thursday evening the site remains down.
Drupal's site explains that its software is "used to make many of the websites and applications you use every day. Drupal has great standard features, like easy content authoring, reliable performance, and excellent security." Drupal is open source, meaning that anyone can download it or modify it as they please — but it helps if they know what they're doing.

"It helps if they know what they're doing." Pfft. Everything is possible with God. Except this, apparently.

Now, I know about as much about launching a social media platform as Lindell knows about successfully cutting his own hair, and that's why you hire experts—which Lindell apparently neglected to do.

One IT maven who spoke to Salon said that Drupal simply isn't the right service for building out the kind of social media platform Lindell envisions, because it isn't designed to host such a large volume of user content. "In my professional opinion, it will be extremely unlikely, if not impossible, for Lindell to accomplish his vision with Drupal and his own servers," the expert said. "Despite how much I love it, Drupal simply isn't the right tool for the number of users with the features that he wants to provide. It would take a massive effort of 12 to 18 months to build out the needed hosting setup and application architecture, and this would come with an enormous degree of risk. The idea that he could do this in just a couple of months is patently absurd, and I think the results speak for themselves."

Another expert on the Drupal platform was even less diplomatic.

"This is a shit show," the expert said, calling this an "obvious" issue that coders learn how to prevent in "Drupal 101." Other "grandmasters" poked fun at the developers' mistakes, which were described as "extremely obvious" and juvenile in nature. One expert concluded that, based on the evidence, Lindell's developer team was inexperienced and lacked basic knowledge, and described the output of the pillow magnate's alleged 10-person staff as "not even student work."

This is what the site looks like as of this writing. It was supposed to be fully functional and ready for the general public on April 19.

ScreenShot2021-04-24at9.19.24AM.png ScreenShot2021-04-24at9.19.33AM.png Note the icons for all the evil Big Tech companies Lindell claims are destroying our country.

So if you want to watch the Frankathon again … and again … and again, or if you feel somehow compelled to watch Lindell's latest kookaburra film (movie night at your house, Justice Sotomayor?), this is the site for you.

Unfortunately, your own voice has been silenced, because the MyPillow Guy is myopic.

Guess we just have to wait for Donald Trump's new social media site, coming soon, courtesy of

Tucker Carlson's latest shtick gets big thumbs-up from white nationalist hate group

My father helped run a construction company when I was a kid, and he was pretty hands-on with his work. While he was perfectly at home in the office drawing up plans (or whatever construction guys do; I never had much interest in his profession, though I know he was good at it), he did occasionally regale us kids with tales of the times he had to crawl through sewers to find something or other. (I assume he was looking for leaks, though again, these stories didn't really resonate with me because they didn't end with him being accosted by a Star Wars trash-compactor monster or, say, Ripley.)

Never in a million years did I think I'd follow in his footsteps—until now. Because, my good fellow travelers, "crawling through a sewer" is basically what I had to do to bring you this tweet. And it's a doozy.

Commenting on the recent nativist rhetoric of Tucker Carlson—the frozen TV dinner of frozen TV dinner heirs—VDARE, a bona fide right-wing hate group, gave ol' Tucker a hale and hearty huzzah.

For the nontweeters: "This segment is one of the best things Fox News has ever aired and was filled with ideas and talking points pioneered many years ago. You should watch the whole thing."

And what was in this "great" Tucker segment? As VDARE noted in its synopsis, it's chock-full of hysterical fear vis-à-vis brown people:

Fox News host Tucker Carlson came out swinging against his critics who called for his termination. His offense? He dared mention the Great Replacement. Tucker made it clear Monday night he had nothing to apologize for.
Demographic change is the key to the Democratic party's political ambitions. Let's say that again for emphasis because it is the secret to the entire immigration debate. Demographic change is the key to the Democratic party's political initiative. In order to win and maintain power, Democrats plan to change the population of the country.
He brought up California to prove his point. He explained how the state once voted for Republicans, but now is overwhelming blue thanks to mass immigration. He blamed Ronald Reagan, one of the last Republicans to win the state.

Hear that? Ronald Reagan was a mushy-headed bleeding-heart liberal. This is how far off the beam these folks have fallen.

Incidentally, the Southern Poverty Law Center has designated VDARE a white nationalist hate group. In its description of the organization, SPLC notes that "regularly publishes articles by prominent white nationalists, race scientists and anti-Semites."

So this is who Tucker Carlson is, just in case you were wondering: a hero of the noxious, racist right. The Anti-Defamation League called for Carlson's ouster after he invoked the racist "great replacement theory" last Thursday, and now he's doubled down, in the process earning himself enthusiastic praise from white nationalists.

He knows what he's doing and, more importantly, Fox News knows what he's doing. And yet he persists. I mean, just because Tucker Carlson looks like a roadie for Kenny G doesn't mean he's not vicious as hell.

His latest dog-whistling is proof enough of that.

John Boehner bashes fellow Ohioan Jim Jordan

Former House Speaker John Boehner has been on quite a roll lately as he plugs his book On the House: A Washington Memoir.

In a clip from the audio version of his book, Boehner told Sen. Ted Cruz to go fuck himself, which, as Cruz's former Princeton roommate Craig Mazin can confirm, Ted has some experience with.

Boehner was also recently the jagged stone in Donald Trump's clown shoe, telling the following unflattering tale about our pustulant ex-POTUS.

The Daily Beast:

In an extract from ex-House Speaker John Boehner's book, he recounts a frosty end to a game of golf with Trump in the 2000s. As the round was set to begin, Trump asked Boehner's staffer BJ for the names of the two insurance execs who were joining them. "'I think they're Joe and Jeff," BJ told him. So Trump said hello to Joe and hello to Jeff and we set off," Boehner wrote. However, at the end of the game, the execs revealed their names were actually Mike and David, and they shared an awkward laugh. "But Donald—well, Trump did not laugh," Boehner wrote. "He marched over to BJ and got right in his face to the point that BJ might have had to take a step or two back. Then Trump shouted, 'What are you, some kind of idiot?' ... 'You want to know how to remember somebody's name?... You fucking LISTEN!'" The former speaker added: "This was real anger, over something very, very small. We had no idea then what that anger would do to our country."

Again, Republicans across the country really need to ask themselves why a guy most of them wouldn't hire to squeegee the walls of a peep-show booth is somehow qualified to be president. I sure as shit can't answer that for them because I remain, as always, gobsmacked.

Of course, Boehner is old-school—which in Republican circles these days means "nearly sane" and "totally irrelevant." Today's GOP doesn't want assiduous lawmakers willing to compromise in order to foster mutual benefit for all Americans. They want know-nothing grifters who make marginally less sense than Gary Busey trying to recite IKEA futon-assembly instructions in Farsi.

Enter Jim Jordan, a useless slab of jowl who appears to exist merely to give a leg up to the global sport coat industry. Jordan and Boehner served together as part of the Ohio congressional delegation, and Boehner got a close-up look at Gym's perduring awfulness.

On the latest edition of CBS Sunday Morning, Boehner sat down with reporter John Dickerson and spilled loads of tea on his ex-colleague.

DICKERSON: "You call some of these members political terrorists."
BOEHNER: "Oh, yeah, Jim Jordan especially, my colleague from Ohio. I just never saw a guy who spent more time tearing things apart and never building anything, never putting anything together."

Oh, and Boehner wasn't done with Cancun Cruz, either.

DICKERSON (VOICEOVER): "And then there's Sen. Ted Cruz, who Boehner says is the ultimate false prophet."
BOEHNER: "I don't beat anybody up. It's not really my style—except that jerk. Perfect symbol, you know, of getting elected, make a lot of noise, draw a lot of attention to yourself, raise a lot of money, which means you're gonna go make more noise, raise more money, and it's really, it's unfortunate."

I'm not sure how the Republican Party can be fixed—though spaying and neutering would be a good start.

That said, a good number of them don't even want to sit still for a COVID vaccine, so I wouldn't hold my breath.

Insurrectionist experiences 'shock' over being held with people accused of 'inner city crimes'

I've never seen so many snowflakes in my life, and I grew up in Wisconsin.

It's still mind-boggling that so many Trumpaloompas thought they could storm the U.S. Capitol, openly engage in a violent insurrection, and then grab some Arby's on the way home and chill with a box of Fiddle Faddle while the rest of us totally forgot about this picayune kerfuffle.

It's almost as if white people have been conditioned to think they have nothing to fear from the law.

Rachel Weiner is a reporter for The Washington Post who has the latest on one of the foot soldiers in Donald J. Trump's Jan. 6 Bumblefuck Putsch:

For the nontweeters:

Lawyer for Tommy Webster, retired NYPD cop accused of beating an MPD officer with flagpole on #J6, says his client is in a "dormitory setting" with people serving time for "inner-city crimes" - "for a middle aged guy whose never been arrested before this has been a shock for him"
Webster has a "sparkling record" with the NYPD which led to "the lofty assignment of protecting the mayor," attorney says - but if he won't be released he wants him moved back to jail in upstate New York
(He's not in D.C., where riot detainees are in a separate wing, causing friction on both sides -- like others arrested elsewhere he's been moved around the country on the way to D.C.)

I hope that somewhere within the pages of Joe Biden's omnibus infrastructure bill is an earmark for trillions of tiny violin-fabricating nanobots, because I don't think modern science can possibly shrink them down any further. And there's a huge demand, let me tell you.

Oh, and "inner city crimes," eh? What the fuck does this look like?


Oh, that's not what they meant by "inner city"? Yeah, I know. We all know.

I've pretty much had it with the "aw, shucks, these are good folks who got a little too rambunctious" shtick. Does Webster think he deserves to await trial in the exclusive white's-only insurrectionists' suite?

By the way, here's what this model citizen allegedly did on Jan. 6, according to CBSN New York:

As CBS2's Dick Brennan reports, 54-year-old Thomas Webster is a former NYPD officer and Marine, but authorities say on Jan. 6, during the Capitol riot, he was "like a junkyard dog, teeth bared, fists clenched."
Prosecutors say that he "attacked a police officer with an aluminum pole and ripped off his protective gear and gas mask, causing the officer to choke."

What a prince.

Yeah, maybe he shouldn't be held with poor inner city Black men who await trial on petty, low-level drug offenses. He'll scare the shit out of them.

Lauren Boebert mocked for tweeting bizarre Easter message

He is risen! Suck on a hyssop stick, haters and losers!

I'm not quite sure what's going on here. Is she plugging the King of Kings' uncensored comedy podcast, or are they finally letting Yeshua bar Yosef compete on cooking shows, even though he keeps using his loaves-and-fishes powers to fuck up everyone else's panko-crusted salmon cakes?

Presumably Lauren Boebert is a Christian and isn't actively trying to profane a holy day here, but, honestly, you could have fooled me.

For the nontweeters: "Jesus, uncanceled!"

Okay, it's been a long time since I've been to church, but it seems to me that tossing Jesus Christ in the same basket as Mr. Potato Head and McElligot's Pool is at the very least sacrilege-adjacent.

And, as you likely guessed, Twitter had a field day:

Obviously, no one is canceling Jesus. If they were, Christmas would be canceled, too, and I'd never have any excuse to eat kringle. And that would suck for me. So we can keep Jesus, and Lauren can keep Jesus, as long as we respect and maintain the separation of church and state.

Because you know deep down in your heart, that's the one wall that folks like Lauren Boebert really object to.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate the holiday.

And Happy Passover, Ramadan, and/or Sunday to everyone else.


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