DURST: Ross Perot, the Texas Weaselette

H. Ross Perot, the Texas weaselette, crawled out from under another rock this week, and when asked if he was in the race merely as a spoiler, argued, "It was already spoiled when I started."Of course, now that he's running, the smell has gotten noticeably worse. Hyenas are in retreat. Now you understand, it wasn't him who wanted run. It was the Reform Party who made him. Yeah, the Reform Party, which he created and is staffed by excess applications from his personnel department. Asking them whether he should be their nominee, is like asking North Pole Elves if they want Santa to continue his Christmas fly by.He started his series of half hour infomercials last week, which have the unique ability to make the Weather Channel seem breathlessly thrilling. His ratings were worse than the "Watching Varnish Harden" special on The Discovery Channel. Besides the man has a voice that could grate carrots. Maybe what this billionaire heckler needs is better production values. He could hire a slimy lugubrious fallen talk show host to introduce him as America's Newest Amazing Discovery: "Now let me get this straight, Ross, you simply apply this miracle salve to the U.S. economy and the deficit just disappears." "That's right and all it takes is a little elbow grease."Will Durst is frightened by the concept of elbow grease.

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