How insecure do you have to be to get jealous of a dog’s news clippings? Well, exactly this insecure (second tweet):

“Remember the dog, great dog Conan? When we took out … Right? We love Conan. Conan’s a tough dog. But when we took out al-Baghdadi, Conan — remember this? — Conan got more publicity than President Trump. That’s okay. They were looking for al-Baghdadi for 16 years. We found him and we took him out.”

For those of you who don’t speak fluent Trump, “that’s okay” precisely translates to …

And I have no doubt Conan the Dog had a fuckuvalot more to do with finding and eliminating Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi than Donald Trump did. At the very least he didn’t get out of the raid by faking bone spurs, or whatever the canine equivalent of being a mewling silver-spoon coward is.

Also, as anyone who’s ever met (or seen) the guy knows, any mission planning session will go far more smoothly without Trump at the table. I imagine sitting in the Situation Room with Trump is a little like sharing a womb with a third-trimester dingo fetus. Uncomfortable at a minimum, and disturbing and dangerous if the dingo happens to get angry.

So, yeah. This is your president. He can’t let anyone else get the credit for anything — not even a cute, brave, loyal dog.

My super blowout book sale is still going! My latest e-book Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump, is currently on sale for a redonkulous $1.99. It returns to its (moderately redonkulous) regular price of $2.99 tomorrow. Meanwhile, you can find all my acclaimed Trump-trashing treatises atAmazon. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief.