Federal agent mocked for telling court he 'could smell onions and mustard' from protestor’s sandwich

Sean Charles Dunn was charged with misdemeanor assault of a federal officer in August after tossing a Subway sandwich at U.S. Customs and Border Protection agent Gregory Lairmore in Washington, D.C., but on Tuesday, Lairmore's testimony at Dunn's federal trial provoked a social media feeding frenzy.

Fox News D.C. producer Jake Gibson reported on X that Lairmore, the government's first witness, testified, "I could feel it through my ballistic vest... it exploded on my chest... I could smell the onions and mustard."

Lawfare senior editor Molly Roberts explains on X that "Defense wants gag gifts provided to the officer after the incident included in discovery. One is a plushie sandwich and another is a patch that says, if I heard correctly, 'Felony Footlong.' Sounds like we won’t end up seeing these physically but will hear them described."

Retired school district administrator Geoff Brown jested back at Roberts, adding, "The only suitable punishment is Sandwich Boarding at a Subway operated black site that is overseen by the ghost of Dick Cheney."

Observers on Blue Sky had a field day with his testimony, with film writer John Rogers posting the New York Times article about the trial along with his own comment, "It's not in this article but the government asserts that the sandwich was thrown at 'point blank range,' which implies subway sandwiches have defined effective weapon ranges of varying lethality, and I would like to see the government's chart of these ranges."

New York Times opinion columnist Jamelle Bouie replied, saying, "at point blank range the right subway sandwich could give a guy high blood pressure!"

Criminal defense attorney and First Amendment litigator Ken White bit back, saying, "The range increments of a full subway sandwich are only 10/20 so you have disadvantage on your throw more than a few paces away."

Author Andrea Pitzer quipped, "Holding out for an execution-style sandwich hit."