News & Politics

DURST: Slumlord Al Gore

Al Gore is being accused of being a slumlord. Who of us never thought he looked a little beady around the eyes?
It's been a tough couple months for Al (I Can't Feel My Own Legs) Gore.

First there was that whole "Stole His Programming From An East German Female Swim Team Computer" charge. Then there was that ugly melting wax problem neatly solved by the chance discovery of an abandoned refrigerated limo on the Alabama coast. Now he's being accused of being a slumlord. And who of us never thought he looked a little beady around the eyes?

Tracy Mayberry, who rents an apartment from the Man Who Gets An Oilcan Every Father's Day, in Carthage, Tennessee, says he not only failed to fix overflowing toilets and backed up sinks, but also threatened to evict she and her disabled husband, mentally retarded daughter and another daughter with a seizure disorder. He then picked up her puppy and nailed its ears to a two by four, which he proceeded to fling over a bridge abutment. Okay, the last part was made up.

But really, the as unsympathetic as a slumlord part is true. But its an election year, so Gore cleaned up that place faster than you can say Mike Wallace and now the story has a happy ending, except for Democrats because Al Gore is still the apparent frontrunner for Democratic Nominee for President.

Will Durst hasn't yet lined up credentials for either of the Conventions and for some strange reason he's not all that upset about it.