'I have to compose myself': Doctor smacks down Orange County Republican who asked if COVID vaccine embeds a tracking device

To be honest, I'm not all that concerned that the COVID vaccine I took last Friday might have a tracking device in it. For one thing, it doesn't, because that would be bonkers. For another, I can't fathom who the hell would want to track me. I can just imagine the folks at the NSA gawking at my 24-hour feed and thinking, "He's going to the cupboard again? How many Little Debbie Fig Bars can one guy eat?"

Also, I have a phone in my pocket that's tracking me pretty much everywhere I go—which is basically nowhere except the aforementioned cupboard. If the government really wants to send in an artillery strike, they can just check the iPhone coordinates. Or look up my address, FFS.

Honestly, Republicans need to come up with better, more plausible horror stories—like that the vaccine contains a cache of self-replicating nanobots that gradually Brundlefly you into a Republican. Now that would give me pause.

Sadly, though, the way this conspiracy theory so effortlessly glides off this doofus' tongue makes me think he represents thousands, if not millions, of his fellow travelers in the International Bizarro World Party.

So for your endless entertainment, here's Don Wagner, a Republican member of the Orange County, California, Board of Supervisors asking Dr. Clayton Chau, director of the county's health care agency, whether his constituents need worry about Joe Biden slipping on his Professor X Cerebro helmet to find out where they hide their freeze-dried bunker snacks:

WAGNER: "Does it … is there any intention of tracking folks?"

CHAU: "Nope."

WAGNER: "Is there any, in the vaccine, we heard about an injection of a tracking device. Is that being done anywhere … in Orange County?"

CHAU: "I'm sorry, I have to compose myself. There's not a vaccine with a tracking device embedded in it that I know of ... exists in the world. Period."

That you know of. As Don Rumsfeld famously noted, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Again, if the government really wants to track me through the vaccine, they're welcome to try. Because if I don't get vaccinated, it'll be really easy to find me. I'll be buried at Evergreen Cemetery next to the other anti-vax dipshits.