Melania Trump unveils new White House tennis court as US COVID deaths approach 300,000

Melania Trump unveils new White House tennis court as US COVID deaths approach 300,000
Photo via the White House.

December 7, 2020 — a day which will live in tennis history!

Big news, dead Americans! You have a new White House tennis court to look down on as you temporarily pry your gaze from the immaculate, eternal, and supremely blissful beatific vision!


Weeks before her family turns the White House over to President-elect Joe Biden, Melania Trump announced Monday that a new tennis pavilion on the south grounds is ready for action.

Oh, yay! That will take the sting out of the swimming pool full of coronavirus and murder hornets we're fixin' to cannonball into this winter.

While it's important to note that the pavilion was paid for with private donations (I guess the optics of gouging taxpayers for a tennis court after spending tens of millions on POTUS' golf trips would be, well, bad), maybe there are better things for the first lady to focus on. Like, say, anything else.

Earlier this year, as the coronavirus pandemic began to take hold in the U.S., the first lady tweeted photos of herself wearing a hard hat while reviewing blueprints for the pavilion.
Her critics lashed out, with some calling the photos insensitive during the coronavirus scare. She pushed back in a follow-up tweet encouraging "everyone who chooses to be negative & question my work at the @WhiteHouse to take time and contribute something good & productive in their own communities."

Hmm, for some reason I'm reminded of this:

Say, what is Melania planning for Christmas this year? Will we see children decked out in adorable Dickensian street urchin couture as they beg for thin gruel from Mitch McConnell, Steve Mnuchin, and Daddy Trump?

Because that would be a theme befitting our current situation.

Or maybe she could depict Balthazar, Caspar, and Melchior showing up on Epiphany Sunday with some gold, frankincense, and millions of Trump ballots they found in a Long John Silver's dumpster somewhere.

Now that would be a focking miracle.

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