News & Politics

DURST: Advice from Cheney: Screw Em

A brief excerpt from "Dear Mr. Cheney," a column of Dick's trademark kinder, gentler advice.
Dear Mr. Cheney: I'm a former CEO of a large international oil concern who is headed into the public sector, but because of a couple of deferred pension payments that won't vest until I'm in office some pansy ass organizations are screaming "conflict of interest." What should I do?

- Dehydrated in Dallas

Dear Dehydrated in Dallas: Screw em.

Dear Mr. Cheney: I got hit a lucky steak and amassed a salary of about $20 million over the last ten years, but my tax returns show only 1% of that went to charitable contributions. Because my new partner has recently been spouting off about how a policy of private donations is so much better than that old tired discredited philosophy of public assistance I've been catching a lot of heat lately. Any suggestions?

- Wired in Wyoming

Dear Wired in Wyoming: Screw em.

Dear Mr. Cheney: Recently, I was on a podium and my boss called a guy wandering past us an asshole and I agreed with him. So far, no problem. The guy was an asshole. Unfortunately we were near an open microphone and all his colleagues heard what we said about him. Should we apologize to him or to his colleagues or both?

- Irate in Iran.

Dear Irate in Iran. Screw em all.

Don't forget to read "Dear Mr. Cheney" each and every week or just for the next nine, for more of his trademark new generation, kinder, gentler advice.

Will Durst can't wait for the compilation.
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