News & Politics

DURST: The Great Democratic Stronghold

A funny and ficticious account of Bill Clinton addressing an Adult Film Awards event.
"Thank you Ron Jeremy. It's a thrill to preside over the opening of the annual Adult Film Awards here in the great Democratic stronghold of Berkeley, California. What's that? Oh, El Paso, Texas. Explains why breakfast was so odd in the motel this morning. Salsa on oatmeal, there ought to be a law.I want to thank all of you for coming, so to speak, tonight... today. Worked with a lot of people who got naked in my time, although, addressing a group that earns their living at it is a first. The right wing conservative extremists might say a crowd of 4000 is a comment on the disintegration of our society, but I say, they're just jealous.Now I know you're asking. 'Bill, how can you turn this lead into a mandate for a second term'... it was a rhetorical question sir. The answer is easy, we're going to, oh excuse me. I'll be right back, George, cue the band. Hello honey, what's wrong? Are you sure? You haven't told anyone, have you? No, no, of course not. It's just the timing is off. Here, you talk to this guy who looks like Shawn Eckhart and he'll take care of everything. I'll be in touch the second week of November, if you know what I mean. No, no one's noticed Chelsea looks just like you. Wait, don't flash those Polaroids, give them here... aaaiiiieeeee!!!!"Will Durst still insists we all could use some Vivarin.