Fast Food

Growing up in a single parent home I had my share of fast food. Breakfast was a run through the McDonald's drive thru for the Big Breakfast or an egg mcmuffin, hold the ham. After moving to San Francisco during high school, the definition of "fast food" changed to Noah's bagels, a grilled chicken burrito from the local taqueria, or -- in moments of sheer desperation -- a blueberry powerbar washed down with an carrot and orange odwalla from my neighborhood corner store.

A recent drive to the South Bay reminded me of the existence of "real" fast food that most people eat. So I decided that, in order to get in touch with my suburban roots, a day of noshing some greasy burgers and fries was in order.

I started my day at McDonald's which probably is the restaurant that best explemplifies American fast food. McD's has moved beyond the standard "bacon egg and cheese biscut" to more sophisticated breakfast fare. I shelled out two and a half dollars for the steak bagel which featured "juicy steak and sautated onions." This was probably the chewist bagel I have ever had. By chewy, I don't mean soft and chewy like a good new york bagel, I mean, this was like a year old Lender's bagel, straight from the freezer, but worse. The steak was, well, similar to cafateria meat in a greasy gravy kind of a way. I tossed it and decided to try the Spanish Omlet bagel with "green peppers, onions and savory sausage." This was actually a bit more palatible and left me, as any good fast food meal should, feeling bloated and greasy.

I wasn't hungry for more, but had to try one more breakfast item before heading out to work. Anything with a name like "Fresh Fruit Yogurt Parfait" just screams to be eaten. For two dollars and nineteen cents I expected the fruit to actually be fresh. Instead I got plain yogurt sandwiching some frozen fruit topping (the kind you get on ice cream) spinkled with granola. The exact same item could have been purchased at safeway for 79 cents. But I guess if you're hanging with your friends, and McDonald's is the place to go, this is a good alternative for the dieting crowd (unless you're on the Atkins diet, in which case, hold the granola).

By 11 I was hungry and anxious to try some new culinary delight at my next stop: a Taco Bell and KFC combined. One bought out the other and now you can have combination lunches like two chicken strips and two tacos with a drink for $3.89. I grabbed a friend and we planted ourselves at a filthy booth with our tray of artery-clogging food and a cup of ice cold Storm to wash it down with. Taco Bell's newest feature is the chlupas, a fried version of the gorditas (basically it's a soft taco with a really super thick tortilla). The chlupas is a gordita that is fried and then baked giving it a custy shell.

While McDonald's has new food that calls out to the healthy and more sophesticated side of people; KFC and taco bell are trying to appeal to our desire for texture and excitement in our food. All of their new food items are either very crunchy, or very spicy, or very different. KFC was promoting their new line of chicken sandwhiches which "feature delicious split top buns from Peperidge Farms." Ranging from 2.29 to 2.99 they came in a variety of differnt styles including roasted, triple crunch, original, and honey bar-b-que.

The Taco Bell side of the restaurant was promoting wild chlupas in such flavors as the Supreme ("cool sour cream and ripe tomatoes"), the Santa Fe ("spicy sauce and southern salsa"), and the Baja ("zesty pepper jack sauce and freshly prepared salsa"). We settled for the Baja Chlupas and a Triple Crunch sandwhich.

The triple crunch was so named because its main ingredient is three strips of very fried chicken (this chicken was just about fried to death!) between the split top bun with some sort of neon orange colored sauce that tasted like a sour version of thousand island dressing. The bun actually was quite good, and the tomatoes were fresh. The lettuce was limp, but hey, who's complaining? All in all, it was okay, ranking five on a scale of one to ten.

The Baja chulpa came next. A thick fried tortilla stuffed with ground beef, lettuce, salsa, and cheese it was drenched is a yellow-orange mayonaise like sauce that had a definate bite (must be that pepper jack!). This actually was very good, something I think I might eat again sometime. It was fresh, not too greasy (despite being fried), and had an interesting taste.

I rushed back to work but not before picking up desert, a "real rasberry milkshake" for 1.99. Jack in the Box has a bad reputation (How many people actually call it by it's real name, rather than Jack in the Crack?); based on a rash of E-Coli deaths a number of years ago that were caused by hamburger patties cooked at low tempatures. For those two hesitatant to go for a burger and fries, Jack in the Box has a wide selection of non-beef based food items. Everything from egg rolls, to "monster tacos", to Chicken fajita pita, to fish and chips is represented. Frankly, if I'm going to have egg rolls or tacos I would prefer to go to a chinese restaurant or to a mission district taqueria, respectively. But anyway, I was tempted to get the cappachino milkshake but went for the rasberry instead and was pleasently surprised. Although a bit sweet for my taste, this shake was made with real berry (as evidenced by the fact that it included real seeds).

I tooled on back to work and, when dinner time came around, took off for my last and final fast food foray of the day: Wendy's. The special sandwhich being promoted right now is the Monteray Ranch Chicken, a deep fried patty with some kind of a sauce (tarter sauce with ranch dressing?) topped with montery jack cheese. For 3.39 it's a bit on the pricey side for what you get. After eating that I was still hungry so I decided to try one of the pita sanwhiches. With such appitizing choices as "garden vegetable" (1.99), "ranch chicken" (3.49), and "chicken ceaser" (3.49) it was a hard choice but I finally settled on the Classic Greek Pita. Filled with salad, chicken, and topped with tomatos and feta cheese, this sandwhich was true to it's name, it was classic greek fare (it even had cucumbers). The pita was a little on the stale side but I polished it off with Dr. Pepper.

I rushed home to catch the Simpsons but on my way home, seeing an advertisement for McD's salad shakers, I realized that my fast food day was not yet over. The concept of salad shakers is a noble one, attempted to solve the problem of "how do we toss a salad so that every leaf is covered with dressing when we have no mixing bowl and we're eatting in our car on the freeway?". I was handed a big plastic glass with a top on it that looked suspiciously like an oversized version of the ice cream sundae containers (so, like how did they come up with this idea?). But alas, the salad was packed so tightly inside and the container so full that there was no room to shake the salad after adding the dressing. I solved the problem by going inside and requesting a plate (which they didn't have. A restaurant with no plates??). Instead I took two burger wrapping papers, dumped out have the salad, shook it with the dressing, poured it out on the second paper, put the other salad in, did the same thing, and then mixed it together. My chicken ceaser salad was pretty fresh, with that distinctive "bagged lettuce" taste but with a fair amount of chicken and a lot of grated cheese. This is something that I would order should I ever find myself at McDonald's again.

So, my excuration into American fast food complete, I've realized that there actually is some decent fast food. It's no real substitute for a good taqueria or other ethnic restaurant, but it's no longer all burgers and fries anymore either.