News & Politics

Durst: President IHOP's First Veto

Political comic Will Durst debuts on AlterNet with some thoughts on Bill Clinton's long-awaited veto, and the possible advantages of the disappearing ozone layer.
In a stunning upset, Bill Clinton has become a man. Mazel Tov. Summoning all his forrest gumption, President IHOP waited longer to exercise his first veto than any President since Millard Fillmore. Another one term president by the way; rated by some historians as the worst Chief Executive ever. About as good an omen as a dead albatross in your cereal box. Bill put his initial negative stamp on Congress' 16.4 billion dollar deficit reduction bill, which called for 1.4 billion in education and environmental cuts, replacing some of the monies spent with construction projects in home districts. As they say, one man's pork is another man's trafe. The Republicans used this bill to "fix" the Clean Air Act so it was fair to business. If you ask me, this is the same kind of fixing the veterinarian performs on your male cat. ******* Nothing turns off your typical middle American Corporate lobbyists more than the liberal media elite's constant whining about the loss of the ozone layer. In the good ol' USA, if we get stuck with lemons, we make lemonade. Give us old plums, we'll call 'em prunes and lubricate the colons of thousands. Gather together dried apricot pits, we'll fleece the dying by calling it Laetrile: a cancer cure. Instead of focusing on all the bad aspects of a shrinking ozone layer, maybe we should concentrate on some of the positive points. For one thing, travel agencies will be able to package surfing trips to Sweden. You'll no longer have to listen to liberals sniveling about burning the rain forests, because they'll be spontaneously combusting on their own. The liberals that is. Canada will no longer have to import coffee or bananas. San Bernadino will become a beach town. You'll be able to barbecue without the inconvenience of those messy charcoal briquets. Just stick some meat out the window, and voila, perfect grilling every time. Don't bother making plans to retire in Arizona; simply wait for Arizona to come to you.
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Election 2018