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Seal Press / By Jessica Valenti
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He's a Stud, She's a Slut: The Sexual Double Standard

"Slut" is applied to women engaged in any activity besides knitting, praying, or sitting perfectly still lest any sudden movements be deemed whorish.
May 30, 2008  |  
 
 
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From the book He's a Stud, She's a Slut by Jessica Valenti. Reprinted by arrangement with Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group. Copyright © 2008.

If you have a vagina, chances are someone has called you a slut at least once in your life. There's just no getting around it.

I remember the first time I heard the word "slut" -- I was in my fifth-grade science class. A certain little girl (terror) named Eleena had been making my life miserable all year in a way that only mean little girls can. She had turned all my girlfriends against me, spread rumors and the like. She walked up to me at my desk and said, "You called me a slut." I had absolutely no idea what the word meant. I just sat there, silently. She repeated herself: "You called me a slut, but you're the slut." I don't remember how long after that I found out exactly what "slut" meant, but I knew it had to be terrible and I knew I didn't want to be it.

Naturally, I'd be called a slut many times over later in life -- not unlike most girls. I was called a slut when my boobs grew faster than others'. I was called a slut when I had a boyfriend (even though we weren't having sex.) I was called a slut when I didn't have a boyfriend and kissed a random boy at a party. I was called a slut when I had the nerve to talk about sex. I was called a slut when I wore a bikini on a weekend trip with high school friends. It seems the word slut can be applied to any activity that doesn't include knitting, praying, or sitting perfectly still lest any sudden movements be deemed whorish.

Despite the ubiquity of "slut," where you won't hear it is in relation to men. Men can't be sluts. Sure, someone will occasionally call a guy "a dog," but men simply aren't judged like women are when it comes to sexuality. (And if they are, they're judged in a positive way!) Men who have a lot of sexual partners are studs, Casanovas, pimps, and players. Never sluts. In fact, when I just did a Google search for "male sluts," the first result I got was She Male Sluts DVD! I know, should have seen that coming. The point is, there isn't even a word -- let alone a concept -- to signify a male slut.

But it makes sense when you think about what the purpose of the word "slut" is: controlling women through shame and humiliation. Women's bodies are always the ones that are being vied over for control -- whether it's rape, reproductive rights, or violence against women, it's our bodies that are the battleground, not men's.

And if you don't think it's about control, consider this little bit of weirdness. The most recent incarnation of the sexual double standard being played out in a seriously creepy way is through Purity Balls. These promlike events basically have fathers take their daughters to a big fancy dance where they promise their daddy their virginity. Likewise, the father promises to be the "keeper" of his daughter's virginity until he decides to give it to her future husband. Where are the Purity Balls for men, you ask? Oh, they're there, but they're about controlling women too! Called Integrity Balls, these events focus on men not having sex because they'd be defiling someone else's "future wife"! Not because men need to be pure or be virgins -- but because they need to make sure women are virgins. Unbelievable, really.

Outside of the feminist implications of the sexual double standard, the slut/stud conundrum has always been my favorite because it just makes no sense logically. Why is a woman less of a person, or (my favorite) "dirty," because she has sex? (Heterosexual sex, that is; somehow lesbian sex isn't "real.") Does a penis have some bizarre dirtymaking power that I'm unaware of? Every time I have sex, do I lose a bit of my moral compass? "Sorry to mug you, Grandma, but I had sex twice this week!"

And let's face it -- the slut stigma isn't just dangerous to our "reputations" or to some weird-ass notion of purity. How many times has rape been discounted because a woman was deemed a slut? How many times are women called whores while their partners beat them? How often are women's sexual histories used against them in workplace harassment cases? The sexual double standard is a lot more dangerous than we'd like to think.

So ... What to Do?

First and foremost, stop calling other women sluts! It doesn't behoove us to bash each other, gals. And speak out when you hear men do the same. I'll never forget in college overhearing a conversation that my boyfriend's roommates were having. They both had slept with the same girl over the course of the year -- they called her a whore and made a joke about her vagina being "loose." I asked them why she was the bad person in this scenario -- after all, they had had casual sex with her, too. They couldn't provide an answer, but that didn't stop them from continuing to laugh. I always regretted not saying anything more. Outside of calling ourselves and others out on perpetuating the double standard, it's a hard battle. But I think if we recognize the hypocrisy of the slut/stud nonsense when we see it -- whether it's an anti-choice law or a movie that makes women who have sex look like deviants -- we're on the right road.

Excerpted from He's a Stud, She's a Slut by Jessica Valenti.
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Jessica Valenti is the executive editor of Feministing.
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Term of Jealousy & Endearment
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Posted by: Whistler on May 30, 2008 1:29 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
First and foremost, notice that she was called slut by other women mostly. The term is used for pretty women ONLY. When a woman is fat and ugly, no one ever calls them a slut. So the word - especially by other women - is used purely out of jealousy. Otherwise, it is a term of endearment and lust.

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» Sorry to burst your bubble Posted by: paulaH
» RE: Term of Jealousy & Endearment Posted by: Survivor77
» HA! Posted by: Coleman

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1950s here we come again
[Report this comment]
Posted by: cordas on May 30, 2008 2:56 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Ok I am from the otherside of the pond so our cultural references will be different.... but this seems so much like a rant from the 1950s not the 21st century.

I really am sick of these garbage articles that try and stir up the "sexist" debate, as far as I am aware slut as an insult is gender neutral. It also has a sexy / teasing nature that is more female specific but that is light hearted and not meant to demean women.

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» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: goeswithness
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: Moira61
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: maestra
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: radiomorning
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: radiomorning

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I absolutely agree
[Report this comment]
Posted by: goeswithness on May 30, 2008 3:39 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
But it's more than control. From what is being said in these conversations, it is clear that a lot of it goes back to the supposition that males are naturally sexually ravenous beasts who can't be expected to make responsible decisions, while women really have no sex drive (unless they're in love), which means they're the ones who always have to make the wise choices. If a normal (small sex drive) woman has sex with a lot of different people she's desparate, has no self esteem, or is trying to get gifts. A woman who has sex just because she likes it is somehow abnormal.

I hear younger people talk like this all the time, off and on the internet. The fact that it's so rife the younger generation is particularly depressing to me. I was looking at some comments on the Sex and the City movie earlier which just reeked of this.

It's true, as a commenter said above, that it's often women saying it out of a sense of jealousy, but it certainly doesn't stop there. And it isn't just about looks - the idea that you might be holding out till you get married or at least find The One while there are other women willing to entertain The One in the meantime must really hurt. But Young men are saying it too, and often express the sentiment that they'd reject a woman with too much experience.

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the Kama Sutra says that both men and women who have had many
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Posted by: Suzon on May 30, 2008 4:07 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
sexual partners are devalued. I tend to agree with that.

Name-calling, however, is a sign of ignorance and/or lack of maturity.

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Don't think this isn't still around, and still harmful
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Posted by: ailei on May 30, 2008 4:09 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
My 12 year old daughter has been called a slut so many times that she's already starting to wear it as a badge of pride. She's not DOING anything, but the very fact that she likes to have boyfriends and isn't ashamed of it makes her the 'slut of the school'. If you think that isn't harmful and awful, you're dreaming. When she got sick for 2 weeks and came back, weak and still not feeling well, they all told her she got some 'slut disease' and she lost most of the friends she had. Because she got sick. Because she isn't ashamed to like boys and because she likes to hang around with them. But should any young woman have to deal with this? The fact that she does just makes this article all the more relevant. Thanks, Jessica, for addressing it in a way that is accessible to her (she's read your Full Frontal Feminist book - I got it for her for Yule), and incredibly appropriate to what she's going through right now.

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Here's the best way to defend yourself. Go on the offensive.
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Posted by: maxpayne on May 30, 2008 4:17 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Look, if someone calls you a slut even when they know you aren't in school, ask them to define it. Chances are they won't and then nail them at it. It's called framing and reframing. There are some things the currently rigged educational system won't teach you and framing is certainly one of them. The author made a mistake of putting herself on the defensive when she should have gone on the offensive. If you only react while your enemy does the framing, then of course they'll succeed in turning your friends against you.

PEACE

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» No problemo. Posted by: maxpayne

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Terms of slander
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Posted by: Sushi on May 30, 2008 4:46 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If you think about it, basically most derogatory terms involve something to do with being the female. "I got screwed (or f**ked, or boned)" or any combination thereof indicates being on the receiving end and considered negative. The old aggressive, "F**k you" takes the offensive, a verbal raping and generally an "alpha" challenge. (Macaques (monkeys) display their erect penises as a visual flip-off since they cannot speak). Go through the most vulgar insults you can think of and most of them are suggestively or overtly related to being on the receiving end of masculine superior sex, and being female is derogatorily defined.

I noticed this a long time ago.

Sushi
"I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in."

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» RE: Terms of slander Posted by: Survivor77
» RE: Terms of slander Posted by: LeeAnnG
» RE: Terms of slander Posted by: Crazy H

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This comment has been removed from the site due to non-compliance with AlterNet's community policies.

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Slut just one of many terms used to control and punish...
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Posted by: Survivor77 on May 30, 2008 4:50 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
One of the things that strikes me when this topic surfaces - and I completely disagree with those who characterize the discussion as no longer relevant or who think "slut" is a term of endearment - is how infrequently discussants note that the term is used against straight women, not lesbians. I suspect lesbians aren't called sluts because they're deemed as beyond the control of hetero-gender norms, lost causes if you will. "Slut" is indeed, a term of control. In fact, "slut" is one of several terms meant to control women, meant to emphasize one kind of feminine standard as the "right way to be a woman." Think about it. When women fail to be the right kind of women, they are called sluts, bitches, whores, ball-breakers, dykes, etc. When men fail to be the right kind of man, they are called sissy-boys, fags, a mamma's boy, bastard, and any number of words we use for female genitalia, among others. What do these terms have in common, beyond how they are used? We are wedded to certain views of masculinity and femininity and when people deviate from those norms, we slap them with the worst words we have for those kinds of deviants - all words related to women (or we batter them with physical violence). The worst thing you can be in this society is a man who isn't manly enough, a woman who refuses to be controlled, or just a woman - all bad. Speaks very much to women's lesser status.

"Slut" is a term of endearment if you mean to postulate that it is endearing to be verbally coerced into the right kind of womanhood - a womanhood that is unwaveringly straight, second to men and happy to be second, and devoted to serving men via heterosexuality. Tired of these discussions? Fix the real problem. Valencia is like the person who finds a pile of crap in the middle of the road and gets blamed for noting that it stinks. Go after the crap-leaver, not the crap-finder. And, recall that when you suggest "slut" is a term of endearment, you are - without doubt - a crap-leaver.

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know who you are
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Posted by: ggmurray on May 30, 2008 4:56 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Words like 'slut' have no power if you know who you are. You can see right through them to the fear and confusion of the ones uttering them. Men and women who sense their own wholeness and freedom have no need to demean or control others.

I am certain it is up to me to make my own life good. No one else can do it for me, nor can their confusions confound me. I trust my inner guidance and love the way my life unfolds.

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» RE: know who you are Posted by: Wacre
» This argument enables bullies. Posted by: KeepsonTickn

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Jealousy - not true
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Posted by: Survivor77 on May 30, 2008 4:59 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Women call each other slut not out of jealousy but b/c women are complicit in their own oppression, using this and other derogatory words to impose a standard of femininity that serves male dominance. It's the "can't beat 'em, don't want to get beat by 'em" strategy employed by women all the time. What comments like yours reveal, above all else, is the extent to which women are unaware of how oppressed they are and how hard they work to maintain the system that oppresses them. Valencia is right on target.

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Religious Indoctrination
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Posted by: Purple Girl on May 30, 2008 4:59 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This double standard and devaluing woman goes Back to the Editing of the bible.
want to point a finger at who allowed this 'Judgement' on fellow 'creations' look to the Catholic Church. I was Born & raised Catholic- Now long since Recovered. This began really with the Jealosies of the male apostles towards Mary Magdelene.Was it not Peter (Highjacker of the Real Religion) who bitched about how Jesus paid special attention to Mary?Why becaseu they FEAR US, They don't understand US so they Devalue Us, And it has infected our Morals, Values and enlightenment Ever since.
In peagan Religions Females were Revered becaseu they were the Givers of Life and Care takers (mainly because we lactated, thus sustaining the 'offspring')Males have no such ability, and so they had to destroy and demean this 'power'.
Want to finally end 'sexism' Start with the Religions who have used it to Control it's members. How dare they speak of 'gods' necessary other half of humanity with such disdain- Is that Not heresay?Does it not Qualify as a Major Deadly SIN? Women need to turn away from these Blasphemous Institutionalizations of Sexism. How dare they Judge and condemn their Own Creators Creation! It was never their job, and NEVER their Right!

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» RE: THANK YOU Posted by: WyrdSister

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Words like slut ALWAYS have power -
[Report this comment]
Posted by: Survivor77 on May 30, 2008 5:04 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...because using the term is less about one woman's sexual behaviors than it is about women's proper place as second to men. It's less about one woman and far more about policing the proper way to be women - the way that serves men and male dominance. I agree that women need to develop strong senses of who they are and emotionally prepare themselves to weather the slings and arrows of deviating from feminine norms but let's not suggest the words used to control women have no power.

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its more complicated than that
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Posted by: bobson on May 30, 2008 5:14 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
all true what you say but you are never going to change the way some men view women, the same people who call women sluts also pollute the environment, don't care about equal rights, think iraqi terrorists were behind 911, and they participate in just about every other mindless and negative activity available.
just don't think all men think like this, in fact, none of my friends have ever even talked like this. the problem is much larger than you make it out to be though, there is much more behind it than a double standard.
and by the way, the only people I hear use the word slut and bitch on a regular basis are women. sorry. this is just the fact of the matter. but yeah, women are seen as sluts for being sexually promiscuous and men aren't, this is true and nothing new. But again, not all women, it depends on how they carry it. Women throw around the word slut very easily, but for men I think slut does not mean a sexually strong woman it implies a sexually promiscuous woman who is a bitch as well, a woman who uses sex as currency, to get something, to get somewhere, so women like this are usually morally bankrupt across the board, not just when it comes to sex, and this is how most men use the word, and also why you hear it less from the mouths of men than women
so the only real reason that men are not sluts is that men can not use sex to get what they want for the most part, men don't really have that option, men CAN'T be sluts, if they could be they would be..but for sure in the gay community there most definitely are male sluts!

I wish the writer of this article would have thought a little bit more before publishing.

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Great article; glad it's here
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Posted by: janvdb on May 30, 2008 5:21 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The extent to which this is IMPORTANT is shown by the extent to which this methodology of woman-control, in combination with others, has led to the continued lagging of women in all socioeconomic indicators -- levels of poverty, income, wage rates, exposure to sub-prime ARMs, lack of health insurance -- you name it.

It all starts with this kind of stigmatizing, controlling, limiting, down-putting garbage.

By the way, there is a word for a male slut, it's just not widely used: slutball.

Jan VanDenBerg

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A War on Words?
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Posted by: craigandrew on May 30, 2008 5:40 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The war on drugs fails because we are fighting the supply and not the demand - the disease of addiction. A war on a word fails for a very similar reason; trying to stop people from saying it vs. learning to ignore it and live past it.

Everyone who chooses to live their own lives will be called many things... and nothing can change that. If you want to live your own life, your self-esteem and sense of character has to be stronger than a word.

C:)

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Males are taught by other males to hate females, female-ness, and be at best ambivalent about sex
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Posted by: gendershaman on May 30, 2008 5:58 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
There are no positive positive words/phrases for a sexually-active female among males. There are over a thousand negative words/phrases in the Oxford English dictionary. Some of these include: Bimbo, Bitch, Broad, Chick, Concubine, Coquette, Cum Dumpster, Fallen Woman, Fast Woman, Flirt, Floozy, Gold Digger, Harlot, Ho, Hole, Hooker, Hussy, Hustler, Jade, Lady of the Night, Loose Woman, Nymphomaniac, Piece of Ass, Pig, Playgirl, Promiscuous, Prostitute, Pushover, Puta, Quickie, Sexpot, Skank, Skeezer, Skirt, Slag, Slattern, Slut, Squaw, Strumpet, Sweat Hog, Tart, Tease, Tramp, Trickster, Trollop, Vamp, Vixen, Wanton, Whore...
Meanwhile, there are no truly negative phrases for a sexually-active male among males. Some of the positive phrases active among boys and men include: Big Man On Campus, Businessman (takin’ care of Business), Busta Hymen, Casanova, Champion, Cocksman, Daddy Long Stroke, Desperado, Diesel Man, Dirty Dog, Don Juan, Dude, Freak, Funky War God, Gigolo, God’s Gift To Women, Greek God, Hercules, Hit Man, Ho Daddy, Hustler, Ladies Man, Lady Killer, Lothario, Lounge Lizard, Mack, Mack Daddy, Pile-Driver, Pimp, Pipe-Layer, Playboy, Player, Prostitutional Engineer, Punisher, Purple-Headed Warrior, Rake, Rascal, Real Man, Romeo, Rooster, Roué, Sensualist, Sexual Athlete, Sperminator, Stallion, Stud, Suga(r) Dick, Terminator, Tomcat, Virgin Slayer, Virgin Surgeon, Wolf, Wrecking Ball...
I developed this as an exercise in the early 90's to help illuminate the double-standard that men created. No male ever went home in tears after being called a male slut or male whore. Further, no males’ reputation has suffered due to his reputed heterosexual sexual activity.
Thank you,
Joe Weinberg

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» No male reputation has suffered Posted by: countingdaisies

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I object to knitters being left out of the "slut" category!
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Posted by: Beck on May 30, 2008 5:59 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Don't let knitters off the hook! They're sluts as much as any other women. Look at those phallic needles. There's a reason knitting is experiencing a new popularity, and it ain't craftiness.

Here's a poem from a women's magazine of the 50s:

"Standing, riding, walking, sitting,
Wherever she goes, there goes her knitting."

A Watchbird caught you doing these awful things, and let you know you were under constant, deserved scrutiny. "Here's a Watchbird watching YOU."

This poemwas meant to teach how annoying women are when they knit. Knitting on the bus! Poking people! Knitting at home! At a PTA meeting! Control those women enjoying themselves! Embarrass them! It's a good thing that in those repressed 50s, it wasn't realized how slutty knitting can be. Now women are pretty much shamed only for horniness. Or, wait, if they work. If they're an unmarried mother who doesn't work. Oh, if their kids are in day care. And if they look a bit odd. Oh, well. Erase yourself long enough and you'll win approval eventually! It's worth the lifelong try.

Remember girls, a Watchbird is watching you right now! Guys, whatever.

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» roflmao! Posted by: stellabloo
» beautiful Posted by: bluebirdella

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it's all about control?
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Posted by: dsmidiman on May 30, 2008 6:00 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
There are always going to be the "kids" in the corner talking foolishly about the opposite sex. It happens with males and females alike. In fact I would say that females talk more like that about males than the other way around. Males are just to stupid to do it only in the privacy of other males.

I find the interesting thing about this article and some of the responses to it is the use of the term "control". It seems to me that everything has to do with a man controlling or trying to control a woman these days. We are not living in the past. The "woman's movement" has been mainstream for years. We have raised generations of young people being blasted continuously about respecting women, women being equal with the same rights as men not possessions etc.etc. I am glad for that because it is suppose to be that way. Are there exceptions to the rule? are there still screwed up males out there? Of course. But there are screwed up females out there also.

I just feel that males have been bashed and bashed and bashed so much the last several years that most are now so confused they are just giving up (or turning gay). They try so hard to "empower" thier female counter part that they have become "wimps" They don't know what the heck to do because everything they say or do is turned into some horrific terrible thing that always ends up meaning that they have no respect for their woman and just want to "control" her in some way.

Yet we still have the bashing going on everywhere. Not only is it confusing to men it also teaches the women that THEY actually can "control" their man simply by crying wolf(which has always been the case in my mind, it's just for some reason women choose to not see it that way). Again there are exceptions to this but there are exceptions to everything.

The funny part is the more the man tries to make the woman feel empowered, respected and not controlled the weaker he is in the woman's eyes. More often than not this ends with the woman leaving the man because he has become so accommodating and passive he appears somehow weak or a "wimp" in the woman's eyes. She sets out to find someone more "exciting" "driven" "strong". It's almost like the woman see's this wild stallion and the wilder the stallion is the more she wants him. Then she works and works through manipulation mentally and physically to "tame" the wild stallion. Once she has done so he becomes this weak wimpy thing that no longer has her interest(s) It's all very sad to me.

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» RE: it's all about control? Posted by: bobson

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Woman mighth have the option...
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Posted by: davmills on May 30, 2008 6:07 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Men who use "slut" and "whore" frequently or perhaps at all don't really like women. Some male misogyny (not the same thing as male sexism)comes from sour grapes and ego: they did not get the attention they felt/feel they should be getting from women, and don't like them for that. They neglect the fact that women, many intelligent,might not get the attention they deserve due to stereotypes of what constitutes physical attractiviness.
However, that written, I think women are now sufficiently empowered to think twice about knowing a male if they find he uses those words quoted above-and has related attitudes.

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» No gods, No masters Posted by: Dallas Suz

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Men under pressure too ...
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Posted by: mtodorov_69 on May 30, 2008 6:31 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I would like to emphasize that there is a common prejudice amongst people, and yes, amongst patriarchal women as well as academically educated - that a man is at least latent homosexual if he is abstaining from sex and not "scoring" enough.

This introduces a great pressure and only example of Jesus Christ is the strength to endure and not "score" to prove oneself a "real man".

This mentality is a double-edged sword in which neither man neither women can remain pure. You can cancel the comment, but you won't cancel the facts.

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It's time men developed thicker skins
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Posted by: Martin32 on May 30, 2008 6:35 AM   
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When I first saw this article I thought "fair point, but surely old news - does it really need reiterating?". Then, I saw some of the responses here and understood that, yes, this obvious point does have to be made again (and probably again and AGAIN).
It staggers me that there are so many otherwise intelligent men who feel the need to get defensive whenever a woman points out that we live in an essentially patriarchal society in which masculinity (of one particular construction) is prized, while womanhood is rejected in favour of an easily controllable and submissive "femininity". Immediately you will see men springing up, crying foul and countering with arguments ranging from the insidious ("maybe that's how it used to be, but society has changed") to the frankly ludicrous ("slut is a term of endearment" - puh-leeze!).
I think the problem is that men think that they're being accused of something here - lighten up, guys! As men, we all need to recognize that we have all benefitted from the way our society is organized and run, materially if not spiritually. I'm not trying to pretend that all men have easier lives than all women, but on average most men don't have to deal with what women have to put up with. I wouldn't live a woman's life if you paid me! Whether it's female genital mutilation, or so-called "honour killings" (my own personal cause at the moment), or simply the lack of freedom to truly express sexuality or individuality, or inequality of pay, women have to face a host of issues that men will never have to deal with. In return, we get nasal hair and prostate problems!
That doesn't mean that we, as men, are all bad people. We can't be blamed for things that we did not choose, but we can be blamed for allowing the status quo to endure, particularly if we are benefitting from it. So, next time a woman writes a feminist article, don't take it as an attack. Stop and think, consider whether it is fair, and help to build a society in which we are all free to be ourselves and pursue our own spiritual, intellectual, emotional and material fulfilment without being judged or persecuted.

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Sex control
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Posted by: fdgsr on May 30, 2008 7:23 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
There are many methods and modes of sex control. The original was probably violence against women and against the male who stole another male's female. Next was probably clothing -- the more the safer. Then chastity belts, and shotguns. One of the effective and milder forms of sex control was religion with a monopoly on legitimacy of sex. Finally, there are laws and legal marriages. Morality takes the form of religious retribution by God himself on any female who would be sexual for any purpose other than procreation, with any male other than the one who promised to feed cloth her and protect her offspring until they got out of hand. Then there is true morality as a personal commitment to a caring and supportive acceptance of a mate equal in status to himself or herself and true participation in the process of perpetration of the species. The male term of a man who violates women is "rapist". The male term for a woman who tempts a man to have sex with her is "slut". There are no female rapists as such because it is impossible to force a man to participate in sex against his erective impulses. Likewise there are no male prostitutes because there is too much free male sex and the supply and demand effect sets in to prevent a profit.

Self control of sex by both genders is required to ensure the quality of the reproductive act. Humans have a brain and a mind that can do that even against the advice of the hormones raging in the bodies of both male and female. Other species have more or less effective control devices. Birds and black widow spiders have the most interesting sex dances. They don't beat the waltz and foxtrot, but they are classic for each species involved. Isn't life grand? What would life be without sex? Just ask an old man or woman. You might be surprised.

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creep/slut more accurate than stud/slut
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Posted by: NeverWasnt on May 30, 2008 7:25 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This article is yet another example showing that feminism is not anti-sexism. Women do not experience sexism any more often or worse than men do. The stereo types are different, yet each just as pervasive as the other, and actualy inseparatable. It's the contrast between them where the real sexism comes from. The double standards hurt both men and women. But feminism only looks at one side of the issue, and refuses to look at the other.

Much of the same behavior that would get a woman called a slut would get a man called a creep. But sluts get invited to parties, Creeps do not!

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Weenie
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Posted by: weenie on May 30, 2008 7:34 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This was so evident during the political campaign. Hillary really got a bad rap. It was a joke when she was called a bitch, she was shrill (Not) and was a lowly wife in the White House. I'm one of those people who will not vote if she's not the nominee. I'm surprised women are not enraged at her treatment and the manipulation by the biased man media.

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» RE: Weenie Posted by: phatkhat
» RE: Weenie Posted by: shirl_inla
» Seriously? Posted by: banshee413
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: weenie
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: banshee413
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: MisterWu
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: weenie
» The Clinton Presidency Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: The Clinton Presidency Posted by: weenie
» RE: The Clinton Presidency Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: The Clinton Presidency Posted by: weenie

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the sexual double Standard
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Posted by: pete1029 on May 30, 2008 7:40 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Whilst I agree with the sentiment of the authors article, I would like to point out that whilst the word slut is used to denigrate women there are also sexual words which are used to denigrate men also, which the author seems not to take into account. Take for instance the use of the word sleaze, this is probably the worst word that can be used to describe men and I have yet to see women called a sleaze. So it does go both ways, which the author seems to discount.

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» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: pete1029
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: Survivor77
» Sleaze pretty much covers it Posted by: countingdaisies

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Yessir, if there's one thing you can count on . . .
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Posted by: Walks-in-Storms on May 30, 2008 7:42 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Yessir, if there's one thing you can count on from feminism, it's gravitas. The other day, I again asked a supermarket checkout clerk if he'd ever sold a tabloid newspaper or celibrity-worship magazine to a man. No, he said, never. How long had he been a checkout clerk? Seven years. In years past, the clerks (in various places nationally) had six, twelve, and eleven years in the job. Not one had ever sold a tabloid newspaper or "who's sleeping with whom in Hollywood" magazine. Yessir, if you want serious discussion of serious matters, go to feminism.

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» That's 'cuz.... Posted by: morticia

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really?
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Posted by: mnlefty on May 30, 2008 7:52 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I can't remember the last time I heard someone called a slut. If someone said it to me today, I would probably just laugh. There are certainly feminist issues of great importance. This is not one of them. I am trying to think of what I would do but I honestly can't picture the situation. I wouldn't say it's a term of endearment, but more along the lines of "OMG, I can't believe I slept with Bob last night." "Girl, you slut!" Actually it's only my gay male friends I could picture saying this. I know a lot of horny guys, but I have never heard them call a woman a slut. Most guys today are happy that women have sex, because that means they get to have sex too!

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» RE: really? Posted by: marilee
» RE: really? Posted by: jackyD

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Hillary
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Posted by: mnlefty on May 30, 2008 7:56 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I would love to vote for a woman.
I think she's about as progressive as Joe Lieberman.
She voted for the war.

Hillary's not a feminist. She's an opportunist. Gimme a real woman candidate... how about Barbara Boxer?

Just because Hillary calls herself a Democrat doesn't make her one.

But I don't think anyone's calling her a slut either :)

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You Missed the ACTUAL double standard
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Posted by: fiddler83 on May 30, 2008 7:59 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
While I will never deny that Slut is a highly pejorative for women who sleep around and that there is no stronly pejorative term for men who sleep around, the author (as well as the many on this board) missed the actual comparison for men, which is applied to men who don't date around: Loser.

If a woman is choosey about her partners or fairly chaste nobody takes issue with this. If a man cannot get a girlfriend or has only a limited number of sexual partners he is often seen as a loser. Women will often reject his sexuality completely (seeing him only as a friend or worse a creep that shouldn't even be talked to). Men and other boys will make fun of him for not being able to sleep around or for not being able to get a girlfriend.

This is a reality that most women will never deal with. If you're a a man and it's percieved that you don't live up to the playboy/stud lifestyle because you can't then it's assumed you're a loser whom women should reject. Nobody ever assumes there's something wrong with a girl who DOESN'T sleep around. But they do assume that with men.

So that's the actual comparison that should be made.

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» RE: You Missed the ACTUAL double standard Posted by: DonnaSchlesinger

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A different sexual double standard
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Posted by: fanny666 on May 30, 2008 8:50 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]

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In a time of financial upheaval....
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Posted by: walterik on May 30, 2008 8:50 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
While thousands are losing their homes, many more lose their jobs, More people are on food stamps - it is unbelievable that there are people who are concerned about such nonsense.
W.

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» RE: In a time of financial upheaval.... Posted by: Love Me, I'm a Liberal
» RE: In a time of financial upheaval.... Posted by: countingdaisies

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you have posted a damn lie.
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Posted by: beatenboy on May 30, 2008 8:52 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Response here:

http://reddit.com/info/6lebv/comments/c046hzd

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Here's reality:
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Posted by: Q30 on May 30, 2008 9:07 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Women get pregnant, men don't.

Hey, maybe that's where the taunt "slut" comes from? Because, since one can forget to use birth control, maybe it's not in a woman's best interest to sleep with 10 men per week?

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» RE: Here's reality: Posted by: Dboy

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Man Slut
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Posted by: Ruie on May 30, 2008 9:09 AM   
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I agree with this, but my high school age bother showed me at lease one of your facts is wrong. Try googling 'man slut' http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=man+slut .

But, still, there this truth to the double stranded.

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» "Man slut" doesn't count. . . Posted by: redceres
» RE: Man Slut Posted by: Vik

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A Loser Speaks
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Posted by: QQOblivion on May 30, 2008 9:26 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I am a man.
My EX-friend, also a man, used to sleep around quite regularly with women, some of them married. He was married at the time too (to a beautiful woman, by the way). Well, I for one didn't think he was cool or a stud. As a matter of fact, his ... uh... excursions... led me to find sex in general to be a disgusting human activity, to be something that I have wanted to stay away from in fear that I would be even a little like my ex-friend.
So, now I am a loser. Good. Fine with me.

But as for calling women sluts, I do agree that in general there is a double standard. (I also wondered why the "purity balls" were set up to protect GIRLS' virginity, and not the boys'.)
Our society has viewed women as property of men. That is why rape has been illegal all these years, even in less enlightened times, I guess. (Although, husbands raping their wives was considered just fine until relatively recently.) If some man rapes a woman, he has harmed some man's property or future property. So, I believe, rape was considered a crime of property, not a crime against a person's body and well-being. It's a shame that rape couldn't have been illegal the whole time for WOMEN'S benefit. But that is how society works, sadly.

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» You are no loser, QQ Posted by: Cathyblj

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It's no double standard
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Posted by: xenocyd on May 30, 2008 9:29 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
It's a gender standard. Women call women sluts because girls are usually raised to be prudes, in a strange way. Men call men studs because boys are raised in a more relaxed way so they develop more natural attitudes toward sexuality.

Gender standards are not double standards, but I'm not saying they're fair. This is just another result of sexual repression.

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The idea of "slut" goes to the heart of our screwed-up morality
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Posted by: Kym525 on May 30, 2008 9:37 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Firstly, let me state for the record that when engaged in consensual love-play between ADULTS, the term "slut" can be a turn-on, a part of role-play and because of its forbidden quality, like aural sex.

Having said that, slut is problemmatic because it goes to the heart of our puritanical society's messed-up views of women and men. Women are supposed to be "good" and men are not. Virginity is highly valued in women, even here and experience is highly valued in men. We laugh and make jokes about male virgins or think there's something "wrong" about them. Even in the romance novel genre, there's debate about whether a male virgin character is "realistic" or desired. We as a society tend to nod and nudge each other when we hear about men who've had lots of partners. Calling a man a "playboy" or a "player" carries no stigma whatsoever. Gene Simmons of KISS talks about having slept with 4800 women and no one bats an eyelash because it's rock n' roll, and by extension, it's men. Change Gene to "Jeannie" and have her slept with 4800 men and watch the fur fly.

Of course women use the word slut against each other--it's cultural conditioning at its worst. The "slut" rightly or wrongly is the woman who refuses to play by these nonsensical rules created as a means of sexual control of women's bodies and for some women, that's something they cannot be seen to condone because then ALL women will be viewed under the same lens.

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» You're kidding, right? Posted by: MartianBachelor

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You've all missed the actual reason
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Posted by: snedunuri on May 30, 2008 9:52 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The reason is simple, and I can't believe that every poster so far has missed it. For a man to get sex takes courage, skill, and practise - starting from when a guy first approaches a woman and gets "shot down", to getting a date, to making a move, to closing the deal. For a woman to get sex, its pretty much a matter of slapping on some makeup, going down to the nearest bar, and eventually saying yes. Notice I didn't say "sex with someone specific" but "sex". Partly because they can get it pretty much anytime they want, women devalue just plain sex - it often has to be sex with someone specific. But if you want to compare like with like, there's no denying its easier for women. Hence a woman that doesn't show any power of discrimination is looked down upon by other women.

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» Actually, I DO Posted by: Kym525
» I'll bite Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: Actually, I DO Posted by: snedunuri

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Libertine: A Neutral Word For Both Genders
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Posted by: Libertine on May 30, 2008 10:46 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I am one of those males with a lot of sex partners the author speaks of. The author is essentially right to say that my female partners are judged much more harshly than I am, though men like me don't go entirely without being judged negatively either.

Men like me are commonly viewed as being "afraid of commitment", "emotionally unavailable", "immature", "jerks", "assholes", "sexist", "misogynist", and so on. Need I elaborate further? I could, because I've heard it all.

But this wouldn't be any more true for me than it would be for a woman who similarly prefers variety and novelty in her sex life.

Nor do I apply a different standard to women who prefer casual sex than I do to myself, as that would be highly hypocritical to say the least. Indeed, where would I be at if all women were strictly monogamous, one-man women? Instead, when I find a woman who is like me, I feel as if I've found a kindred spirit.

And I'm not particularly fond of the words used to describe the actively non-monogamous male than women are thrilled by the word "slut". This is mainly because such words connote a rather mindless, thoughtless approach to sex, rather than the deliberately promiscuous-by-philosophy approach that I have taken.

Rather, I've adopted a term hundreds of years old to self-define my sexual inclinations: libertine. This has the benefit of being a value-neutral term equally applicable to both men and women.

I never refer to a woman as a "slut", nor would I care to be described as a "player". I refer to all people who prefer a variety of casual sex partners as libertines instead.

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Double Standard-But Improving
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Posted by: dbatterman on May 30, 2008 11:34 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Personally I see that while this double-standard does still exist and probably will never go away, I think women have mounted a good effort at resisting it, and developing their own terms to counteract it, i.e. man-whore, trash dick, etc..
While this kind of dichotomy cannot be fully erased from people's mindsets, the efforts of women to reclaim their sexual terms and freedom is the most important step to removing stigma and old attitudes.

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Double Standard
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Posted by: Badger1492 on May 30, 2008 11:48 AM   
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There's a double standard? Who knew?

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goatroper
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Posted by: genemason@verizon.net on May 30, 2008 11:53 AM   
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Your article is just delightful. I have to go back and see about getting the book. Thanks for sheer sexual clarity.

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Men and women are not equals and shouldn't be
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Posted by: nfamous on May 30, 2008 11:56 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I believe in equal rights for women but I do not believe in feminism any longer. They are not the same thing. Feminism wants to blame everything bad that ever happens to women on men. It wants to emasculate women and turn them into women while women get to behave like men. Most women hate feminism because it forces them to be something they don't want to be: a career woman and a single mom.

There are some women that are comfortable with women's liberation and everything that came with it but mostly because it's all they know. I see women everyday at work pulling out their hair and gnashing their teeth just to get through the day when they would rather be home with their families or pursuing some other personal interest of theirs.

This is all about control by the elite. They want men and women to fight over things like this because it destabilizes marriage and family life in general. When that happens we become easy prey for their psychological manipulation via consumerism, media control and other forms of mass psychosis.

Women should first of all take time to figure out what they really want instead of letting the media define them. Why are so many girls idolizing Paris, Britney and Lindsay? Because they are all over the tv and those girls don't see positive role models to emulate. Once they grow up they will become the same bitter, angry, frustrated and dissatisfied women that populate America now because they are rejecting nature itself. We are humans. Women have a role and men have a role. Technology doesn't change what we are.

As far as slut, who cares. Men have been called wimps, punks, faggots, sissies and the like for decades. Women call us dogs, pigs, gigolos, players and the like when we sleep around. I agree there is more of a stigma to slut but that's only because there are a lot of sluts out there. Who else are the players, gigolos, pimps, dogs and pigs going to sleep with? Get over it. It's just a word. As long as men are physically stronger than women there will be words like slut, cunt, skank, bitch, chickenhead, hoe and you name it. If you aren't one then don't worry about it.

Slut only means that you are sleeping with multiple partners because one doesn't satisfy you for whatever reason. Men have always slept around but it's a fairly recent thing for women. Women are not happy when they sleep around because most tie love and sex together. Men don't. We can love a woman and still have sex with a different one. Women keep trying to tell themselves that they can do what men do but they cannot because it's not up to them. It's in your DNA and your endocrine system and your reproductive system.

What is driving women to want to be men? Be women!!! Men love women, not women that want to be men. To say that slut is a double standard is to say that men and women are exactly alike. That's just not true. As long as we keep denying our the nature of our differences, we are going to keep seeing the demise of marriage/family, increasing social instability, more people in jail, more people taking antidepressants, more one night stands, more Paris look-a-likes, more people disinterested in politics. We are all walking baggage these days because when women are not happy men cannot be happy either.

What women fear is that not being a corporate woman translates to being barefoot and pregnant. Those two are not mutually exclusive. I for one hate barefoot and pregnant women but some women want to do that. That is for them. Feminism tries to tell ALL women to do the same thing and that is wrong. Women are individuals and can do whatever they want. They should just determine what they really want instead of listening to people with ulterior motives tell them what to do. Maybe I should write a book.

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» A great big swamp of wrongness Posted by: improperly_sedated
» Sounds Like Sour Grapes Posted by: Libertine
» You hit the nail on the head! Posted by: countingdaisies

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Are we perpetuating this in our home?
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Posted by: shirl_inla on May 30, 2008 12:30 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
So, I agree as a young girl I often struggled with bashing other girls...it was a doggy eat doggy world.

As a mother of two daughters and a son, I struggled with my exhusband allowing the double standard in our family- girls do inside work - boys do outside work...no curfew for our son...the girls weren't allowed to go out! okay for my son to get phone calls from girlfriends...the girls couldn't talk on the phone with boys.

As an adult woman, mother, wife, I realized the hypocrisy and have tried my best to not perpetuate that sort of thinking in my home, in my life, in my relationships. It is a hard cycle to break but it is possible. We must realize that as women we were expected to side with our "men," we have rejected female comradely even within our cultures never mind reaching out beyond our comfort zones of class and/or ethnicity. When I realized that -- One woman's struggle is every woman's struggle -- I could not longer not call myself a feminist. I no longer felt the need to compete with my sisters but seek them and embrace them.

I am now married to a man who accepts and loves me for the woman I am -- strong and independent, formidable and smart and feminine...and sexual! ooohhh...I sound like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda from Sex in the City!!! all combined :) (I wish)

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The Scene
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Posted by: logic11 on May 30, 2008 12:39 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I guess it's because I used to part of the punk scene (at least peripherally) but I know several women who refer to themselves as sluts with pride. These are not weak women who do what men tell them, rather these are women who are taking possession of the word and redefining it to be closer to stud (at least for their sub culture).

As for me, I spent my childhood being called a freak, a weirdo, a nerd, a geek, etc. I have taken all of these terms on with pride... They can't hurt me anymore because I decided they meant something else. If we, as a society, decide that slut is a positive term, then it is. If we decide to clamp down on its use, then the people who are using for control purposes will continue to do so and they will win.

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» More on the above. Posted by: logic11

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Deja Vu
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Posted by: westomoon on May 30, 2008 12:43 PM   
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Wow, the comment that this is a flashback to the fifties and sixties was quite accurate. This term, and the shunning/vulnerability that goes with it, were very big in those days. Doesn't take much analysis to understand that they are a power tool.

I guess we can thank the mainstreaming of fundamentalism and the weird Leave-It-To-Beaver nostalgia of the neocons for the resurgence of the term. It's these self-styled Christians who suddenly made it normal to discuss (and worship) virginity publicly again, and brought back all the weirdness that goes with that.

Well, the last time this term was being used this way, we denatured it by co-opting it. I was surprised to hear that "slut" as a term for a male has fallen out of use -- start using it, even if it's just girl-to-girl. It works just fine. Tshirts and jewelry that proudly proclaim "slut" -- or "bitch" or "witch" or any of the other keep-em-down words -- worked last time. The suggestion above of calmly asking for an explanation also works well, when you're given the space for it.

Sure, these are all frightening to do when you first start -- but there's no other way to undo the power of these words than to take them over. And, of course, the essential first step is to stop internalizing the power of the word, and recognize it as what it is -- just a power play, and nothing to do with one's own worth. Also, making "slut" a unisex term neutralizes it -- if a young woman gets used to recognizing a male slut when she sees one, she can tell when the word doesn't fit her.

That said, I was a little dubious about the assertion that the "slut" concept again has power in rape trials. I thought rape law had been reformed in the 80's, and victims were no longer tried on the basis of their sex lives. This author seems to have internalized the power of the S word in a really major way -- she seems to be personally afraid of it. Can somebody tell me, is it mostly her fear speaking, or have we regressed legally to the point where somebody labeled a slut can't be raped?

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» RE: Deja Vu Posted by: logic11

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The Point
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Posted by: WyrdSister on May 30, 2008 12:44 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I think, is that it is the year 2008 and such derogatory terms for women are still commonly spoken with little to no opposition. I work at an alternative high school, so personally, I call people on their speech all the time.

But, I think on the whole, women have been hearing these terms for so long, as long as patriarchy has had its strong-hold, that we just no longer pay it much mind. We do not hold any respect for people who use such speech and dont hold them to a higher standard, frankly, because they are not worth the time or energy.

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» RE: The Point Posted by: logic11

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weenie
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Posted by: weenie on May 30, 2008 12:50 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Have you heard the latest slam from the catholic priest in Chicago? This was during a church service. Anyone who can stand up under the bashing she has taken has my vote. Granted, she was not perfect but her errors we not as bad as Obama's. I think we lived pretty well when Bill Clinton was president. What is the democratic congress doing for the country?

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Creeeepy..
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Posted by: radiomorning on May 30, 2008 1:24 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Those Purity Balls sound frightening. Saving you virginity for your Daddy? Gross!

If I was a little girl and my Dad asked me to go to one of these things, I'd kick him in the purity balls and run to social services!

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Just a thought
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Posted by: taxidriver on May 30, 2008 1:32 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
My wife once joked to me, "All men are easy." Perhaps that means all men are sluts? And if (most) all of us are, the term "slut" has no impact, at least for men.

As one other commenter noted, the term "loser" makes most men wince, and is often associated with a lack of sexual activity.

And so it goes ...

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I Agree, But
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Posted by: dumdumboy on May 30, 2008 2:26 PM   
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...I had a (male) friend who once bragged that he'd told another (male) friend that he was a slut. They had been having an affair, and the one who made the accusation was peeved that the other was always seeking sex on the phone. (Back in the 70s, people would utilize "dead lines," which were something like three digits, in order to contact other people for sex. The phone company tried jamming the lines. Now they charge for it.) Well, not only seeking sex, but succeeding several times each and every day!

I agree with the author that the term "slut" is widely used against women only. But there have been instances where men have used it against one another. I believe that sex columnist Dan Savage has used it in regard to men as well, although I could be wrong.

Mebbe the author could come up with some derogatory term to be used in place of "stud." A "Cheney," perhaps?

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Isn't it a matter of finding the norm?
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Posted by: Erik1968 on May 30, 2008 2:33 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This article reminded me of Paul Feig's quote that the only time teenage boys aren't being called a fag is when they're calling someone else a fag. Aren't words like "slut" and "fag" used by adolescents who are groping their way toward adulthood to normalize behavior? As much as I prefer an open mind, I don't know if there's an outside to normalization, especially for teenagers.

In other words, "slut" is almost never about actuaal sluttiness, and "fag" is almost never about actual gayness. Both are used to taunt teens who refuse to conform to gender roles.

Not that I think it makes it right per se, but I wonder if these words aren't sort of necessary. I'm 40, and at first I wondered if this article was lifted from my high school newspaper circa 1984 (we called it "Newspeak." Isn't that clever?).

Boys and girls who get called fag and slut grow up and move away and are really happy, to paraphrase Matt Stone in Bowling for Columbine. It's just a matter of getting through it without killing yourself or anyone else.

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Okay- Giving an Honest Example of my Behavior
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Posted by: sinawae on May 30, 2008 2:37 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Okay, so somebody staighten me out/gimme the low-down.
So I am a sexually active, young woman- I've been through many relationships and have also been raped, so I deffinitely have an idea of sex in all it's wonderful/terrible ways. I am a t-shirt and sneakers sort of girl, and I don't wear make-up. When I see a woman who is really 'sexy', who shows a lot of skin etc. and is OPEN about sex, I think cool- you look great too! But when I see women who are sort of 'status quo' sexy; as if trying to maintain a demure attitude, but go traipsing about like strumpets and think that they are NOT slutty because they 'keep it in bounds' and are NOT having sex makes me mad. I call them sluts all the time. So (using a different example here) somebody who is a whore (a literal whore) is not slutty to me- but the virgin woman who dresses like a friggin tramp pisses me off. Where am I getting that? Why am I mad at those women?? I know I'm not alone here because I have male and female friends who have mentioned the same attitude.

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idk, but i have heard men called sluts, and i enjoyed it
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Posted by: 50566 on May 30, 2008 4:31 PM   
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i have heard men being called "sluts", so i guess that means i musta been ina rarified environment of evolved pp. So "men are NEVER called sluts" is not true in my reality experience.

Call a man a slut today, and it won't be true in yours either! Maybe then it will all turn out to be ok. +)

but yes, other than that, what she says is generally what I have noticed, experienced also. that's why when i heard a man called "slut" i have never forgotten how happy i felt! =) cuz it was def true! he WAS a slut, for sure! lol

dont worry, be happy
create your own reality

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And so, now edified. . .
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Posted by: Prairie Waif on May 30, 2008 7:51 PM   
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I go to rearrange the furniture for my summer of flings.

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» Oooooh!!Oooooooh!! Posted by: improperly_sedated

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Slut Versus Pussy Whipped
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Posted by: PaulK on May 30, 2008 9:04 PM   
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If you keep letting your violent and alcoholic husband into you, even after the first four pregnancies, you're in love. Love is one of the two most powerful emotional forces in your life. Women can be utter fools about it, and that's the way it goes. The difference is not the lack of sexual self-control, but the ring on the finger.

Our society is driving our young men away from marriage in batallions. This often leaves young women extremely comfortable with having sex but with no man good enough (rich enough to provide a home for the babies). Try sex for quite a while, take away that number one man, and you then become a regular at the meat markets, looking for anyone decent and getting liquored just in case. Sorry, but masturbation just doesn't do the trick.

The young men score, then run away because they're poor and they learn that many women actually want a long term relationship with babies. Rarely, an aggressively forward woman hits the jackpot in a bar, maybe a drunken, lonely, caring doctor with an amazing pretax income.

Men with steady girlfriends / fiancees / wives are called pussy whipped, being controlled by domineering women. It's considered only a minor mark against them. Yes, men are the same utter fools in love that women are.

Most women (and most animal species) can't control their addiction to sex. They're in love, they're out-of-control drunken sluts, whatever. Oh, and human shame is intimately tied up in homo sapien's inability to stop completing the sex act.

A woman calling some other woman a slut, tapping into her self-shame about her willingness to take sexual risks and lack of self-control, is cruel. Calling some woman a bitch, in the sense that many women have rage about their weak positions in life and they don't handle their feelings inside very well, especially before menstruation, is cruel. We're pretty much the same out of control animals whether we're sluts, lucky stiffs who marry well, or guys who don't have to ever wear any scarlet letters.

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» RE: Posted by: WyrdSister

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Glad to see this issue being brought out into the open..
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Posted by: NDK on May 31, 2008 2:25 AM   
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...it's about time this particular inequality was addressed. I for one want women to be equals, have always thought they were my equal in status and right. Was a shock to discover that they are not in fact treated with equity.

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This comment has been removed from the site due to non-compliance with AlterNet's community policies.

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No no no
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Posted by: Dboy on May 31, 2008 9:02 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
A slut is a girl who will apparently have sex with anyone except YOU! Geez I thought we all learned this in high school.

dboy

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» RE: No no no Posted by: Landbaron
» RE: No no no Posted by: Scientz

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nothing new
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Posted by: bluebirdella on May 31, 2008 2:23 PM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The double standard is hardly a revelation - which makes the author seem very young. Women have always been viewed primarily as breeding stock and sexual playthings. Heterosexual men are lauded for promiscuity as long as they do it for self-gratification and status. This dehumanizes everyone. Women aren't supposed to enjoy sex or have the freedom to choose our sexual partners. Bitch, whore, slut, cunt, dyke, ball buster - these are all terms used to control female behavior. Society still tells you that you are nothing without a man. Women remain second-class citizens, less "real" than men, less relevant, less important. The only way to change that is to be better at everything, know more, keep your own bank account, be financially independent, never let someone else support you, avoid marriage, keep your own place to live, learn self-defense, change your own oil, and be very careful about whom you allow into your life. Never let anyone tell you that you need a man to be deemed worthy. Learn to recognize abusers and reject men who demean you. Reject men who are sexually selfish, bullying, or manipulative. Reject labels and lies. Raise strong, capable daughters and let your sons be who they are. Put your own well-being first.

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um...nope
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Posted by: bluebirdella on May 31, 2008 2:40 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
While many women haven't outgrown a victim's mentality, just as many men haven't outgrown a gross sense of male entitlement. Everyone needs to become more responsible on the road to equality. Only in recent history have women had meaningful life choices. There are still plenty of people out there who would prefer to limit them. A strong woman who knows who she is will always prefer a relationship based on mtutual admiration and respect. Abusers aren't strong or more masculine - they are abusers. Kind men aren't weak, but kind.

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» RE: um...nope Posted by: fanny666
» well, dude Posted by: bluebirdella

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The problem with equality...
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Posted by: YogiBear on May 31, 2008 3:07 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...is that the way we envision it is to bring the treatment of women up to the level where men are. But that's not how it works. We'll only be truly equal when the treatment of men is brought down to the level women are treated. Once we're all treated sh*tty, then we'll be equals.

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I often hear men called sluts . . .
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Posted by: Scientz on May 31, 2008 4:49 PM   
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. . . but usually in jest, not as a judgment.

Women (perhaps, more appropriately, girls) use the word as an in-group, out-group thing. As a way of casting someone (usually out of jealousy) from their social group.

I honestly don't see this as a serious facet of the gender wars.

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sexual divide
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Posted by: luzmejor on May 31, 2008 9:50 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Using pejorative terms to slander women is a male trick. There's a TV clip of a well-known Fox host named O'Reilly cozying up to someone off camera. The viewer can see by his unctuous look that the person he is addressing is female and probably younger than he is.

If you make eye contact or pay any attention to many men, they will treat you like a vamp and they think they are being nice to you.

If you don't seem appropriately flattered by their attention, that's when the slurs start in earnest. Men like these have very fragile egos that constantly need feeding.

Just bear in mind that is NOT your job!

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A solution to the "slut" problem
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Posted by: stina723 on Jun 1, 2008 12:13 PM   
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all women should stop engaging in any type of sexual activity and take up knitting and praying. And also start dressing like the FDLS cult. Then there's no way that anyone could call any woman a slut.

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GOD GAVE US ALL 'A PLACE?'
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Posted by: Malcus Garvey on Jun 1, 2008 1:59 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The reason that this kind of sexual double-standard benefits society is, the children suffer when women try to live like men. The Mother's son sees her as a whore, while the daughter picks-up her promiscuous habits. Consequently, the whole neighborhood, society and civilization dwindles into paganism. When women want to be right where men are at--Creation wise--it disturbs the whole fabric of Holyism. Wanting otherwise, is questioning Thee Almighty. That's what got Eve and all women in their cycle and birthing pains, now?

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» RE: God? Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: God? Posted by: davmills
» RE: God? Posted by: WyrdSister

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Appellations for the Feminine of the Crowd
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Posted by: cokids on Jun 2, 2008 6:44 AM   
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Someone said, "so the only real reason that men are not sluts is that men can not use sex to get what they want for the most part, men don't really have that option, men CAN'T be sluts, if they could be they would be..but for sure in the gay community there most definitely are male sluts!"

I have read that women give sex to get affection and men give affection to get sex. (Obviously a gross generalization, but even gross generalizations have some truth to them? I realize that this aphorism implies that women don't genuinely enjoy sex.) But, when a man uses affection to get sex in a promiscuous way, is HE being a 'slut?' Or, CAN males be sluts in this way?

I have noted that not only do we have negative words for women that we don't have for men, but we have positive ones for males that we don't have female equivalents for. First of all, does the word 'male' carry positive or negative connotations? And how about 'female?' And then there's the affectionate appellation that many men use for their male offspring: 'Son.' Do they talk to their daughters with similar affectionate and proud appellations, "Daughter?" I don't know of any!! Do you?

There's a lot more to all of this than many of us have even thought of! I'm sure I've said some pretty insensitive things and you'll point them out! We ALL are sexist and racist whether we want to be or not!

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Slut by Definition
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Posted by: Shardog on Jun 2, 2008 1:20 PM   
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By definition... men can not be called sluts.
it is defined as
NOUN:

1.
1. A woman considered sexually promiscuous.
2. A woman prostitute.
2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.
(slattern means a dirty untidy woman)

I actually wrote to Websters Dictionary about changing the definition of the word to include males. The response was... the word needs to be used in describing men more frequently...so much so that it makes a mark..how to do that? when it starts getting used enough in movies and tv shows, mainstream... the definition can then be put up for a change.

This of course doesn't go into whether or not it even should be used at all. Just thought i'd throw that out there...if you want to make it a level playing field when it comes to this word...start spreading the word. I guess.

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From my days of being a single man
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Posted by: daenku32 on Jun 2, 2008 4:38 PM   
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I can tell that it would have been much easier for me to get laid had I been a woman.

Being a man, getting some action is a real challenge. Especially if you are looking to having sex with every woman in your apartment building.

For a woman, not so much. Just tell a man that you want sex and they will follow you wherever you go (not counting gay or asexual men, of course).

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» Women are the gatekeepers Posted by: theguyintheback

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Guys can be sluts! And whores, too!
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Posted by: ihop on Jun 3, 2008 2:16 PM   
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And the appropriate terms are "boyslut" and "manwhore". I know a several guys, including some friends, who have been tarred with this designation. Usually because they will try to hook up with every single female within a group of friends, which is pretty gnarly.

Start using the correct terms. A guy who will bone anything that moves is not a stud, he is a manwhore, and should be derided as such.

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frog
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Posted by: frog111 on Jun 4, 2008 8:03 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I certainly agree with that the double standard is alive and well, but I wanted to address the author's comment that it is not logical. In fact, it is logical - let me explain. First, several comments argued that the double standard is embedded in our Christian heritage. While this is true, the double standard far predates Christianity. Similarly, several posts refer to the standard explanation involving the control of women by men in an (ancestral) patriarchal past. This is also true (if you don't believe this is an accurate characterization of human history, see Laura Betzig's excellent book "Despotism and Differential Reproduction", which is currently the definitive work on the matter, in my opinion). But all this begs the question of why the double standard has been (and remains) such a prevalent part of our history. The answer has to do with patterns of parental investment in our (and indeed in many) species. During most of our history, the act of copulation typically committed a woman to nine months of pregnancy and twenty years of parental investment in a child. One could argue that the woman could abandon the child once it was born, but this was (and remains) a relatively rare event. In contrast, male desertion has been (and remains) common throughout our history. So the relative commitment to parental investment implied in the act of copulation is much greater for women, and the risk of desertion by men is higher. Now consider that biparental care provides a huge advantage to human children (I will be happy to provide numerous references for this claim on request). If a woman is promiscuous, then any particular partner will lack "confidence of paternity" (i.e. none of her partners will know whether or not they are the father). They will then be unlikely to be willing to commit to a long period of parental investment (i.e. they will be likely to desert). But if they do invest in the offspring of a female who has been promiscuous, there is a distinct possibility that they will have been cuckolded - i.e., that they will be investing in offspring that are not their own (the term cuckold, by the way, is a mortal insult to men in many cultures). Hence, males will view promiscuity on the part of their partners with extreme disapproval, as it exposes them to the risk of cuckoldry and the derogatory term slut is one manifestation of that reaction (there are many others). In contrast, the actual act of copulation on the part of men does not carry the same risk of misguided investment for women as it does for men (women are virtually always certain of maternity). This asymmetry in patterns of investment and risk of cuckoldry explains (at least in part) the difference in the attitude toward promiscuity of ones partner (or potential partners) held by men compared to women. This is not to say that women do not compete for male investment, or get jealous when their partner invests in other women - indeed they do - it is simply that this competition and jealousy do not focus on the act of copulation (for the reasons just stated), but rather focus on other measures of tendency to invest, such as emotional attachment and commitment. The fact that this is part of our history in no way implies that it cannot be changed. In fact, being aware of the logical explanation for the double standard can make change more feasible. But that is another post altogether.

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» Excellent explanation Posted by: marginal_x
» I second that, very good! Posted by: Landbaron
» But there's more to it than just that Posted by: MartianBachelor

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Conclusion..
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Posted by: Landbaron on Jun 11, 2008 8:25 PM   
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Men are stupid and women are evil.

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It is a state of mind
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Posted by: Xadiz on Jun 13, 2008 7:27 PM   
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'Outside of the feminist implications of the sexual double standard'

They have a single standard?

I don't think so. Half of feminism be it ersatz or be it celebrity-feminism is up for slutdom,

and if published womanhood is endorsing it, they won't be pblished if they're supporters of Dworkin or Donna Hughes, then what's on TV?

There is money and acceptance in endorsing reckless whoredom. Is there a nice side to the word, well it is like the 'N' thing, the nice side is Jay-Z and out of his 99 probs, a slut ain't one of them

So vote for Harvey, Illinois, just don't get out of car, and if you hear gun shots it might just be the Harvey PD shooting at the FBI.

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Alternet Comments:

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Term of Jealousy & Endearment
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Posted by: Whistler on May 30, 2008 1:29 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
First and foremost, notice that she was called slut by other women mostly. The term is used for pretty women ONLY. When a woman is fat and ugly, no one ever calls them a slut. So the word - especially by other women - is used purely out of jealousy. Otherwise, it is a term of endearment and lust.

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» Sorry to burst your bubble Posted by: paulaH
» RE: Term of Jealousy & Endearment Posted by: Survivor77
» HA! Posted by: Coleman

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1950s here we come again
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Posted by: cordas on May 30, 2008 2:56 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Ok I am from the otherside of the pond so our cultural references will be different.... but this seems so much like a rant from the 1950s not the 21st century.

I really am sick of these garbage articles that try and stir up the "sexist" debate, as far as I am aware slut as an insult is gender neutral. It also has a sexy / teasing nature that is more female specific but that is light hearted and not meant to demean women.

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» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: goeswithness
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: Moira61
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: maestra
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: radiomorning
» RE: 1950s here we come again Posted by: radiomorning

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I absolutely agree
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Posted by: goeswithness on May 30, 2008 3:39 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
But it's more than control. From what is being said in these conversations, it is clear that a lot of it goes back to the supposition that males are naturally sexually ravenous beasts who can't be expected to make responsible decisions, while women really have no sex drive (unless they're in love), which means they're the ones who always have to make the wise choices. If a normal (small sex drive) woman has sex with a lot of different people she's desparate, has no self esteem, or is trying to get gifts. A woman who has sex just because she likes it is somehow abnormal.

I hear younger people talk like this all the time, off and on the internet. The fact that it's so rife the younger generation is particularly depressing to me. I was looking at some comments on the Sex and the City movie earlier which just reeked of this.

It's true, as a commenter said above, that it's often women saying it out of a sense of jealousy, but it certainly doesn't stop there. And it isn't just about looks - the idea that you might be holding out till you get married or at least find The One while there are other women willing to entertain The One in the meantime must really hurt. But Young men are saying it too, and often express the sentiment that they'd reject a woman with too much experience.

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the Kama Sutra says that both men and women who have had many
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Posted by: Suzon on May 30, 2008 4:07 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
sexual partners are devalued. I tend to agree with that.

Name-calling, however, is a sign of ignorance and/or lack of maturity.

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Don't think this isn't still around, and still harmful
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Posted by: ailei on May 30, 2008 4:09 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
My 12 year old daughter has been called a slut so many times that she's already starting to wear it as a badge of pride. She's not DOING anything, but the very fact that she likes to have boyfriends and isn't ashamed of it makes her the 'slut of the school'. If you think that isn't harmful and awful, you're dreaming. When she got sick for 2 weeks and came back, weak and still not feeling well, they all told her she got some 'slut disease' and she lost most of the friends she had. Because she got sick. Because she isn't ashamed to like boys and because she likes to hang around with them. But should any young woman have to deal with this? The fact that she does just makes this article all the more relevant. Thanks, Jessica, for addressing it in a way that is accessible to her (she's read your Full Frontal Feminist book - I got it for her for Yule), and incredibly appropriate to what she's going through right now.

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Here's the best way to defend yourself. Go on the offensive.
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Posted by: maxpayne on May 30, 2008 4:17 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Look, if someone calls you a slut even when they know you aren't in school, ask them to define it. Chances are they won't and then nail them at it. It's called framing and reframing. There are some things the currently rigged educational system won't teach you and framing is certainly one of them. The author made a mistake of putting herself on the defensive when she should have gone on the offensive. If you only react while your enemy does the framing, then of course they'll succeed in turning your friends against you.

PEACE

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» No problemo. Posted by: maxpayne

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Terms of slander
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Posted by: Sushi on May 30, 2008 4:46 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
If you think about it, basically most derogatory terms involve something to do with being the female. "I got screwed (or f**ked, or boned)" or any combination thereof indicates being on the receiving end and considered negative. The old aggressive, "F**k you" takes the offensive, a verbal raping and generally an "alpha" challenge. (Macaques (monkeys) display their erect penises as a visual flip-off since they cannot speak). Go through the most vulgar insults you can think of and most of them are suggestively or overtly related to being on the receiving end of masculine superior sex, and being female is derogatorily defined.

I noticed this a long time ago.

Sushi
"I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in."

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» RE: Terms of slander Posted by: Survivor77
» RE: Terms of slander Posted by: LeeAnnG
» RE: Terms of slander Posted by: Crazy H

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Slut just one of many terms used to control and punish...
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Posted by: Survivor77 on May 30, 2008 4:50 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
One of the things that strikes me when this topic surfaces - and I completely disagree with those who characterize the discussion as no longer relevant or who think "slut" is a term of endearment - is how infrequently discussants note that the term is used against straight women, not lesbians. I suspect lesbians aren't called sluts because they're deemed as beyond the control of hetero-gender norms, lost causes if you will. "Slut" is indeed, a term of control. In fact, "slut" is one of several terms meant to control women, meant to emphasize one kind of feminine standard as the "right way to be a woman." Think about it. When women fail to be the right kind of women, they are called sluts, bitches, whores, ball-breakers, dykes, etc. When men fail to be the right kind of man, they are called sissy-boys, fags, a mamma's boy, bastard, and any number of words we use for female genitalia, among others. What do these terms have in common, beyond how they are used? We are wedded to certain views of masculinity and femininity and when people deviate from those norms, we slap them with the worst words we have for those kinds of deviants - all words related to women (or we batter them with physical violence). The worst thing you can be in this society is a man who isn't manly enough, a woman who refuses to be controlled, or just a woman - all bad. Speaks very much to women's lesser status.

"Slut" is a term of endearment if you mean to postulate that it is endearing to be verbally coerced into the right kind of womanhood - a womanhood that is unwaveringly straight, second to men and happy to be second, and devoted to serving men via heterosexuality. Tired of these discussions? Fix the real problem. Valencia is like the person who finds a pile of crap in the middle of the road and gets blamed for noting that it stinks. Go after the crap-leaver, not the crap-finder. And, recall that when you suggest "slut" is a term of endearment, you are - without doubt - a crap-leaver.

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know who you are
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Posted by: ggmurray on May 30, 2008 4:56 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Words like 'slut' have no power if you know who you are. You can see right through them to the fear and confusion of the ones uttering them. Men and women who sense their own wholeness and freedom have no need to demean or control others.

I am certain it is up to me to make my own life good. No one else can do it for me, nor can their confusions confound me. I trust my inner guidance and love the way my life unfolds.

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» RE: know who you are Posted by: Wacre
» This argument enables bullies. Posted by: KeepsonTickn

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Jealousy - not true
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Posted by: Survivor77 on May 30, 2008 4:59 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Women call each other slut not out of jealousy but b/c women are complicit in their own oppression, using this and other derogatory words to impose a standard of femininity that serves male dominance. It's the "can't beat 'em, don't want to get beat by 'em" strategy employed by women all the time. What comments like yours reveal, above all else, is the extent to which women are unaware of how oppressed they are and how hard they work to maintain the system that oppresses them. Valencia is right on target.

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Religious Indoctrination
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Posted by: Purple Girl on May 30, 2008 4:59 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This double standard and devaluing woman goes Back to the Editing of the bible.
want to point a finger at who allowed this 'Judgement' on fellow 'creations' look to the Catholic Church. I was Born & raised Catholic- Now long since Recovered. This began really with the Jealosies of the male apostles towards Mary Magdelene.Was it not Peter (Highjacker of the Real Religion) who bitched about how Jesus paid special attention to Mary?Why becaseu they FEAR US, They don't understand US so they Devalue Us, And it has infected our Morals, Values and enlightenment Ever since.
In peagan Religions Females were Revered becaseu they were the Givers of Life and Care takers (mainly because we lactated, thus sustaining the 'offspring')Males have no such ability, and so they had to destroy and demean this 'power'.
Want to finally end 'sexism' Start with the Religions who have used it to Control it's members. How dare they speak of 'gods' necessary other half of humanity with such disdain- Is that Not heresay?Does it not Qualify as a Major Deadly SIN? Women need to turn away from these Blasphemous Institutionalizations of Sexism. How dare they Judge and condemn their Own Creators Creation! It was never their job, and NEVER their Right!

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» RE: THANK YOU Posted by: WyrdSister

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Words like slut ALWAYS have power -
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Posted by: Survivor77 on May 30, 2008 5:04 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...because using the term is less about one woman's sexual behaviors than it is about women's proper place as second to men. It's less about one woman and far more about policing the proper way to be women - the way that serves men and male dominance. I agree that women need to develop strong senses of who they are and emotionally prepare themselves to weather the slings and arrows of deviating from feminine norms but let's not suggest the words used to control women have no power.

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its more complicated than that
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Posted by: bobson on May 30, 2008 5:14 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
all true what you say but you are never going to change the way some men view women, the same people who call women sluts also pollute the environment, don't care about equal rights, think iraqi terrorists were behind 911, and they participate in just about every other mindless and negative activity available.
just don't think all men think like this, in fact, none of my friends have ever even talked like this. the problem is much larger than you make it out to be though, there is much more behind it than a double standard.
and by the way, the only people I hear use the word slut and bitch on a regular basis are women. sorry. this is just the fact of the matter. but yeah, women are seen as sluts for being sexually promiscuous and men aren't, this is true and nothing new. But again, not all women, it depends on how they carry it. Women throw around the word slut very easily, but for men I think slut does not mean a sexually strong woman it implies a sexually promiscuous woman who is a bitch as well, a woman who uses sex as currency, to get something, to get somewhere, so women like this are usually morally bankrupt across the board, not just when it comes to sex, and this is how most men use the word, and also why you hear it less from the mouths of men than women
so the only real reason that men are not sluts is that men can not use sex to get what they want for the most part, men don't really have that option, men CAN'T be sluts, if they could be they would be..but for sure in the gay community there most definitely are male sluts!

I wish the writer of this article would have thought a little bit more before publishing.

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Great article; glad it's here
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Posted by: janvdb on May 30, 2008 5:21 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The extent to which this is IMPORTANT is shown by the extent to which this methodology of woman-control, in combination with others, has led to the continued lagging of women in all socioeconomic indicators -- levels of poverty, income, wage rates, exposure to sub-prime ARMs, lack of health insurance -- you name it.

It all starts with this kind of stigmatizing, controlling, limiting, down-putting garbage.

By the way, there is a word for a male slut, it's just not widely used: slutball.

Jan VanDenBerg

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A War on Words?
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Posted by: craigandrew on May 30, 2008 5:40 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The war on drugs fails because we are fighting the supply and not the demand - the disease of addiction. A war on a word fails for a very similar reason; trying to stop people from saying it vs. learning to ignore it and live past it.

Everyone who chooses to live their own lives will be called many things... and nothing can change that. If you want to live your own life, your self-esteem and sense of character has to be stronger than a word.

C:)

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Males are taught by other males to hate females, female-ness, and be at best ambivalent about sex
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Posted by: gendershaman on May 30, 2008 5:58 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
There are no positive positive words/phrases for a sexually-active female among males. There are over a thousand negative words/phrases in the Oxford English dictionary. Some of these include: Bimbo, Bitch, Broad, Chick, Concubine, Coquette, Cum Dumpster, Fallen Woman, Fast Woman, Flirt, Floozy, Gold Digger, Harlot, Ho, Hole, Hooker, Hussy, Hustler, Jade, Lady of the Night, Loose Woman, Nymphomaniac, Piece of Ass, Pig, Playgirl, Promiscuous, Prostitute, Pushover, Puta, Quickie, Sexpot, Skank, Skeezer, Skirt, Slag, Slattern, Slut, Squaw, Strumpet, Sweat Hog, Tart, Tease, Tramp, Trickster, Trollop, Vamp, Vixen, Wanton, Whore...
Meanwhile, there are no truly negative phrases for a sexually-active male among males. Some of the positive phrases active among boys and men include: Big Man On Campus, Businessman (takin’ care of Business), Busta Hymen, Casanova, Champion, Cocksman, Daddy Long Stroke, Desperado, Diesel Man, Dirty Dog, Don Juan, Dude, Freak, Funky War God, Gigolo, God’s Gift To Women, Greek God, Hercules, Hit Man, Ho Daddy, Hustler, Ladies Man, Lady Killer, Lothario, Lounge Lizard, Mack, Mack Daddy, Pile-Driver, Pimp, Pipe-Layer, Playboy, Player, Prostitutional Engineer, Punisher, Purple-Headed Warrior, Rake, Rascal, Real Man, Romeo, Rooster, Roué, Sensualist, Sexual Athlete, Sperminator, Stallion, Stud, Suga(r) Dick, Terminator, Tomcat, Virgin Slayer, Virgin Surgeon, Wolf, Wrecking Ball...
I developed this as an exercise in the early 90's to help illuminate the double-standard that men created. No male ever went home in tears after being called a male slut or male whore. Further, no males’ reputation has suffered due to his reputed heterosexual sexual activity.
Thank you,
Joe Weinberg

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» No male reputation has suffered Posted by: countingdaisies

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I object to knitters being left out of the "slut" category!
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Posted by: Beck on May 30, 2008 5:59 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Don't let knitters off the hook! They're sluts as much as any other women. Look at those phallic needles. There's a reason knitting is experiencing a new popularity, and it ain't craftiness.

Here's a poem from a women's magazine of the 50s:

"Standing, riding, walking, sitting,
Wherever she goes, there goes her knitting."

A Watchbird caught you doing these awful things, and let you know you were under constant, deserved scrutiny. "Here's a Watchbird watching YOU."

This poemwas meant to teach how annoying women are when they knit. Knitting on the bus! Poking people! Knitting at home! At a PTA meeting! Control those women enjoying themselves! Embarrass them! It's a good thing that in those repressed 50s, it wasn't realized how slutty knitting can be. Now women are pretty much shamed only for horniness. Or, wait, if they work. If they're an unmarried mother who doesn't work. Oh, if their kids are in day care. And if they look a bit odd. Oh, well. Erase yourself long enough and you'll win approval eventually! It's worth the lifelong try.

Remember girls, a Watchbird is watching you right now! Guys, whatever.

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» roflmao! Posted by: stellabloo
» beautiful Posted by: bluebirdella

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it's all about control?
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Posted by: dsmidiman on May 30, 2008 6:00 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
There are always going to be the "kids" in the corner talking foolishly about the opposite sex. It happens with males and females alike. In fact I would say that females talk more like that about males than the other way around. Males are just to stupid to do it only in the privacy of other males.

I find the interesting thing about this article and some of the responses to it is the use of the term "control". It seems to me that everything has to do with a man controlling or trying to control a woman these days. We are not living in the past. The "woman's movement" has been mainstream for years. We have raised generations of young people being blasted continuously about respecting women, women being equal with the same rights as men not possessions etc.etc. I am glad for that because it is suppose to be that way. Are there exceptions to the rule? are there still screwed up males out there? Of course. But there are screwed up females out there also.

I just feel that males have been bashed and bashed and bashed so much the last several years that most are now so confused they are just giving up (or turning gay). They try so hard to "empower" thier female counter part that they have become "wimps" They don't know what the heck to do because everything they say or do is turned into some horrific terrible thing that always ends up meaning that they have no respect for their woman and just want to "control" her in some way.

Yet we still have the bashing going on everywhere. Not only is it confusing to men it also teaches the women that THEY actually can "control" their man simply by crying wolf(which has always been the case in my mind, it's just for some reason women choose to not see it that way). Again there are exceptions to this but there are exceptions to everything.

The funny part is the more the man tries to make the woman feel empowered, respected and not controlled the weaker he is in the woman's eyes. More often than not this ends with the woman leaving the man because he has become so accommodating and passive he appears somehow weak or a "wimp" in the woman's eyes. She sets out to find someone more "exciting" "driven" "strong". It's almost like the woman see's this wild stallion and the wilder the stallion is the more she wants him. Then she works and works through manipulation mentally and physically to "tame" the wild stallion. Once she has done so he becomes this weak wimpy thing that no longer has her interest(s) It's all very sad to me.

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» RE: it's all about control? Posted by: bobson

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Woman mighth have the option...
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Posted by: davmills on May 30, 2008 6:07 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Men who use "slut" and "whore" frequently or perhaps at all don't really like women. Some male misogyny (not the same thing as male sexism)comes from sour grapes and ego: they did not get the attention they felt/feel they should be getting from women, and don't like them for that. They neglect the fact that women, many intelligent,might not get the attention they deserve due to stereotypes of what constitutes physical attractiviness.
However, that written, I think women are now sufficiently empowered to think twice about knowing a male if they find he uses those words quoted above-and has related attitudes.

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» No gods, No masters Posted by: Dallas Suz

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Men under pressure too ...
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Posted by: mtodorov_69 on May 30, 2008 6:31 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I would like to emphasize that there is a common prejudice amongst people, and yes, amongst patriarchal women as well as academically educated - that a man is at least latent homosexual if he is abstaining from sex and not "scoring" enough.

This introduces a great pressure and only example of Jesus Christ is the strength to endure and not "score" to prove oneself a "real man".

This mentality is a double-edged sword in which neither man neither women can remain pure. You can cancel the comment, but you won't cancel the facts.

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It's time men developed thicker skins
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Posted by: Martin32 on May 30, 2008 6:35 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
When I first saw this article I thought "fair point, but surely old news - does it really need reiterating?". Then, I saw some of the responses here and understood that, yes, this obvious point does have to be made again (and probably again and AGAIN).
It staggers me that there are so many otherwise intelligent men who feel the need to get defensive whenever a woman points out that we live in an essentially patriarchal society in which masculinity (of one particular construction) is prized, while womanhood is rejected in favour of an easily controllable and submissive "femininity". Immediately you will see men springing up, crying foul and countering with arguments ranging from the insidious ("maybe that's how it used to be, but society has changed") to the frankly ludicrous ("slut is a term of endearment" - puh-leeze!).
I think the problem is that men think that they're being accused of something here - lighten up, guys! As men, we all need to recognize that we have all benefitted from the way our society is organized and run, materially if not spiritually. I'm not trying to pretend that all men have easier lives than all women, but on average most men don't have to deal with what women have to put up with. I wouldn't live a woman's life if you paid me! Whether it's female genital mutilation, or so-called "honour killings" (my own personal cause at the moment), or simply the lack of freedom to truly express sexuality or individuality, or inequality of pay, women have to face a host of issues that men will never have to deal with. In return, we get nasal hair and prostate problems!
That doesn't mean that we, as men, are all bad people. We can't be blamed for things that we did not choose, but we can be blamed for allowing the status quo to endure, particularly if we are benefitting from it. So, next time a woman writes a feminist article, don't take it as an attack. Stop and think, consider whether it is fair, and help to build a society in which we are all free to be ourselves and pursue our own spiritual, intellectual, emotional and material fulfilment without being judged or persecuted.

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Sex control
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Posted by: fdgsr on May 30, 2008 7:23 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
There are many methods and modes of sex control. The original was probably violence against women and against the male who stole another male's female. Next was probably clothing -- the more the safer. Then chastity belts, and shotguns. One of the effective and milder forms of sex control was religion with a monopoly on legitimacy of sex. Finally, there are laws and legal marriages. Morality takes the form of religious retribution by God himself on any female who would be sexual for any purpose other than procreation, with any male other than the one who promised to feed cloth her and protect her offspring until they got out of hand. Then there is true morality as a personal commitment to a caring and supportive acceptance of a mate equal in status to himself or herself and true participation in the process of perpetration of the species. The male term of a man who violates women is "rapist". The male term for a woman who tempts a man to have sex with her is "slut". There are no female rapists as such because it is impossible to force a man to participate in sex against his erective impulses. Likewise there are no male prostitutes because there is too much free male sex and the supply and demand effect sets in to prevent a profit.

Self control of sex by both genders is required to ensure the quality of the reproductive act. Humans have a brain and a mind that can do that even against the advice of the hormones raging in the bodies of both male and female. Other species have more or less effective control devices. Birds and black widow spiders have the most interesting sex dances. They don't beat the waltz and foxtrot, but they are classic for each species involved. Isn't life grand? What would life be without sex? Just ask an old man or woman. You might be surprised.

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creep/slut more accurate than stud/slut
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Posted by: NeverWasnt on May 30, 2008 7:25 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This article is yet another example showing that feminism is not anti-sexism. Women do not experience sexism any more often or worse than men do. The stereo types are different, yet each just as pervasive as the other, and actualy inseparatable. It's the contrast between them where the real sexism comes from. The double standards hurt both men and women. But feminism only looks at one side of the issue, and refuses to look at the other.

Much of the same behavior that would get a woman called a slut would get a man called a creep. But sluts get invited to parties, Creeps do not!

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Weenie
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Posted by: weenie on May 30, 2008 7:34 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This was so evident during the political campaign. Hillary really got a bad rap. It was a joke when she was called a bitch, she was shrill (Not) and was a lowly wife in the White House. I'm one of those people who will not vote if she's not the nominee. I'm surprised women are not enraged at her treatment and the manipulation by the biased man media.

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» RE: Weenie Posted by: phatkhat
» RE: Weenie Posted by: shirl_inla
» Seriously? Posted by: banshee413
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: weenie
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: banshee413
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: MisterWu
» RE: Seriously? Posted by: weenie
» The Clinton Presidency Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: The Clinton Presidency Posted by: weenie
» RE: The Clinton Presidency Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: The Clinton Presidency Posted by: weenie

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the sexual double Standard
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Posted by: pete1029 on May 30, 2008 7:40 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Whilst I agree with the sentiment of the authors article, I would like to point out that whilst the word slut is used to denigrate women there are also sexual words which are used to denigrate men also, which the author seems not to take into account. Take for instance the use of the word sleaze, this is probably the worst word that can be used to describe men and I have yet to see women called a sleaze. So it does go both ways, which the author seems to discount.

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» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: pete1029
» RE: the sexual double Standard Posted by: Survivor77
» Sleaze pretty much covers it Posted by: countingdaisies

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Yessir, if there's one thing you can count on . . .
[Report this comment]
Posted by: Walks-in-Storms on May 30, 2008 7:42 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Yessir, if there's one thing you can count on from feminism, it's gravitas. The other day, I again asked a supermarket checkout clerk if he'd ever sold a tabloid newspaper or celibrity-worship magazine to a man. No, he said, never. How long had he been a checkout clerk? Seven years. In years past, the clerks (in various places nationally) had six, twelve, and eleven years in the job. Not one had ever sold a tabloid newspaper or "who's sleeping with whom in Hollywood" magazine. Yessir, if you want serious discussion of serious matters, go to feminism.

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» That's 'cuz.... Posted by: morticia

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really?
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Posted by: mnlefty on May 30, 2008 7:52 AM   
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I can't remember the last time I heard someone called a slut. If someone said it to me today, I would probably just laugh. There are certainly feminist issues of great importance. This is not one of them. I am trying to think of what I would do but I honestly can't picture the situation. I wouldn't say it's a term of endearment, but more along the lines of "OMG, I can't believe I slept with Bob last night." "Girl, you slut!" Actually it's only my gay male friends I could picture saying this. I know a lot of horny guys, but I have never heard them call a woman a slut. Most guys today are happy that women have sex, because that means they get to have sex too!

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» RE: really? Posted by: marilee
» RE: really? Posted by: jackyD

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Hillary
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Posted by: mnlefty on May 30, 2008 7:56 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I would love to vote for a woman.
I think she's about as progressive as Joe Lieberman.
She voted for the war.

Hillary's not a feminist. She's an opportunist. Gimme a real woman candidate... how about Barbara Boxer?

Just because Hillary calls herself a Democrat doesn't make her one.

But I don't think anyone's calling her a slut either :)

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You Missed the ACTUAL double standard
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Posted by: fiddler83 on May 30, 2008 7:59 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
While I will never deny that Slut is a highly pejorative for women who sleep around and that there is no stronly pejorative term for men who sleep around, the author (as well as the many on this board) missed the actual comparison for men, which is applied to men who don't date around: Loser.

If a woman is choosey about her partners or fairly chaste nobody takes issue with this. If a man cannot get a girlfriend or has only a limited number of sexual partners he is often seen as a loser. Women will often reject his sexuality completely (seeing him only as a friend or worse a creep that shouldn't even be talked to). Men and other boys will make fun of him for not being able to sleep around or for not being able to get a girlfriend.

This is a reality that most women will never deal with. If you're a a man and it's percieved that you don't live up to the playboy/stud lifestyle because you can't then it's assumed you're a loser whom women should reject. Nobody ever assumes there's something wrong with a girl who DOESN'T sleep around. But they do assume that with men.

So that's the actual comparison that should be made.

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» RE: You Missed the ACTUAL double standard Posted by: DonnaSchlesinger

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A different sexual double standard
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Posted by: fanny666 on May 30, 2008 8:50 AM   
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In a time of financial upheaval....
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Posted by: walterik on May 30, 2008 8:50 AM   
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While thousands are losing their homes, many more lose their jobs, More people are on food stamps - it is unbelievable that there are people who are concerned about such nonsense.
W.

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» RE: In a time of financial upheaval.... Posted by: Love Me, I'm a Liberal
» RE: In a time of financial upheaval.... Posted by: countingdaisies

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you have posted a damn lie.
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Posted by: beatenboy on May 30, 2008 8:52 AM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Response here:

http://reddit.com/info/6lebv/comments/c046hzd

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Here's reality:
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Posted by: Q30 on May 30, 2008 9:07 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Women get pregnant, men don't.

Hey, maybe that's where the taunt "slut" comes from? Because, since one can forget to use birth control, maybe it's not in a woman's best interest to sleep with 10 men per week?

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» RE: Here's reality: Posted by: Dboy

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Man Slut
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Posted by: Ruie on May 30, 2008 9:09 AM   
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I agree with this, but my high school age bother showed me at lease one of your facts is wrong. Try googling 'man slut' http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=man+slut .

But, still, there this truth to the double stranded.

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» "Man slut" doesn't count. . . Posted by: redceres
» RE: Man Slut Posted by: Vik

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A Loser Speaks
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Posted by: QQOblivion on May 30, 2008 9:26 AM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I am a man.
My EX-friend, also a man, used to sleep around quite regularly with women, some of them married. He was married at the time too (to a beautiful woman, by the way). Well, I for one didn't think he was cool or a stud. As a matter of fact, his ... uh... excursions... led me to find sex in general to be a disgusting human activity, to be something that I have wanted to stay away from in fear that I would be even a little like my ex-friend.
So, now I am a loser. Good. Fine with me.

But as for calling women sluts, I do agree that in general there is a double standard. (I also wondered why the "purity balls" were set up to protect GIRLS' virginity, and not the boys'.)
Our society has viewed women as property of men. That is why rape has been illegal all these years, even in less enlightened times, I guess. (Although, husbands raping their wives was considered just fine until relatively recently.) If some man rapes a woman, he has harmed some man's property or future property. So, I believe, rape was considered a crime of property, not a crime against a person's body and well-being. It's a shame that rape couldn't have been illegal the whole time for WOMEN'S benefit. But that is how society works, sadly.

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» You are no loser, QQ Posted by: Cathyblj

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It's no double standard
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Posted by: xenocyd on May 30, 2008 9:29 AM   
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It's a gender standard. Women call women sluts because girls are usually raised to be prudes, in a strange way. Men call men studs because boys are raised in a more relaxed way so they develop more natural attitudes toward sexuality.

Gender standards are not double standards, but I'm not saying they're fair. This is just another result of sexual repression.

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The idea of "slut" goes to the heart of our screwed-up morality
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Posted by: Kym525 on May 30, 2008 9:37 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Firstly, let me state for the record that when engaged in consensual love-play between ADULTS, the term "slut" can be a turn-on, a part of role-play and because of its forbidden quality, like aural sex.

Having said that, slut is problemmatic because it goes to the heart of our puritanical society's messed-up views of women and men. Women are supposed to be "good" and men are not. Virginity is highly valued in women, even here and experience is highly valued in men. We laugh and make jokes about male virgins or think there's something "wrong" about them. Even in the romance novel genre, there's debate about whether a male virgin character is "realistic" or desired. We as a society tend to nod and nudge each other when we hear about men who've had lots of partners. Calling a man a "playboy" or a "player" carries no stigma whatsoever. Gene Simmons of KISS talks about having slept with 4800 women and no one bats an eyelash because it's rock n' roll, and by extension, it's men. Change Gene to "Jeannie" and have her slept with 4800 men and watch the fur fly.

Of course women use the word slut against each other--it's cultural conditioning at its worst. The "slut" rightly or wrongly is the woman who refuses to play by these nonsensical rules created as a means of sexual control of women's bodies and for some women, that's something they cannot be seen to condone because then ALL women will be viewed under the same lens.

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» You're kidding, right? Posted by: MartianBachelor

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You've all missed the actual reason
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Posted by: snedunuri on May 30, 2008 9:52 AM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The reason is simple, and I can't believe that every poster so far has missed it. For a man to get sex takes courage, skill, and practise - starting from when a guy first approaches a woman and gets "shot down", to getting a date, to making a move, to closing the deal. For a woman to get sex, its pretty much a matter of slapping on some makeup, going down to the nearest bar, and eventually saying yes. Notice I didn't say "sex with someone specific" but "sex". Partly because they can get it pretty much anytime they want, women devalue just plain sex - it often has to be sex with someone specific. But if you want to compare like with like, there's no denying its easier for women. Hence a woman that doesn't show any power of discrimination is looked down upon by other women.

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» Actually, I DO Posted by: Kym525
» I'll bite Posted by: improperly_sedated
» RE: Actually, I DO Posted by: snedunuri

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Libertine: A Neutral Word For Both Genders
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Posted by: Libertine on May 30, 2008 10:46 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I am one of those males with a lot of sex partners the author speaks of. The author is essentially right to say that my female partners are judged much more harshly than I am, though men like me don't go entirely without being judged negatively either.

Men like me are commonly viewed as being "afraid of commitment", "emotionally unavailable", "immature", "jerks", "assholes", "sexist", "misogynist", and so on. Need I elaborate further? I could, because I've heard it all.

But this wouldn't be any more true for me than it would be for a woman who similarly prefers variety and novelty in her sex life.

Nor do I apply a different standard to women who prefer casual sex than I do to myself, as that would be highly hypocritical to say the least. Indeed, where would I be at if all women were strictly monogamous, one-man women? Instead, when I find a woman who is like me, I feel as if I've found a kindred spirit.

And I'm not particularly fond of the words used to describe the actively non-monogamous male than women are thrilled by the word "slut". This is mainly because such words connote a rather mindless, thoughtless approach to sex, rather than the deliberately promiscuous-by-philosophy approach that I have taken.

Rather, I've adopted a term hundreds of years old to self-define my sexual inclinations: libertine. This has the benefit of being a value-neutral term equally applicable to both men and women.

I never refer to a woman as a "slut", nor would I care to be described as a "player". I refer to all people who prefer a variety of casual sex partners as libertines instead.

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Double Standard-But Improving
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Posted by: dbatterman on May 30, 2008 11:34 AM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Personally I see that while this double-standard does still exist and probably will never go away, I think women have mounted a good effort at resisting it, and developing their own terms to counteract it, i.e. man-whore, trash dick, etc..
While this kind of dichotomy cannot be fully erased from people's mindsets, the efforts of women to reclaim their sexual terms and freedom is the most important step to removing stigma and old attitudes.

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Double Standard
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Posted by: Badger1492 on May 30, 2008 11:48 AM   
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There's a double standard? Who knew?

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goatroper
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Posted by: genemason@verizon.net on May 30, 2008 11:53 AM   
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Your article is just delightful. I have to go back and see about getting the book. Thanks for sheer sexual clarity.

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Men and women are not equals and shouldn't be
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Posted by: nfamous on May 30, 2008 11:56 AM   
Current rating: 2    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I believe in equal rights for women but I do not believe in feminism any longer. They are not the same thing. Feminism wants to blame everything bad that ever happens to women on men. It wants to emasculate women and turn them into women while women get to behave like men. Most women hate feminism because it forces them to be something they don't want to be: a career woman and a single mom.

There are some women that are comfortable with women's liberation and everything that came with it but mostly because it's all they know. I see women everyday at work pulling out their hair and gnashing their teeth just to get through the day when they would rather be home with their families or pursuing some other personal interest of theirs.

This is all about control by the elite. They want men and women to fight over things like this because it destabilizes marriage and family life in general. When that happens we become easy prey for their psychological manipulation via consumerism, media control and other forms of mass psychosis.

Women should first of all take time to figure out what they really want instead of letting the media define them. Why are so many girls idolizing Paris, Britney and Lindsay? Because they are all over the tv and those girls don't see positive role models to emulate. Once they grow up they will become the same bitter, angry, frustrated and dissatisfied women that populate America now because they are rejecting nature itself. We are humans. Women have a role and men have a role. Technology doesn't change what we are.

As far as slut, who cares. Men have been called wimps, punks, faggots, sissies and the like for decades. Women call us dogs, pigs, gigolos, players and the like when we sleep around. I agree there is more of a stigma to slut but that's only because there are a lot of sluts out there. Who else are the players, gigolos, pimps, dogs and pigs going to sleep with? Get over it. It's just a word. As long as men are physically stronger than women there will be words like slut, cunt, skank, bitch, chickenhead, hoe and you name it. If you aren't one then don't worry about it.

Slut only means that you are sleeping with multiple partners because one doesn't satisfy you for whatever reason. Men have always slept around but it's a fairly recent thing for women. Women are not happy when they sleep around because most tie love and sex together. Men don't. We can love a woman and still have sex with a different one. Women keep trying to tell themselves that they can do what men do but they cannot because it's not up to them. It's in your DNA and your endocrine system and your reproductive system.

What is driving women to want to be men? Be women!!! Men love women, not women that want to be men. To say that slut is a double standard is to say that men and women are exactly alike. That's just not true. As long as we keep denying our the nature of our differences, we are going to keep seeing the demise of marriage/family, increasing social instability, more people in jail, more people taking antidepressants, more one night stands, more Paris look-a-likes, more people disinterested in politics. We are all walking baggage these days because when women are not happy men cannot be happy either.

What women fear is that not being a corporate woman translates to being barefoot and pregnant. Those two are not mutually exclusive. I for one hate barefoot and pregnant women but some women want to do that. That is for them. Feminism tries to tell ALL women to do the same thing and that is wrong. Women are individuals and can do whatever they want. They should just determine what they really want instead of listening to people with ulterior motives tell them what to do. Maybe I should write a book.

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» A great big swamp of wrongness Posted by: improperly_sedated
» Sounds Like Sour Grapes Posted by: Libertine
» You hit the nail on the head! Posted by: countingdaisies

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Are we perpetuating this in our home?
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Posted by: shirl_inla on May 30, 2008 12:30 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
So, I agree as a young girl I often struggled with bashing other girls...it was a doggy eat doggy world.

As a mother of two daughters and a son, I struggled with my exhusband allowing the double standard in our family- girls do inside work - boys do outside work...no curfew for our son...the girls weren't allowed to go out! okay for my son to get phone calls from girlfriends...the girls couldn't talk on the phone with boys.

As an adult woman, mother, wife, I realized the hypocrisy and have tried my best to not perpetuate that sort of thinking in my home, in my life, in my relationships. It is a hard cycle to break but it is possible. We must realize that as women we were expected to side with our "men," we have rejected female comradely even within our cultures never mind reaching out beyond our comfort zones of class and/or ethnicity. When I realized that -- One woman's struggle is every woman's struggle -- I could not longer not call myself a feminist. I no longer felt the need to compete with my sisters but seek them and embrace them.

I am now married to a man who accepts and loves me for the woman I am -- strong and independent, formidable and smart and feminine...and sexual! ooohhh...I sound like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda from Sex in the City!!! all combined :) (I wish)

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The Scene
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Posted by: logic11 on May 30, 2008 12:39 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I guess it's because I used to part of the punk scene (at least peripherally) but I know several women who refer to themselves as sluts with pride. These are not weak women who do what men tell them, rather these are women who are taking possession of the word and redefining it to be closer to stud (at least for their sub culture).

As for me, I spent my childhood being called a freak, a weirdo, a nerd, a geek, etc. I have taken all of these terms on with pride... They can't hurt me anymore because I decided they meant something else. If we, as a society, decide that slut is a positive term, then it is. If we decide to clamp down on its use, then the people who are using for control purposes will continue to do so and they will win.

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» More on the above. Posted by: logic11

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Deja Vu
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Posted by: westomoon on May 30, 2008 12:43 PM   
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Wow, the comment that this is a flashback to the fifties and sixties was quite accurate. This term, and the shunning/vulnerability that goes with it, were very big in those days. Doesn't take much analysis to understand that they are a power tool.

I guess we can thank the mainstreaming of fundamentalism and the weird Leave-It-To-Beaver nostalgia of the neocons for the resurgence of the term. It's these self-styled Christians who suddenly made it normal to discuss (and worship) virginity publicly again, and brought back all the weirdness that goes with that.

Well, the last time this term was being used this way, we denatured it by co-opting it. I was surprised to hear that "slut" as a term for a male has fallen out of use -- start using it, even if it's just girl-to-girl. It works just fine. Tshirts and jewelry that proudly proclaim "slut" -- or "bitch" or "witch" or any of the other keep-em-down words -- worked last time. The suggestion above of calmly asking for an explanation also works well, when you're given the space for it.

Sure, these are all frightening to do when you first start -- but there's no other way to undo the power of these words than to take them over. And, of course, the essential first step is to stop internalizing the power of the word, and recognize it as what it is -- just a power play, and nothing to do with one's own worth. Also, making "slut" a unisex term neutralizes it -- if a young woman gets used to recognizing a male slut when she sees one, she can tell when the word doesn't fit her.

That said, I was a little dubious about the assertion that the "slut" concept again has power in rape trials. I thought rape law had been reformed in the 80's, and victims were no longer tried on the basis of their sex lives. This author seems to have internalized the power of the S word in a really major way -- she seems to be personally afraid of it. Can somebody tell me, is it mostly her fear speaking, or have we regressed legally to the point where somebody labeled a slut can't be raped?

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» RE: Deja Vu Posted by: logic11

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The Point
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Posted by: WyrdSister on May 30, 2008 12:44 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I think, is that it is the year 2008 and such derogatory terms for women are still commonly spoken with little to no opposition. I work at an alternative high school, so personally, I call people on their speech all the time.

But, I think on the whole, women have been hearing these terms for so long, as long as patriarchy has had its strong-hold, that we just no longer pay it much mind. We do not hold any respect for people who use such speech and dont hold them to a higher standard, frankly, because they are not worth the time or energy.

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» RE: The Point Posted by: logic11

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weenie
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Posted by: weenie on May 30, 2008 12:50 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Have you heard the latest slam from the catholic priest in Chicago? This was during a church service. Anyone who can stand up under the bashing she has taken has my vote. Granted, she was not perfect but her errors we not as bad as Obama's. I think we lived pretty well when Bill Clinton was president. What is the democratic congress doing for the country?

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Creeeepy..
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Posted by: radiomorning on May 30, 2008 1:24 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Those Purity Balls sound frightening. Saving you virginity for your Daddy? Gross!

If I was a little girl and my Dad asked me to go to one of these things, I'd kick him in the purity balls and run to social services!

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Just a thought
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Posted by: taxidriver on May 30, 2008 1:32 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
My wife once joked to me, "All men are easy." Perhaps that means all men are sluts? And if (most) all of us are, the term "slut" has no impact, at least for men.

As one other commenter noted, the term "loser" makes most men wince, and is often associated with a lack of sexual activity.

And so it goes ...

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I Agree, But
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Posted by: dumdumboy on May 30, 2008 2:26 PM   
Current rating: Not yet rated    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
...I had a (male) friend who once bragged that he'd told another (male) friend that he was a slut. They had been having an affair, and the one who made the accusation was peeved that the other was always seeking sex on the phone. (Back in the 70s, people would utilize "dead lines," which were something like three digits, in order to contact other people for sex. The phone company tried jamming the lines. Now they charge for it.) Well, not only seeking sex, but succeeding several times each and every day!

I agree with the author that the term "slut" is widely used against women only. But there have been instances where men have used it against one another. I believe that sex columnist Dan Savage has used it in regard to men as well, although I could be wrong.

Mebbe the author could come up with some derogatory term to be used in place of "stud." A "Cheney," perhaps?

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Isn't it a matter of finding the norm?
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Posted by: Erik1968 on May 30, 2008 2:33 PM   
Current rating: 4    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
This article reminded me of Paul Feig's quote that the only time teenage boys aren't being called a fag is when they're calling someone else a fag. Aren't words like "slut" and "fag" used by adolescents who are groping their way toward adulthood to normalize behavior? As much as I prefer an open mind, I don't know if there's an outside to normalization, especially for teenagers.

In other words, "slut" is almost never about actuaal sluttiness, and "fag" is almost never about actual gayness. Both are used to taunt teens who refuse to conform to gender roles.

Not that I think it makes it right per se, but I wonder if these words aren't sort of necessary. I'm 40, and at first I wondered if this article was lifted from my high school newspaper circa 1984 (we called it "Newspeak." Isn't that clever?).

Boys and girls who get called fag and slut grow up and move away and are really happy, to paraphrase Matt Stone in Bowling for Columbine. It's just a matter of getting through it without killing yourself or anyone else.

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Okay- Giving an Honest Example of my Behavior
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Posted by: sinawae on May 30, 2008 2:37 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Okay, so somebody staighten me out/gimme the low-down.
So I am a sexually active, young woman- I've been through many relationships and have also been raped, so I deffinitely have an idea of sex in all it's wonderful/terrible ways. I am a t-shirt and sneakers sort of girl, and I don't wear make-up. When I see a woman who is really 'sexy', who shows a lot of skin etc. and is OPEN about sex, I think cool- you look great too! But when I see women who are sort of 'status quo' sexy; as if trying to maintain a demure attitude, but go traipsing about like strumpets and think that they are NOT slutty because they 'keep it in bounds' and are NOT having sex makes me mad. I call them sluts all the time. So (using a different example here) somebody who is a whore (a literal whore) is not slutty to me- but the virgin woman who dresses like a friggin tramp pisses me off. Where am I getting that? Why am I mad at those women?? I know I'm not alone here because I have male and female friends who have mentioned the same attitude.

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idk, but i have heard men called sluts, and i enjoyed it
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Posted by: 50566 on May 30, 2008 4:31 PM   
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i have heard men being called "sluts", so i guess that means i musta been ina rarified environment of evolved pp. So "men are NEVER called sluts" is not true in my reality experience.

Call a man a slut today, and it won't be true in yours either! Maybe then it will all turn out to be ok. +)

but yes, other than that, what she says is generally what I have noticed, experienced also. that's why when i heard a man called "slut" i have never forgotten how happy i felt! =) cuz it was def true! he WAS a slut, for sure! lol

dont worry, be happy
create your own reality

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And so, now edified. . .
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Posted by: Prairie Waif on May 30, 2008 7:51 PM   
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I go to rearrange the furniture for my summer of flings.

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» Oooooh!!Oooooooh!! Posted by: improperly_sedated

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Slut Versus Pussy Whipped
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Posted by: PaulK on May 30, 2008 9:04 PM   
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If you keep letting your violent and alcoholic husband into you, even after the first four pregnancies, you're in love. Love is one of the two most powerful emotional forces in your life. Women can be utter fools about it, and that's the way it goes. The difference is not the lack of sexual self-control, but the ring on the finger.

Our society is driving our young men away from marriage in batallions. This often leaves young women extremely comfortable with having sex but with no man good enough (rich enough to provide a home for the babies). Try sex for quite a while, take away that number one man, and you then become a regular at the meat markets, looking for anyone decent and getting liquored just in case. Sorry, but masturbation just doesn't do the trick.

The young men score, then run away because they're poor and they learn that many women actually want a long term relationship with babies. Rarely, an aggressively forward woman hits the jackpot in a bar, maybe a drunken, lonely, caring doctor with an amazing pretax income.

Men with steady girlfriends / fiancees / wives are called pussy whipped, being controlled by domineering women. It's considered only a minor mark against them. Yes, men are the same utter fools in love that women are.

Most women (and most animal species) can't control their addiction to sex. They're in love, they're out-of-control drunken sluts, whatever. Oh, and human shame is intimately tied up in homo sapien's inability to stop completing the sex act.

A woman calling some other woman a slut, tapping into her self-shame about her willingness to take sexual risks and lack of self-control, is cruel. Calling some woman a bitch, in the sense that many women have rage about their weak positions in life and they don't handle their feelings inside very well, especially before menstruation, is cruel. We're pretty much the same out of control animals whether we're sluts, lucky stiffs who marry well, or guys who don't have to ever wear any scarlet letters.

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» RE: Posted by: WyrdSister

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Glad to see this issue being brought out into the open..
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Posted by: NDK on May 31, 2008 2:25 AM   
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...it's about time this particular inequality was addressed. I for one want women to be equals, have always thought they were my equal in status and right. Was a shock to discover that they are not in fact treated with equity.

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This comment has been removed from the site due to non-compliance with AlterNet's community policies.

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No no no
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Posted by: Dboy on May 31, 2008 9:02 AM   
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A slut is a girl who will apparently have sex with anyone except YOU! Geez I thought we all learned this in high school.

dboy

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» RE: No no no Posted by: Landbaron
» RE: No no no Posted by: Scientz

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nothing new
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Posted by: bluebirdella on May 31, 2008 2:23 PM   
Current rating: 3    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The double standard is hardly a revelation - which makes the author seem very young. Women have always been viewed primarily as breeding stock and sexual playthings. Heterosexual men are lauded for promiscuity as long as they do it for self-gratification and status. This dehumanizes everyone. Women aren't supposed to enjoy sex or have the freedom to choose our sexual partners. Bitch, whore, slut, cunt, dyke, ball buster - these are all terms used to control female behavior. Society still tells you that you are nothing without a man. Women remain second-class citizens, less "real" than men, less relevant, less important. The only way to change that is to be better at everything, know more, keep your own bank account, be financially independent, never let someone else support you, avoid marriage, keep your own place to live, learn self-defense, change your own oil, and be very careful about whom you allow into your life. Never let anyone tell you that you need a man to be deemed worthy. Learn to recognize abusers and reject men who demean you. Reject men who are sexually selfish, bullying, or manipulative. Reject labels and lies. Raise strong, capable daughters and let your sons be who they are. Put your own well-being first.

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um...nope
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Posted by: bluebirdella on May 31, 2008 2:40 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
While many women haven't outgrown a victim's mentality, just as many men haven't outgrown a gross sense of male entitlement. Everyone needs to become more responsible on the road to equality. Only in recent history have women had meaningful life choices. There are still plenty of people out there who would prefer to limit them. A strong woman who knows who she is will always prefer a relationship based on mtutual admiration and respect. Abusers aren't strong or more masculine - they are abusers. Kind men aren't weak, but kind.

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» RE: um...nope Posted by: fanny666
» well, dude Posted by: bluebirdella

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The problem with equality...
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Posted by: YogiBear on May 31, 2008 3:07 PM   
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...is that the way we envision it is to bring the treatment of women up to the level where men are. But that's not how it works. We'll only be truly equal when the treatment of men is brought down to the level women are treated. Once we're all treated sh*tty, then we'll be equals.

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I often hear men called sluts . . .
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Posted by: Scientz on May 31, 2008 4:49 PM   
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. . . but usually in jest, not as a judgment.

Women (perhaps, more appropriately, girls) use the word as an in-group, out-group thing. As a way of casting someone (usually out of jealousy) from their social group.

I honestly don't see this as a serious facet of the gender wars.

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sexual divide
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Posted by: luzmejor on May 31, 2008 9:50 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
Using pejorative terms to slander women is a male trick. There's a TV clip of a well-known Fox host named O'Reilly cozying up to someone off camera. The viewer can see by his unctuous look that the person he is addressing is female and probably younger than he is.

If you make eye contact or pay any attention to many men, they will treat you like a vamp and they think they are being nice to you.

If you don't seem appropriately flattered by their attention, that's when the slurs start in earnest. Men like these have very fragile egos that constantly need feeding.

Just bear in mind that is NOT your job!

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A solution to the "slut" problem
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Posted by: stina723 on Jun 1, 2008 12:13 PM   
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all women should stop engaging in any type of sexual activity and take up knitting and praying. And also start dressing like the FDLS cult. Then there's no way that anyone could call any woman a slut.

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GOD GAVE US ALL 'A PLACE?'
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Posted by: Malcus Garvey on Jun 1, 2008 1:59 PM   
Current rating: 1    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
The reason that this kind of sexual double-standard benefits society is, the children suffer when women try to live like men. The Mother's son sees her as a whore, while the daughter picks-up her promiscuous habits. Consequently, the whole neighborhood, society and civilization dwindles into paganism. When women want to be right where men are at--Creation wise--it disturbs the whole fabric of Holyism. Wanting otherwise, is questioning Thee Almighty. That's what got Eve and all women in their cycle and birthing pains, now?

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» RE: God? Posted by: WyrdSister
» RE: God? Posted by: davmills
» RE: God? Posted by: WyrdSister

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Appellations for the Feminine of the Crowd
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Posted by: cokids on Jun 2, 2008 6:44 AM   
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Someone said, "so the only real reason that men are not sluts is that men can not use sex to get what they want for the most part, men don't really have that option, men CAN'T be sluts, if they could be they would be..but for sure in the gay community there most definitely are male sluts!"

I have read that women give sex to get affection and men give affection to get sex. (Obviously a gross generalization, but even gross generalizations have some truth to them? I realize that this aphorism implies that women don't genuinely enjoy sex.) But, when a man uses affection to get sex in a promiscuous way, is HE being a 'slut?' Or, CAN males be sluts in this way?

I have noted that not only do we have negative words for women that we don't have for men, but we have positive ones for males that we don't have female equivalents for. First of all, does the word 'male' carry positive or negative connotations? And how about 'female?' And then there's the affectionate appellation that many men use for their male offspring: 'Son.' Do they talk to their daughters with similar affectionate and proud appellations, "Daughter?" I don't know of any!! Do you?

There's a lot more to all of this than many of us have even thought of! I'm sure I've said some pretty insensitive things and you'll point them out! We ALL are sexist and racist whether we want to be or not!

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Slut by Definition
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Posted by: Shardog on Jun 2, 2008 1:20 PM   
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By definition... men can not be called sluts.
it is defined as
NOUN:

1.
1. A woman considered sexually promiscuous.
2. A woman prostitute.
2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.
(slattern means a dirty untidy woman)

I actually wrote to Websters Dictionary about changing the definition of the word to include males. The response was... the word needs to be used in describing men more frequently...so much so that it makes a mark..how to do that? when it starts getting used enough in movies and tv shows, mainstream... the definition can then be put up for a change.

This of course doesn't go into whether or not it even should be used at all. Just thought i'd throw that out there...if you want to make it a level playing field when it comes to this word...start spreading the word. I guess.

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From my days of being a single man
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Posted by: daenku32 on Jun 2, 2008 4:38 PM   
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I can tell that it would have been much easier for me to get laid had I been a woman.

Being a man, getting some action is a real challenge. Especially if you are looking to having sex with every woman in your apartment building.

For a woman, not so much. Just tell a man that you want sex and they will follow you wherever you go (not counting gay or asexual men, of course).

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» Women are the gatekeepers Posted by: theguyintheback

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Guys can be sluts! And whores, too!
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Posted by: ihop on Jun 3, 2008 2:16 PM   
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And the appropriate terms are "boyslut" and "manwhore". I know a several guys, including some friends, who have been tarred with this designation. Usually because they will try to hook up with every single female within a group of friends, which is pretty gnarly.

Start using the correct terms. A guy who will bone anything that moves is not a stud, he is a manwhore, and should be derided as such.

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frog
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Posted by: frog111 on Jun 4, 2008 8:03 PM   
Current rating: 5    [1 = poor; 5 = excellent]
I certainly agree with that the double standard is alive and well, but I wanted to address the author's comment that it is not logical. In fact, it is logical - let me explain. First, several comments argued that the double standard is embedded in our Christian heritage. While this is true, the double standard far predates Christianity. Similarly, several posts refer to the standard explanation involving the control of women by men in an (ancestral) patriarchal past. This is also true (if you don't believe this is an accurate characterization of human history, see Laura Betzig's excellent book "Despotism and Differential Reproduction", which is currently the definitive work on the matter, in my opinion). But all this begs the question of why the double standard has been (and remains) such a prevalent part of our history. The answer has to do with patterns of parental investment in our (and indeed in many) species. During most of our history, the act of copulation typically committed a woman to nine months of pregnancy and twenty years of parental investment in a child. One could argue that the woman could abandon the child once it was born, but this was (and remains) a relatively rare event. In contrast, male desertion has been (and remains) common throughout our history. So the relative commitment to parental investment implied in the act of copulation is much greater for women, and the risk of desertion by men is higher. Now consider that biparental care provides a huge advantage to human children (I will be happy to provide numerous references for this claim on request). If a woman is promiscuous, then any particular partner will lack "confidence of paternity" (i.e. none of her partners will know whether or not they are the father). They will then be unlikely to be willing to commit to a long period of parental investment (i.e. they will be likely to desert). But if they do invest in the offspring of a female who has been promiscuous, there is a distinct possibility that they will have been cuckolded - i.e., that they will be investing in offspring that are not their own (the term cuckold, by the way, is a mortal insult to men in many cultures). Hence, males will view promiscuity on the part of their partners with extreme disapproval, as it exposes them to the risk of cuckoldry and the derogatory term slut is one manifestation of that reaction (there are many others). In contrast, the actual act of copulation on the part of men does not carry the same risk of misguided investment for women as it does for men (women are virtually always certain of maternity). This asymmetry in patterns of investment and risk of cuckoldry explains (at least in part) the difference in the attitude toward promiscuity of ones partner (or potential partners) held by men compared to women. This is not to say that women do not compete for male investment, or get jealous when their partner invests in other women - indeed they do - it is simply that this competition and jealousy do not focus on the act of copulation (for the reasons just stated), but rather focus on other measures of tendency to invest, such as emotional attachment and commitment. The fact that this is part of our history in no way implies that it cannot be changed. In fact, being aware of the logical explanation for the double standard can make change more feasible. But that is another post altogether.

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» Excellent explanation Posted by: marginal_x
» I second that, very good! Posted by: Landbaron
» But there's more to it than just that Posted by: MartianBachelor

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Conclusion..
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Posted by: Landbaron on Jun 11, 2008 8:25 PM   
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Men are stupid and women are evil.

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It is a state of mind
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Posted by: Xadiz on Jun 13, 2008 7:27 PM   
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'Outside of the feminist implications of the sexual double standard'

They have a single standard?

I don't think so. Half of feminism be it ersatz or be it celebrity-feminism is up for slutdom,

and if published womanhood is endorsing it, they won't be pblished if they're supporters of Dworkin or Donna Hughes, then what's on TV?

There is money and acceptance in endorsing reckless whoredom. Is there a nice side to the word, well it is like the 'N' thing, the nice side is Jay-Z and out of his 99 probs, a slut ain't one of them

So vote for Harvey, Illinois, just don't get out of car, and if you hear gun shots it might just be the Harvey PD shooting at the FBI.

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