Much Ado About Winona
Poor Winona Ryder. The Hollywood actress can't seem to get a break these days, and when she does, it's a bad one. On June 3, while returning from a court recess for her preliminary hearing on charges of second-degree burglary, grand theft, vandalism and possession of a drug without a prescription, Ryder was whacked in the arm with a television camera, amid a flurry of photographers, TV crews and paparazzi waiting to capture her inevitable fall from glory.
It turned out to be a fracture to her right arm -- the same arm she injured while filming the Adam Sandler vehicle, "Mr. Deeds," due for release June 28. Save for her top billing, Winona is noticeably absent in billboards and print ads promoting the movie.
Sony Pictures, which is distributing Mr. Deeds, may be anticipating the worst for their doe-eyed star, who was arrested Dec. 12, 2001 for allegedly stealing $4,760 worth of merchandise from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills and possessing painkillers without a prescription.
On Feb. 1, Ryder, 30, was charged with the multiple felonies, including possession of Oxycodone, a morphine derivative. Beverly Hills Superior Court Judge Elden S. Fox has ruled that there is sufficient evidence for Ryder on all four charges. Ryder's arraignment is scheduled for June 14. Fox reiterated that the media stay 10 feet away from Ryder, perhaps to prevent another camera run-in.
In the months leading to her June trial, the events of what actually went down have taken comic -- no, mythic -- turns. Police report that Ryder cut herself removing security tags from items she allegedly stole, leaving bloodstains in a dressing room. In a Mar. 12, 2002 article in the Los Angeles Times, Ann W. O'Neill wrote that she had viewed the 90-minute store surveillance tape of Ryder, and reported that everyone was making much ado about nothing.
"Whatever the camera might have 'seen' didn't end up on the tape. There is, however, plenty of footage of Ryder shopping, schlepping and losing her grip on the bags, which fall to the floor as sales staffers walk by. But the scissors never appear, there's no blood and the rest seems open to interpretation."
It's clear that the media -- American, Aussie, Brit and Canadian -- are savoring every detail of Ryder's trial. Everyone loves Stars Gone Bad articles, but Ryder may have unwittingly and quite preposterously become a poster actress for slapping celebrities hard when they stick their hand in the cookie jar. Blame it on living in the post-O.J. age.
One has to wonder what Saks was thinking when it decided to haul in Ryder, who had already purchased $3,700 worth of clothing that included, for inquiring fashionistas, $300 Gucci shoes, a Dolce & Gabbana leather jacket and two sleeveless Yves St. Laurent blouses. Was Saks in such dire need of a public relations boost to revamp their stodgy, old money, society matron image?
As John Powers wrote in his L.A. Weekly column of March 22, " ... why call the police instead of her agent or publicist? I would have thought that an old-school store like Saks, especially in Beverly Hills, would know better how to treat a star. Then again, maybe they think Ryder no longer is one. Would they have turned in Gwyneth Paltrow?"
For goodness sake, Ryder didn't kill anyone, or maim someone during her shopping spree. It was a minor brush with the law -- anyone could see that. It just so happened that she allegedly filched, according to People magazine, the kind of booty we mere mortals can only dream of -- the very thought of pilfering a pair of dreamy Manolo Blahnik $800 stiletto boots gives us palpitations.
In Ryder's alleged cache: a black, beaded Eric Javits hat (which she donned on an elevator ride with the price tag visible; later on the tape, the tag is missing), a plain black Javits hat, a pink Donna Karan top, a white Gucci dress, a black Gucci top, a white Gucci skirt, a cream Gucci top, two Marc Jacobs thermal tops, a white sleeveless Yves St. Laurent shirt and a black Natori handbag.
I mean damn Winona, nice work if you can get it, and she, allegedly, got it.
Perhaps it is Winona's perennial good girl image, beginning with early film roles in "Lucas," "Heathers" and "Edward Scissorhands," and in later roles as a Gen-X slacker in "Reality Bites" and semi-mad hatter in "Girl, Interrupted," that have landed her in this media manifestation. She has been twice-nominated for an Academy Award for "Age of Innocence" and "Little Women," dated good boy actor Matt Damon and became a missing child advocate when a girl from her Petaluma, Calif. hometown, Polly Klaas, was abducted. Had Ryder been afflicted with a resume akin to Courtney Love, or even the perennially kohl-rimmed Tara Reid, this incident might have been reduced to a page 16 whisper in the press.
But the press knows better. Besides being the fairest among dirty Hollywood party girls, Winona Laura Horowitz is the product of hippie parents and the goddaughter of LSD guru Timorthy Leary. For years, Winona the person, not Winona the celluloid image, has always had a thing for dating dirty-jeaned, kinda bad-ish altie crooners like Dave Pirner of Soul Asylum, and more recently, rocker Pete Yorn. Former bad boy fiancee Johnnie Depp professed his infinte affinity for her with the infamous "Winona Forever" tattoo.
The abundance of titles for Ryder -- ingenue, gamine, walking stylie, object of manly affection, beautiful boho -- has made it difficult for the press to categorize her. But now, with all this brouhaha, the press can now succesfully pigenhole her as the newest, hitless (see "Lost Souls" and "Autumn in New York"), illegal pill-popping, shoplifting screen goddess.
Ryder isn't the only one who's been caught stealing. Teen tennis star Jennifer Capriati was arrested a few years ago for stealing a ring; movie critic Rex Reed was charged with lifting CDs, former Miss America Bess Myerson was arrested 15 years ago for stealing $44 in merchandise, and Olympic gold medallist Olga Korbut was charged in February for stealing $19 in groceries.
But such petty transgressions are nothing in comparison to overpaid athletes who routinely beat their wives (Barry Bonds, who has never been charged, but the reputation hasn't eluded him), indulge in drugs (Oakland Raider kicker Sebastian Janikowski reportedly took GHB at a San Francisco club), film sexual escapades (allegedly Darrell Russell, also of the Raiders) and sexually assault or have sex with minors (Mark Chmura of the Green Bay Packers, later acquitted, and allegedly singer R. Kelly, who was recently charged on 21 felony counts of child pornography).
And the fuss about Ryder has yet to compete with the courtroom drama of P. Diddy (formerly Sean "Puffy" Combs), rappers Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg, or even the pending trial of Hamptons publicist-to-the-stars Lizzie Grubman, who was arrested last summer for backing her Mercedes SUV into 16 people while they waited in line to get into Hamptons hot spot Conscience Point Inn.
If anything, the Ryder coverage has been ludicrous. On her courtroom outfit: "yellow and brown dress, a long cream jacket and a cream headband," says the Press Association News. On what she was wearing the day she allegedly sacked Saks: "long, dark skirt, square-toed boots and a long white coat," according to the L.A. Times.
Even Ryder's attorney Mark Geragos needed to clarify what Ryder was wearing that day, during his cross-examination of Saks security manager Kenneth Evans, who says he spotted Ryder but "thought she was a homeless person."
"And she was wearing a three-quarter-length cashmere coat?" asked Geragos.
"Yes," replied Evans.
"And do you get a lot of homeless people wearing three-quarter-length cashmere coats?" Geragos asked.
Wrote the Associated Press, "The question drew an objection and was not answered."
Even the puns slapped on Ryder headlines and sentences invite titters. From People Magazine: "Theft, Interrupted?"; "When Ryder left the store, reality bit."
From Entertainment Weekly's article, "Queasy Ryder": "If convicted, she could face nearly four years in jail. That would end her age of innocence."
From the L.A. Times titled "Reality Has No Bite in Tape of Ryder's Alleged Shoplifting": " ... the buzz isn't about 'Mr. Deeds' .. it's Ryder's misdeeds ... " and "Prosecutors have said the tape is damning evidence of a shoplifter, interrupted." And so on.
Ryder may be having all the fun. She appeared last month on "Saturday Night Live," doing a skit where Chris Kattan's character Mango takes the fall for her and singer Moby's shoplifting spree. In a June 6 telecast, Ryder and Sandler presented an award at MTV's Movie Awards ceremony; both playfully sidestepped the questions everyone wanted to know with Sandler asking Ryder if she had breast implants. Ryder is also this month's W magazine cover girl, sporting the "Free Winona" T-shirt that is flying off the shelves at Y-Que Trading Post in L.A.
Clearly, she is taking it all in stride. Maybe the media might try to do the same, instead of painting her as a troubled starlet with everything to lose.
Genevieve Roja is an associate editor at AlterNet.
