Babygirl opens with what seems to be a fulfilling sex scene between such a woman, Romy (Nicole Kidman), and her husband Jacob (Antonio Banderas), punctuated by an orchestra of groans and heavy breathing. The scene hints that all is well in the bedroom too. Until, that is, Romy jumps out of bed, runs to her study and masturbates to pornography. Clearly, there are layers beneath the surface of her seemingly satisfying sex life.
As a sex therapist, I know the three themes that are central to this story well: hierarchical workplace romance (when one partner is in a higher position at work than the other), aspects of BDSM (best understood when read in three pairs: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism), and infidelity.
Romantic relationships are a natural aspect of human interaction and they are likely to occur in various settings, including the workplace. There are many explanations as to why someone might engage in a consensual workplace relationship.
Given that we spend a substantial portion of our lives at work, often in the company of like-minded people, it’s not surprising that proximity and familiarity (commonly known as the mere exposure effect) can draw people to one another in this environment. According to one estimate, more than 60% of adults have engaged in a workplace romance at some point.
Yet, when workplace relationships involve hierarchical positions, they present additional ethical challenges, such as power imbalances and conflicts of interest. And so, what begins as innocuous banter between CEO Romy and intern Samuel (Harris Dickinson), soon escalates into a more intimate and sexually charged office liaison.
When Samuel brings up domination and submission (the DS of BDSM), the power dynamics start to shift.
At first, Romy pushes back, but over time, that resistance turns into something else – not giving in, but breaking free.
Babygirl’s director, Halina Reijn, beautifully captures the consensual role-playing between the pair. The film smartly weaves in the concept of “safe words” (pre-agreed words or signals that clearly communicate the need to slow down, adjust or stop) and consent. This ensures that practices are safe, mentally sound and agreed upon by all involved.
A key principle in the BDSM world is “safe, sane and consent” as it helps establish trust and clear boundaries, making sure everyone feels respected and comfortable.
Awakenings
As the film progresses, so does the intensity that grows between the pair, allowing Romy a gradual sexual awakening. The film challenges common misconceptions about domination and submission – that “being told what to do” isn’t rooted in humiliation but (for some) in freedom.
This dynamic might not appeal to everyone, but it’s not uncommon for high-powered people to embrace submission and relinquish control of their day-to-day lives. For some, this can even feel empowering. It allows Romy, for the first time, to explore her fantasies. And to do so in a safe, trusting environment.
Findings suggest that sexual compatibility and relationship happiness are key predictors of extramarital affairs, particularly among women. When Jacob discovers Romy’s affair, his world collapses. He must come to terms with the fact that his wife not only breached his trust (she broke the agreed-upon terms of their monogamous relationship without his consent) but also jeopardised their relationship, family and possibly her career.
To save her marriage, Romy explains her sexual “turn-ons” to Jacob. She is pain-stricken with guilt and shame. This suppression of her sexual expression – deeming it as “abnormal” – reflects how societal and cultural norms very much shape our understanding of sex and relationships.
Sexual scripts are the social and cultural rules that shape how we act, think and feel in romantic and sexual situations. They tell us things like who should do what, when, where and why. Sometimes, scripts can influence us profoundly and trigger shame, especially when our desires, likes and dislikes deviate from what is considered “normal”, as with Romy.
The kind of shame Romy talks about is something I see a lot in my practice as a sex and relationships therapist. That’s why I like using a sex-positive approach, which focuses on things like inclusivity, consent, pleasure and sex education. This way, my clients can explore their sexuality in a judgment-free space without feeling ashamed.
Babygirl offers a provocative exploration of relationships, leading viewers through challenging themes, while also delving into the complexities of human desire, sexual preferences and expressions.
Chantal Gautier, Sex and Relationship Therapist, Lecturer, University of Westminster
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.