'Chauvinistic' Husbands in Japan Change to Keep Their Wives

By Catherine Makino, Women's eNews. Posted February 12, 2007.

A group of Japanese men say they have the answer to marital bliss.

In September, they gathered in suits and ties outside a busy train station in Tokyo and chanted their Three Principles of Love: saying "sorry" without fear, saying "thank you" without hesitation and saying "I love you" without shame.

The group, which started with a handful of members in 1999, claims 800 members and expects that its program of seminars throughout the country this year will boost enrollment exponentially.

Members of the group, called the National Chauvinistic Husband's Association, have a goal of making their true feelings known to their wives, representing a push to change the nation's famously non-demonstrative culture.

The association says declarations of the Three Principles are what women want to hear, and husbands will have better marriages if they can say these words without wavering.

These formerly old-fashioned husbands are serious about becoming modern-style spouses and aim to give men a chance to learn how to communicate better with their families, have a relationship based on equality and become loving husbands.

Declining Marriage Rates

They even hope they'll help curb the nation's declining marriage rate, fueled not only by an increase in divorce but also by delayed marriage among women, whose mean age for marrying has increased 2.5 years in the past two decades, according to the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications.

The more educated a Japanese woman, the more likely she will wait for wedlock; among women aged 25 to 29, 40 percent are single, but among university graduates of similar ages 54 percent are single.

"If husbands will not change, the future will be very dark for Japan, so we are enticing men to join our group and learn to change their attitudes," says 54-year-old Shuichi Amano, who founded Japan's National Chauvinistic Husband's Association in 1999 after his wife threatened to divorce him. "Families will adjust and then Japan will change in a positive way."

Ito Itamoto, a Tokyo marriage counselor, agrees.

"Japanese women are choosing to marry later, so they can only have one child, or not marry at all," Itamoto says. "Seventy percent of divorces are filed by women. It used to be because of domestic violence or gambling, but these days it is because women realize their husband's priority is the company they work for and not their families. The women also say men do not know how to communicate."

Amano, a resident of Fukuoka City, Kyuushu Island, says his wife woke him up to the need save his marriage.

"It happened when I came home late one evening from work and asked my wife if she thought it was strange that suddenly all the middle-aged men around me were getting divorced," he said. "My wife said, 'Well, I think you will be next.'"

'Broke Out in Cold Sweat'

Amano said he was shocked, he broke out in a cold sweat and his heart "stopped" because he knew his wife was serious. After that initial jolt, he reflected on his past relationship with his wife and daughters. He realized as a busy writer and editor for a publishing company, he was a typical chauvinist and, furthermore, he took pride in it.

"I realized I had only communicated three things to my wife: 'furo,' 'meshi' and 'neru,' which mean 'bath,' 'dinner' and 'sleep,'" he said. "It is the typical way for a strong husband to communicate with his family."

See more stories tagged with: marriage, japan, communication, chauvinist, divorce

Catherine Makino is a freelance writer in Tokyo. She has written for the San Francisco Chronicle, the Japan Times, the Asian Wall Street Journal and the China Morning Post.

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