Editors' Note: The headline in the Vanity Fair article referenced below has been changed to reflect that Trump never said "kicking and screaming." We have also changed our headline to reflect a more accurate situation. AlterNet regrets the error.

OK, then!

If Trump's going to be dragged out kicking and screaming, who do we send in to do the honors? In all cases assume several large law enforcement / Secret Service agents are there to convey the "don't even think about it, Teenythumbs" message.

Barack Obama

This is the "twist the knife" option. There's probably no face Trump would less like to see under those circumstances.

Jimmy Carter

If gravitas were gravity, President Carter would have an event horizon. It'd be like the end of the Dark Crystal, as Skeksis Trump meets his antithesis in the Mystic Carter. Except Jimmy would survive — not sure about Donald.

All 4 living ex Presidents

More respect than Trump deserves, certainly, but it would convey to the nation that Trump was behaving badly.

Chief Justice Roberts

Again, probably more respect than Trump deserves, but it'd be a message.

Roberts and Nancy Pelosi

The other two branches of government come in to tell the ex-President it's time to go.

Joseph R. Biden

"Will you shut up and get out of my bedroom?"

Some random DC police officer

Preferably a black woman, but just some ordinary cop doing their job. Unlikely that they'd just send whoever was on duty for this one, though.

FBI agents. With some warrants.

Unlikely they'll have an indictment ready to drop Jan. 20th. But a guy can dream, right?

Someone who lost several family members to COVID-19

Secret Service, be on your toes. But a slapped face you can let go, right?

Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson

The two people he might listen to — if we want to preserve his dignity, for the sake of the office.

Seal Team Six

No, not to kill him. Just to convey the message that the Pentagon is also tired of his shit.