If there’s anything more pathetic than Ted Cruz being pusillanimous, it’s Ted Cruz trying to act tough. Lately he’s been supporting the D.C. trucker convoy—the shambolic caravan of dead-ender, pro-death troglodytes that suddenly seems as culturally relevant as C.W. McCall’s seminal 1975 hit “Convoy.”
Of course, being Ted Cruz, he’s been nothing but openminded and inclusive—at least when it comes to diverse strains of Klansmen. And since his favorite pastime appears to be ineptly faking genuine human emotion, we’re treated to spectacles like this:
Ted really struggling to get out of that truck dropping him off in DC.pic.twitter.com/QQIbR0KO7K— Ron Filipkowski \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\udde6 (@Ron Filipkowski \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\udde6) 1647028839
Jesus TruckNutz-Festooning Christ. The only thing missing is Michael Dukakis’ tank helmet. How much you wanna bet that beard is, like, 98% glued-on gibbon pubes?
Now, I’m not saying I’d do any better than Ted did here. Then again, I’m not trying to pretend I’m a man of the people by encouraging working-class truckers to endanger their lives, their long-term health, and their families’ futures for no discernible reason.
Of course, this is far from the first time Sen. Cruz has fallen on his face attempting to be an everyman. Remember when he called a basketball hoop a basketball “ring”?
Or the time he left his hardworking constituents behind to freeze to death while he Cancuned it out of the country?
Image via Twitter.
But this is arguably more embarrassing, because it explodes the tough-guy myth he’s meticulously tried to cultivate.
Needless to say, I’m not the only one who noticed …
I can\u2019t stop laughing. My God. The way he slams the door and straightens his jacket once it\u2019s over as if he just conquered some great beast.\nIt\u2019s too Fucking much.— Jo \ud83c\udf3b (@Jo \ud83c\udf3b) 1647032325
This. Is. Pathetic. The US Senate, once considered the world\u2019s most deliberative body, now has sitting Senators out riding around in pointless truck convoys.— Vaxxed & Masked (@Vaxxed & Masked) 1647029239
It\u2019s like a PBS nature documentary when an elephant pushes out a baby and it hits the ground all disoriented. The one guy applauding Rafael for not ending up on his face was chef kiss.https://twitter.com/RonFilipkowski/status/1502373959060406276\u00a0\u2026— PoliticOhMyGawd (@PoliticOhMyGawd) 1647031613
Ah, Ted. One day you’ll be accepted. Not by humans, of course—but I can only assume you’ll be a key collaborator for the Reptilians of the Draco Constellation once they finally reveal themselves. Until then ... keep on suckin’.
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