'Princess Bride' actor unleashes his inner Dread Pirate Roberts on Sen. Ted Cruz

'Princess Bride' actor unleashes his inner Dread Pirate Roberts on Sen. Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz and I share exactly two things in common. We both convert oxygen to carbon dioxide and we both love The Princess Bride. I'm not happy about it, and more than once it's forced me to question my life choices. If I share that with Cruz, what else might we have in common? Did my dad help kill JFK, too? I shudder to think.

Normally, a guy like Cruz would spend his waking hours covered in quicklime and the silt from shallow graves, but instead he ended up in the Senate, where he can do far more damage than any workaday serial killer ever could. (For the record, I've never believed Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. He's more subtle than that—like a flea on a bubonic rat's ass or something.)

Anyway, because there's still some justice in the world, The Princess Bride cast has taken note of Cruz's intractable awfulness and wishes he'd just shut up about the comedy classic already.

On Wednesday, Cary Elwes, the actor who played young Westley, got into it with him.

"Rabid contempt." That's a good one. I might also add "searing hatred" and "unbridled animus." Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments.

Cruz responded, as he is wont to do. For some reason, he thinks continually going out in public looking like a drunk homunculus doesn't expose him to nearly enough ridicule.

Uh-oh, Ted. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders—the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Hollywood actor when your reputation is on the line!"

Whoops! Of course, I have no idea if Cruz or one of his lackeys really forged his name on that photo. Maybe Elwes simply forgot he wrote it. But seriously, if you'd signed a photo of yourself and addressed it to Ted Fucking Cruz, you'd remember, wouldn't you? I mean, it would be like signing Trump's left moob with a Sharpie. Some things you simply can't delete from your brain, no matter how hard you try.

So there you have it. The one thing Donald Trump was honest about during his woeful reign of error was that Ted Cruz is a fucking liar. And here's more evidence. As if you really needed it.

Inconceivable, no?

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

DonateDonate by credit card


Thanks for your support!

Did you enjoy AlterNet this year? Join us! We're offering AlterNet ad-free for 15% off - just $2 per week. From now until March 15th.