Even Little Kids Are Protesting Trump: Here's How to Keep Them Safe on the Frontlines
Martha, a Brooklyn mom and activist, wants to take her 16-month-old daughter to the Women’s March on Washington on January 21 , but her husband doesn’t like the idea. “He worries that my daughter could get hurt in some way: tear gas, overcrowding, etc. and that we could never forgive ourselves if something unexpected happened,” she says. “I understand his point, and honestly, it makes me feel like a bad mom for wanting to go.”
It’s true that protests can be unpredictable. Rachel Barr, an early childhood consultant who has planned large demonstrations, says the threats include both police brutality and other protesters. “You might be on the right side, but your fellow marchers might do things that are illegal, or things that you don’t like,” she says, remembering the 2004 RNC protest in New York City that started peacefully, but turned precarious when some protesters started a fire.
At the same time, Martha, who has organized actions protesting the Iraq war and participated in the Black Lives Matter and Occupy movements, believes that children’s presence at a march can be powerful. “It's important that Trump and the media know that it's not just anarchist youth out there in the streets, but actual families. I think it's important that the message is visible,” she says.
It’s also a teaching opportunity for parents and their kids. Sarah DiGregorio, a Brooklyn cookbook author, will be bringing her 2-year-old daughter to the D.C. march. “I want to instill in her the idea that it's important to speak up and organize, that she shouldn't shrink from those things. I know some people feel that protest has no practical outcome, but I feel that there is moral value in simply dissenting in public. In fact, I think we are morally obligated to do so, and I want her to know that.”
For those of us committed to bringing the kids along—I’ll be attending the Women’s March on Washington with my 6-month-old daughter and 3-year-old son—seasoned activists can help us think through which demonstrations to attend and how to prepare. Here’s their advice.
Think about the likely tone of the event and your child’s temperament. I’ve heard complaints that the Women's March on Washington is shaping up to be an overly mild event—which is exactly why it seems like a safe place to bring little kids. My son loves a noisy, crowded party, and with lots of women and children around, that’s what it will feel like to him (although, if he thinks it’s a party, he may demand cupcakes). However, a nighttime event with angry chants might not go over well with a child who is afraid of the dark or sensitive to the energy of the people around him (as most kids are, more than we think).
If the D.C. march seems overwhelming or logistically impossible, go local, as Martha and her husband agreed to do. Simultaneous women’s marches are happening across the country on January 21, including one in New York City that will have a specific safe zone for children, a place for families to retreat to if the crowds become overwhelming or to reunite children and parents who get separated. There might even be changing tables available, pending funding. (The national march says “the decision to bring your children is a personal one” and has not announced such safe zones.) Ask organizers or check online FAQ pages of any demonstrations you’re considering attending to see if there are any special arrangements made for kids.
Prepare children for the sights and sounds. While talking about the reasons for the demonstration to children is important, it is important to prepare kids for the actual sensory experience, especially if they’ve never been to a march or rally. Explain what they will see: crowds, police in riot gear carrying automatic weapons, people carrying signs and chanting, strong emotions on display, counter protesters. “Sometimes protest speeches can be scary when people talk about frightening things that have happened to them,” says Liliana Ibara, a Boston mom and attorney. Ibara’s kids, now ages 7 and 4, have been scared by street theater. The “giant paper mache heads were terrifying,” she says. You can’t totally prepare them for every possibility, but showing them YouTube videos of similar demonstrations—that you’ve watched in advance—might help.
Explain why you’re going in age-appropriate terms. Many parents, like Ibara, emphasized that kids need a simple explanation of why we're marching that is honest, and ideally, focused on the positive. Ibara, who used to do eviction defense for Greater Boston Legal Services, has explained to her children that they were going to demonstrations "to help families have houses to live in."
The Women’s March is a little more complicated, since it’s not about a single issue. Trump’s presidency feels like a generalized threat to many different and overlapping groups of people. DiGregorio says Trump's victory has raised the possibility that her mixed-race daughter's life "will be compromised and difficult in ways that mine has not been." Even if you’re marching to stand up against misogyny, racism and xenophobia, there is still a way to explain it to a toddler. You can say “we’re marching to make sure people are treated fairly” or “we’re telling the president that all children need safe neighborhoods and good schools.” Fairness, even if it’s just about who gets the bigger half of the cookie, is something children understand early. Kids aren’t generally ready for bigger concepts like social justice, racial equality or income inequality until about age 9, says Barr.
Of course, despite your best efforts to explain what and why, kids may melt down anyway. “Worst was my 6-year-old, at a community protest against the eviction of several families, screaming at the top of her lungs ‘Why is it all about them all the time?’ while gesturing at the homeless families there," Ibara said. "I was super embarrassed at the time, but upon reflection realized she was cold and hungry and a little overwhelmed by the crowd.” Which brings us to logistics.
Bring your buddies. The more adults around who are willing to lend a hand by blocking the crush of the crowd or helping you make a quick exit with your kids, the better. Traveling with a group of other parents and kids will make it more fun for your own children and enable you to share resources. (Anyone have a wet wipe?)
Pack light but smart. Pack like you would for travel: a (small) new toy or activity, water, healthy snacks and a few treats or incentives. January in D.C. can be below freezing, so dress everyone in layers and bring thermoses full of hot chocolate to keep the kids happy and warm. For the inevitable bathroom breaks, bring your own toilet paper and—for the recently potty-trained—a travel potty or even the old-school version of a travel potty: a plastic jug with a tight-fitting lid. Make sure your kids are willing and able to use said travel potty or jug before you go, or you may have a pee tantrum on your hands (and clothes).
Plan an exit route. Permitted marches will have a clearly planned route, so take a look at a map before you go and note any subway or metro stations that will allow you to make a speedy exit. “You might have to peel off early if they start to lose it. It can still be really meaningful to them even if you can't participate in the whole event,” says Ibara. It’s also a good idea to stay on the periphery of the crowd.
Stay close, but prepare for a lost kid. This is the time to bust out the baby carriers and umbrella strollers—even for bigger kids, who might get worn out walking for hours. Parents suggest writing your phone number on the kid’s arm with a Sharpie or sticking a note in her pocket with her parents’ names and phone numbers. Dress your kids in bright colors or wear matching hats or T-shirts over your winter gear, field-trip style, so your group is visible.
Get excited about it. Have the kids help to make signs, learn a protest song, or practice a chant. Try to keep it positive. And remind yourself that, despite the logistical hurdles of bringing small children—well, anywhere—and the worry of what might go wrong, you are modeling the values you hope to instill.
To participate in peaceful protest is to be civically engaged, to stand up for your own rights and on behalf of others, to be an active part of your community. You'll find comfort in surrounding yourself with like-minded people as well as demonstrate for your children that your values are shared by thousands of others. These are all things you can show by bringing your children with you to a demonstration while still being a responsible parent looking out for your kids’ safety (frankly, a lot of what we do with our children is much more dangerous than taking them to a protest: driving, skiing, playing football).
Even the bad moments may have a silver lining. After the protest where her daughter melted down, Ibara’s friend said, "I know it was hard, but think about how great it is for her to learn that lesson (that it's not all about her) now. Some people never learn that." Apparently, the lesson sunk in. After hearing a high school student give a speech at another protest, the little girl said she wanted to be an activist. It made Ibara tear up—and “wonder who is going to support us in our old age,” she added wryly.