33 Things I Hate About This Election, in No Particular Order
1. When Bernie supporters use “whore” in the pejorative when referring to Hillary
2. When Hillary Clinton said she keeps hot sauce in her bag
3. Marco Rubio’s suits
4. Every reference to Bernie marching with MLK
5. Hillary’s AIPAC speech
6. Donald Trump
7. Everyone who tells me it’s my duty to vote for one of these assholes
8. John Kasich’s haircut
9. Every white woman who says that it’s your feminist duty to vote for Hillary
10. Every dude who says women only vote for Hillary because she’s a woman
11. The fact that after every primary I have to hear clips of Trump’s gross speeches over and over even on fucking NPR
12. That time Hillary pretended to be your abuela
13. Every time a politician tours a poor black neighborhood like they’ve landed in a National Geographic documentary
14. Every time somebody asks Jonathan Chait what he thinks about the election
15. Every dinner party when somebody goes, “Sooo ... how about this election?” and you can’t legally stab them in the eye with a fork
16. Every former high school classmate that you didn’t know was a Trump supporter
17. Every dude who has tried to explain to me how elections work
18. Every time Carly Fiorina vividly imagined seeing video of human fetuses being torn apart
19. That time all the dudes were talking about their dick sizes
20. Every dude who has told Hillary to lower her voice
21. Every poll about which candidate is more “likable”
22. Every reader who is now adding up complaints to demand that I insult Hillary or Bernie a few more times to make this listicle fair
23. Every has-been celebrity who emerged from obscurity just to destroy our childhood with their candidate endorsement
24. Every person who has guessed at my political affiliation from a single tweet and proceeded to lecture me on why that assumed affiliation is wrong
25. Every joke every candidate has tried to make
26. Every person who says that we have to respect the beliefs of racist, hate-filled Trump followers
27. Every person who has used “illegals” in their political posts when referring to living, breathing human beings
28. Every transphobic “bathroom bill”
29. Everybody who has ever used the phrase “American values” without irony
30. Every white dude who thinks that his support of Bernie is a civil rights revolution
31. That time I felt like I had to defend Megyn Kelly
32. Every person on Twitter who thinks they can annoy you into supporting their candidate
33. Bill Clinton
