The Sexual Self-Interest of the Cuckolded Wife

By Susie Bright, SusieBright.com. Posted September 5, 2007.

How does Suzanne Craig, wife of the outed Senator, stand next to her disgraced Potty Liar of a husband at a press conference, and not hurl her guts?

She's not the first political wife to put on a show. The spectacle of a prominent woman standing by her man, now revealed to be an adulterer -- and of a bent that she could never satisfy -- is one of bewildering aspects of the recent Prig-Freak scandals.

Some say there's one explanation for the wifely stoicism: "She's protecting her investment."

Certainly, with the money and prestige involved in a  "First Lady"-type of profession, this makes practical sense. Maybe if the reporters called Mrs. Craig after the divorce settlement is signed, and her social future is assured, they'd get an earful that would make their drums bleed.

However, there's a part to the cuckquean's inevitable reaction that is completely denied, because of our cultural inability to imagine a woman's sexual outrage. We don't even commonly use this word for a female cuckold, which is remarkable considering the extent of the experience. It's not just GOP Christian SAHM's who are going through this.

Let us consider the cuckquean's complaint:

She's in shock. She can't believe the guilty plea either, because once she accepts her husband's true behavior,  the "everything-is-a-lie" nausea will overtake her. There'll be months -- or years -- where she  doesn't feel like she can trust her guts, make simple decisions, or keep up with cursory obligations. Getting out of bed and giving a shit will become major struggles.

Did she know all along? Half the women with closeted-gay husbands I've spoken to over the years have confided, that yes, they had a clue. The others say they were blindsided.

In some cases we see married men who openly proposed to their fiancée, "You're my last chance, you've cured me; now that I've found you I'll never stray again." The tender girls believed it. They believed it because of their inadequate sexual education, and  because it was so flattering to feel that special, the romantic ideal. "Sublimate your sexuality to devote yourself to your husband's transformation!" --It never works, and yet it keeps getting takers.

Because significant numbers of women are forgiving of their husband's sexual past, some of them are LESS homophobic than their closeted husbands. They often feel emotional sympathy for the gay common man -- they wish more straight guys would lighten up in the loafers. Even if they don't "get it" yet, these women are attracted to an androgynous sensibility. If they were out of the closet, they would call themselves fag-hags, and look for a wonderful bisexual man to settle down with.

I remember being confronted once, on the Phil Donahue TV program, during his great decline into talk show balderdash, by a "gay conversion couple" from Exodus.

 The "recovered husband" gently held his arm around his very pregnant wife. When I asked her, "Do you find that there's something special about your husband that was hard to find in other guys?" -- she turned bright red. Tears sprung to her eyes, and I was afraid I'd break her water.

"Stop it!" she cried. "He's artistic and sensitive and has feelings; that doesn't mean he's gay!"Her inarticulate anguish spoke louder than her protestations.

Most cuckqueans feel authentic love from their husbands. They aren't just doing his wash and spitting out brats--  they feel adored and confided to, relied upon, and engaged in their marital partnership. Their terrible secret is the silence in the bedroom.

Then it all comes out, thanks to your friendly neighborhood undercover cop. The badge flashes, and your life is over. Everyone knows your husband had 'homosexual relations," and he's still blithering that it was nothing but a "wide stance." The earth splits open between you.

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Susie Bright is an author, editor, and journalist known for her original and pioneering work in sexual politics and erotic expression. She writes about sex and politics every day at her blog.

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