Sexual Adventures in a Pro-Abstinence Era

By Lara Riscol, RH Reality Check. Posted March 3, 2008.

"... I wouldn't mind having a conversation that does not include the words dildo, fisting, squirting, orgasm, vibrator, latex, fucking, shibari, or three-way," writes Brian Alexander at the end of his latest book, America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction. From the aspiring "next teen anal queen" to the mewling man gone fetal on a domme's lap, a cast of colorful characters, conflicts and contradictions are revealed in the award-winning journalist's hilariously randy romp through mainstream America -- a journey that seriously questions our grasp on what is deviant versus what is normal.

A former altar boy from Ohio, the admittedly "vanilla" Alexander writes with self-deprecating wit and a willingness to engage in America's sometimes uncomfortable sexual conversation. His earnest questions, both personal and cultural, are what make his gonzo travelogue both so entertaining and so essential to current debates surrounding sexual health services, education and civil rights.

Originally a popular six-part online series of the same name, America Unzipped refers to the millions of average Americans unzipping themselves from religious, societal and familial restraints by carving out formerly forbidden sexual paths. Recruited a few years ago as MSNBC's Sexploration columnist despite no formal expertise, Alexander was caught off guard by kinky questions from otherwise "normal" readers (such as, "I hear Paris Hilton is into fisting, how do you do it?"). Sensing a "mainstreaming of perversion," Alexander set off on a quest to answer the burning question: "Who are these people?" What are they seeking and why? Are they happy? And regarding today's enflamed culture war rhetoric: are they really such a threat?

The author's traverse across America's sexual landscape also meant to make sense of the public dissonance in our nation's cohabitating hypersexual culture and moral crusade: "the way we seem ever more lusty even while we are supposed to be ever more puritanical." You know, how Jenna Jameson and Pat Robertson both can be household names while each spawning humongous moneymaking industries.

The meat of his book, however, centers on the private dissonance of the folks he meets while immersed as employee or trusted guest in America's various, mostly well-lit nether regions. Catholic, conservative Republican, military, Midwest churchgoer, married with kids, sheriff, school board member, nurse or small town firefighter - the uniting truth of the countless feasting on life's vast and varied sexual menu is that public perception and private reality rarely meet.

I totally got off on Alexander's first five pit stops, which include touring a sex retailer empire founded by an Ivy Leaguer who talks about love, intimacy and permission-giving and funds global family planning charities; participating in a marriage seminar by a once-fallen preacher named Joe Beam on hot Christian sex; working as a "romance consultant" turned "lubrication specialist" at an adult supercenter (his first sale was a Clone-a-Willy kit), and then as the only male Passion Party consultant selling sexual aids to raucous women of the Heartland (including daughter, mom and grandma); and exploring the no-holds-barred virtual world of reality porn, online sex chats and cams, and off-ramp hookups to make your fantasies real. Fantasy - escaping into the sexual realm apart from daily drudgery - is apparently serious business.

The question of taboo drives Alexander's final three sex tours, in which the author gets up close at a BDSM porn site with the Antioch-educated feminist queer performance artist who likes ropes and electro torture and hangs with sexuality hipsters eager to shock. He attends a fetish convention where he meets a divorced female Southern Baptist spankee who believes in the biblical order of man as head of the household, and later at a bondage seminar meets Sir Arthur, a huge Bill O'Reilly fan, who really hates it "when all the gays are out marching." Finally the author tugs on black PVC pants to attend a sex club party at the Wet Spot, sees a university dean of libraries named Paradox light naked women on fire, and fights his urge to free a naked sub looking up at him from her cage "like a puppy in the pound."

See more stories tagged with: abstinence, sexual education, america unzipped

Lara Riscol is a freelance writer who explores societal conflicts and controversies surrounding sexuality. She has been published in The Nation, Salon, AlterNet and other media outlets worldwide, and is working on a book called, Ten Sex Myths That Screw America.

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