I love fast food so much that my feelings for it are probably illegal in Georgia. It's objectively disgusting, of course, but I truly love it. Give me a BK Double Stacker or a Big Mac or literally anything from Popeye's and I'm a happy (and gastrically-distressed) camper. But really, never has the tag for these articles been more apropos than with some of the mad science experiments these companies come up in their never-ending war over who can do more unspeakable things to nacho cheese. I don't fault someone for eating fast food, ever (that would be hypocrisy on a level that would stagger even the talking heads at Fox News), but I feel like the existence of each and every one of these items has to be the result of a dare taken WAY too far.

1. Doritos Locos Tacos — I swear to God I thought this was a joke the first time I saw an ad for it. Then, after I thought about it for a while, it started to make sense. See, the Doritos Locos Taco is the Caligulan orgy of the Pax Americana. Centuries from now, historians will look back at the Doritos Locos Taco and conclude that such decadence heralded the inevitable decline of our once-mighty society. Truly, they will surmise, we were brought low by our need to insert chemical-flavored nachos into every foodstuff. Well, that and the whole supply-side economics thing. But we both know its really the Doritos Locos Tacos.

I love fast food so much that my feelings for it are probably illegal in Georgia. It's objectively disgusting, of course, but I truly love it. Give me a BK Double Stacker or a Big Mac or literally anything from Popeye's and I'm a happy (and gastrically-distressed) camper. But really, never has the tag for these articles been more apropos than with some of the mad science experiments these companies come up in their never-ending war over who can do more unspeakable things to nacho cheese. I don't fault someone for eating fast food, ever (that would be hypocrisy on a level that would stagger even the talking heads at Fox News), but I feel like the existence of each and every one of these items has to be the result of a dare taken WAY too far.

1. Doritos Locos Tacos — I swear to God I thought this was a joke the first time I saw an ad for it. Then, after I thought about it for a while, it started to make sense. See, the Doritos Locos Taco is the Caligulan orgy of the Pax Americana. Centuries from now, historians will look back at the Doritos Locos Taco and conclude that such decadence heralded the inevitable decline of our once-mighty society. Truly, they will surmise, we were brought low by our need to insert chemical-flavored nachos into every foodstuff. Well, that and the whole supply-side economics thing. But we both know its really the Doritos Locos Tacos.