Sex and the Single College Grad
Sometimes, nothing can lighten up a conversation more than good, frank talk about sex and relationships. As a student at Yale University, Natalie Krinsky started writing “Sex and the (Elm) City� as a favor to a friend. The column ran in the school paper and sparked an Ivy League Revolution. Suddenly, some of her columns were getting 400,000 hits, and responses from all over the world. With topics ranging from oral sex to the perfect first date, Krinsky’s columns gave readers a whole new look at what it meant to live, as she puts it, “beyond the ivy covered walls.�
Now, with her first book, Chloe Does Yale, a novel about (surprise!) a Yale University sex columnist and her exploits, hitting the shelves, Krinsky has taken her adventures to New York City, and to a regular blogging gig at the Village Voice. She sat down with WireTap to talk about her column, whether “smart is sexy,� and why all the campus sex columnists are women.
WireTap: When did you start writing the column? How did you get the book deal?
Natalie Krinsky: I began writing my column at the beginning of my sophomore year at Yale. When it started gaining popularity beyond just Yale and I had readers at many other colleges around the country, I began thinking about writing a book. This was at the beginning of my junior year. At that time I was also getting a lot of press from national publications (Chronicle of Higher Education, The New York Times, etc.) which was encouraging as well. I was also taking a journalism class with Steve Brill (of Brill’s Content, Court TV fame etc). An author of many books, I approached him and asked if he had any advice for an aspiring author who was looking for a literary agent. He introduced me to my current agent. From there, I went on to write a book proposal, which was sold the spring of my junior year.
WT: How much is actually based on fact? What are you doing now?
NK: The book is based on my experiences as sex columnist at a prestigious Ivy League university -- sort of the insider’s view on college. Some of the stories in the book are true. Most of them are made up based on things that went on at Yale. I would say that the book is 70 percent fiction, 30 percent fact -- let the reader decide what is what!
WT: How has the book (and the column, for that matter) changed your life?
NK: I actually began writing the column as a favor to a friend who was an editor at the Yale Daily News at the time. It’s interesting that such a small “fluke� led to all this. The column and the book have done a great deal for my life. I decided to really pursue writing once the column gained popularity. So, in essence, the column decided my career path. I think the biggest difference in my life is, in some capacity, becoming someone in the public eye. Having something like a book, which is so “out there,� leaves you open to both the compliments and criticisms of a large number of people. That’s definitely a big adjustment, but an interesting one, to make.
WT: What have been some of the most surprising/interesting responses you've gotten to the column and the book?
NK: I think that some of the most surprising things are the stories that you hear from people as a result of writing about sex. People are much more open to sharing personal information about themselves, or seeking advice about things. Sometimes the “advice� aspect can be difficult -- I don’t always know the answers. The majority of feedback pertaining to both the book and the column has been positive, but like anything else, there will always be people who feel the opposite way. I try not to take any of it too personally, though it can be hard at times.
WT: Why do you think "Ivy League sex" is getting so much press? You've mentioned in your other interviews that a lot of people seem to be intrigued that your articles are coming out of Yale. Is smart sexy? Do you think people are surprised "academics" are having sex, or do you think their perceptions of the Ivys are wrong?
NK: I think Ivy League sex has become such a hot commodity, in part because many of the [student] sex columns that are out there now began at prestigious or Ivy League institutions. My column at Yale was among the first two or three of its type. It’s almost as if we’ve “asked� for the attention. At the same time, people do have stereotypes or perceptions about what happens “beyond the ivy covered walls� of Harvard or Yale or Princeton, and when those perceptions are contradicted I think that excites and fascinates them. I think a lot of these institutions also seems “mysterious� or “untouchable� and some of the sexy stuff we’re writing about is at once scandalous and relatable.
I also definitely think smart is sexy ... as long as it’s packaged along with other goods ... .
WT: In your book, drinking is often tied to sexuality or sexual experiences. Oftentimes, Chloe starts regretting these hook-ups even during the act. Can you comment on the prevalence of alcohol-fueled hookups on college campuses? Why did you think it was important to include this element in your book?
NK: In college a lot of sexual encounters are fueled by alcohol. There’s definitely a culture of drinking in college, period. Most social scenarios involve alcohol and in turn lead to hookups. I think this element was important to include in the book because it’s true -- it’s what’s out there and what’s going on.
WT: Do you consider yourself a feminist? Do you think your book is feminist? Some critics have called it "post-feminist," and have said that the women in the book are weak, inactive, or overly emotional. What's your take?
NK: I completely disagree that the women in my book are weak, inactive, or overly emotional. They are 19-and 20-years-old and trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of relationships and what they don’t want. When dealing with the situations they find themselves in, it’s not a bad thing to get emotional -- Chloe [the book’s main character] does sometimes become angry or upset or sad because of the relationships in her life, but as a contrast, Lisa, another central character, can be more blasé, whereas Bonnie [another central character] for example, ends up in a very mature relationship with a guy who, initially, is quite the opposite. The characters represent a wide spectrum of maturity and emotions and I think that’s a realistic portrayal.
I think the column and subsequently the book has made me much more of a “feminist� than I was before. Today, if you are a woman and you are a sex writer people assume certain things about you and might label you “promiscuous,� etc. I think I’ve become more adamant about how expressive women can be when it comes to sex, how overtly sexual they can be -- I think that if a woman wrote Dan Savage’s column, for the Village Voice, which is great but very risqué and out there, she would get a lot more flack for it. That’s disappointing to me.
WT: You know, you're a sex columnist, which is a pretty public exploration of your private life. And yet, you get your message across, both in the column and in interviews, without divulging much of your true personality or real life. Do you think it's important to keep your public and private lives separate?
NK: I think that putting out a representation of who you are in columns and in a book is enough. Doing that alone prompts a free-for-all about what people think about you, which is fine, but I don’t need people making judgments, positive or negative, about my own love life, my family etc. Those are things that I want to deal with on my own, especially [while] I’m trying to figure a lot of it out for myself.
WT: How can a young writer take their experiences and run with them? How can they make their writing and their experiences a career?
NK: In some ways my situation is pretty unique. I was writing about provocative things at a time when this was relatively new. But, I think that writing for a campus newspaper or magazine can certainly be a good way to break into a career in writing. I also think the thing to keep in mind is that in some cases “youth� can be a writer’s greatest asset. A young, fresh perspective will always be valuable.