News & Politics

All Elian, All the Time

"Here we are, in year 13 of the Elian standoff, and the little tyke of offshore rescue fame still has his own TV channel and 207 official websites."
"And now on the 13th anniversary of what seemed to be a simple offshore rescue, Dateline's senior correspondent Hannah Storm looks back at the changes one little Cuban boy has wrought. Hannah?"

"Thanks Soledad. Here we are. The Elian Standoff: year 13. Its been 7 years since America has experienced all Elian, all the time, but he still has his own TV channel, our own MSNBC, 207 official websites, the K Mart linen endorsements and 'Freedom-Os', his breakfast cereal shaped like little red white and blue lifesavers.

Critics suggest, at 19 years old, his future in the spotlight may depend on negotiating the tricky post pubescent rapids that swamped many young celebrity dinghies such as Danny Bondaduce, Emmanuel Lewis and that creepy little Pepsi girl, whose mutilated corpse recently discovered in the basement of a Bronx crack house saddened us all. And they are not encouraged by his replacement by a younger waterlogged cousin in the newest lineup of the current 'Menudo' tour.

Perhaps the most damning evidence is the fact that even New Hampshire Senator Bob Smith, Republican or Reform or whatever party is letting him hang out this week won't return his calls anymore. Not a pretty sign. Almost as frightening as Senator Smith's hair. The future remains to be seen. Soledad?"

Fear not, Will Durst's crystal ball has been known to have some cracks.
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