There’s no question that Elissa Alvarez and Jose Caballero made a poor decision. They had sex on a beach in broad daylight. A witness captured a video of their shenanigans and a 3-year-old allegedly witnessed the act. But is it a poor decision worthy of the sex offender registry? Not only do the couple, who were found guilty on Monday, face a maximum of 15 years in prison, but they will be forced to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives.
I’ve watched the past several seasons of the “Bachelor” franchise with friends in San Francisco who have a weekly viewing party. We order Indian food, drink wine and mostly talk over or at the show. We are a bunch deeply dedicated to watching the series in a mocking, ironic way — although the show is increasingly becoming self-aware and doing the mocking for us. We announce ourselves as Team [insert totally generic girl name] or Team [insert a different totally generic girl name], psychoanalyze contestants (a popular idea this season was that Becca was a sociopath) and develop elaborate theories on who will get the final rose.
While reading Slate’s review of Laura Kipnis’ “Men: Notes From an Ongoing Investigation,” I was struck with a pang of self-recognition. Amanda Marcotte wrote that the book, which covers everything from the economy to politics, but largely focuses on sex, has too many “‘chill girl’ moments.” She defines these as points in the book in which Kipnis “props herself up by suggesting she’s unperturbed by the typical things that send hands clutching pearl-ward.”
One thing brought up by this theft of celebrity nudes is the question of why we take naked photos in the first place. I don’t mean that in the victim-blaming sense of “that’s so dumb, why would you ever take a naked photo because obviously everyone will see it.” Although I do think it’s remarkable that naked photo leaks and thefts have seemingly done little to deter this impulse; clearly, taking naked photos is an important part of many people’s sexuality. We’ve taken, and allowed other people to take, naked photos of ourselves since long before the age of the smartphone or the portentous “cloud.” For as long as photography has existed, so too have nude photographs. But why?
As a sex reporter, you begin to notice weird iterations of the same news story. One of those is the scandalized revelation of a porn shoot that happens sneakily or brazenly in a public place, even a historical landmark. Most recently this happened at a Catholic church in Hoersching, Austria. A young woman was arrested for filming at least two naughty videos in the church. As Gawker reported, “A churchgoer who saw the video recognized the interior of the building, then notified a priest, and after a clip was played on local news, a second viewer — apparently a big fan — identified [the actress'] boobs and notified the authorities.” Luckily, the local diocese determined that the church does not need to be reconsecrated. You can’t make this stuff up.
Mischa Badasyan is lonely. The Russian-born performance artist has used gay hookup apps. He’s cruised parks late at night and met guys in clubs. But he’s never had a “love relationship,” as he puts it. So, the Berlin-based 26-year-old is doing what probably no one else in the world would do in such a predicament: He’s committing to dating and sleeping with a new person every day for a year — for art. And a filmmaker will be documenting the whole process.
She looks indistinguishable from a corpse. In the photos, both of her eyes are swollen shut and black-and-blue. A hospital gown falls back revealing a thigh covered in a yellowing bruise. These horrifying shots were posted to Facebook Monday afternoon by 23-year-old Christy Mack, along with a list of injuries so long it demands a block quote:
She wore a loose-fitting white tank top that revealed the sides of her breasts and a pair of fluorescent-pink cut-off shorts. The disc jockey could be heard urging her on as she squatted in front of a man with his flaccid penis in his hand. She bobbed up and down three times before moving onto the next man, and then the next and the next. The blonde 18-year-old repeatedly curled her pointer fingers at the men, as if to say, “Bring it on.” In all, she reportedly serviced 24 men in that crowded nightclub, all in the name of a contest for which she was rewarded with a $4 bottle of Cava.