A Website for Every Occasion

Is there a heaven and hell? Where is paradise? Can we ever find love or truth or the perfect cheeseburger?

When my internet connection is working and my brain isn't, I sometimes play the Dot-Com game. This involves randomly trying out different names for websites that I think should exist, and then discovering what they're really up to.

Of course, my expectations for what a particular website will be are usually much more idealistic than what I find. For example, in a world run by philosopher-king webmasters, mermaid.com should not be the homepage of a boat cleaning service, and zeus.com ought to be doing something more spectacular than "providing easily configurable Web servers."

Here are some results from my most recent game:

Heaven.com does not exist but for $25 a year, you could receive your email as beelzebub@hell.com, "an email address that people will remember." On the other hand, if you're searching for god.com you will find that He/She doesn't exist.

Creation.com is the homepage of someone who is a "writer, editor, and rat collector." Adam.com is a syndicator of interactive health information, while eve.com is selling beauty products. Both eden.com and paradise.com have been taken over by developers of business software.

Moses.com offers "comfortable web-hosting," while his brother Aaron.com "has been teaching his true wealth principles in Canada for over two decades." Jesus.com "seeks loving women" and also offers the opportunity to "bathe with Jesus" and "date Jesus." The "bathe with Jesus" link features many photos of Jesus bathing alone, along with several photos of some poor woman who found Jesus through his website, and was somehow convinced to join him in his hot tub.

After this disturbing website I tried to seek the calming influence of buddha.com, only to discover that it "is undergoing further development."

Although art.com recently went bankrupt, the proprietor of badart.com is still successfully scouring the U.S. "seeking the most appallingly bad art I can find." He adds that he's purchased many pieces for $5-$10 "but will make them available to you, the collector, for much, much more."

Meanwhile philosophy.com is selling beauty and make-up products while the attempt to discover truth.com failed. Big.com is for sale, while small.com "has not set up their website yet." Bad.com is a porn site, and good.com sells MP3 music players. Optimist.com doesn't exist, but pessimist.com is the home of a heavy metal band whose album "Slaughtering the Faithful" will be released this fall.

Neither fact nor fiction.com exist. There is no hope or virtue, either. Dreams.com is a sex site. Sun sells microsystems, moon features travel handbooks, and stars.com is a "web developers virtual library." Infinity has changed its name to Sungard Trading and Risk Systems, and now specializes in "group-wide interest rate risk management software."

Love.com is the AOL personals page. At first I failed to make a connection to happiness.com but then I discovered it was the site for a magazine which features a "24-page EZ TV schedule." Joy.com is a mining machinery company. Bliss.com is "mid-America's largest real estate appraisal management company." Peace.com offers "advanced solutions for utility and retail energy companies."

The differences between men and women on the internet is perfectly illustrated by the fact that women.com has the goal "of providing women with information, expert advice, community, and shopping on the web," while men.com takes you to a directory of porn sites.

Lenin.com is the online source for the writings of Vladimir Lenin, but marx.com offers software security items. Mao.com must get a lot of dot-com game traffic because its homepage says that Mao "is registered to a small business. You have most likely arrived here in error." A cybersquatter has registered Ghandi.com and is actively trying to resell it.

King.com features photos from Peter and Lori King's beach vacation. Monarchy.com appears to have abdicated its homepage. Dictator.com is part of the German based Dictator Group, "for more than 60 years a well-known source for elevator, building, and machinery products." Monolith.com provides "business intelligence", while anarchy.com "is still very under construction."

Is their other intelligent life in the universe? Possibly. But on the internet, life.com was not found. However, death.com "is undergoing further development." We'll just have to wait to see what they come up with.

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