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Ted Stevens Declares Himself Unfit to Stand Trial

Ted Stevens, the senator facing indictments on seven counts of criminal charges, is clearly unfit to stand trial, due to the clinical depression he admits to suffering from. Perhaps Stevens' earliest sign of psychopathology was in 1997 when he diagnosed himself as a mean miserable son of a bitch. Ted's 28 years of tirelessly protecting the American people from the polar bears who hate us for our freedoms, by defending our right to drill in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, has taken a toll on the senator.

Stevens first exhibited signs of post-arctic depression, when the senate voted against his bill to open ANWAR up to more drilling. A candid Stevens said "I'm really depressed. As a matter of fact, I'm seriously -- I'm seriously depressed. Unfortunately, clinically depressed. I've been told that because I've just been at this too long."

A Laughing Liberally Look at Netroots Nation

(Written in satire. A literal translation for the tonally impaired is available upon request.)

This weekend I went to Austin, Texas, to attend the third annual Netroots [Aryan] Nation, the convention formerly known as Yearly Kos and recently called a "Klan gathering" by Bill O'Reilly.

I agree with O'Reilly that "including the Nazis and the Klan... there is not a more hateful group in the country than the Daily Kos People." I too hate this hateful conference, which encourages democracy, open politics, participatory democracy, grass roots organizing and other Nazi-ish thing. But I attend each year, under the guise of a Laughing Liberally comic and Living Liberally leader, in order to counter the lies of the liberal media, who receive their talking points and marching orders directly from Subcomandante Markos [Moulitsas].

I go because somebody needs to document the atrocities that are ignored by the appeasement era press and distorted by the Netroots deniers. I go to show the world the truth. I go to say Never Again.

So, here are some of the things you won't hear from the liberal media about the four-day gathering of over 2,000 progressive bloggers, journalists, politicians and activists.

1. The netroots are so vicious that Obama was forced to flee to the relative safety of Afghanistan.

2. The netroots are reconsidering their position on FISA. Although they were disappointed with Obama's vote and his absence from the conference, they have now realized that thanks to the new FISA law, Obama could hear everything they said.

3. The surprise guest was no surpirse. Everyone knew the surprise guest would be Al Gore. Duh! He is the inventor of the series of tubes known as the internets.

4. Al Gore proved global warming is real, beyond the shadow of a doubt. I'll admit it, I was a skeptic about global warming. But that was before I saw Al Gore speak live. Because what An Inconvenient Truth doesn't capture, is Gore's presence, energy, and sweat. After watching Gore sweat in an air-conditioned convention hall, it is impossible not to believe in global warming.
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