News & Politics

DURST: The Modern Story of Christmas

Durst rewrites the Christian story of Christmas, this time with a modern twist.
The Modern Story of Christmas.Mary's home pregnancy test surprisingly had come up positive. Joseph was upset, but after the Carpenters Union HMO herbalist prescribed 5,000 cc's of Zoloft, he settled down. The young family wandered over to Bethlehem courtesy of a donkey from Rome Rents, but the keeper of the Appianway Inn had given away their room to a particularly rowdy attendee of the RedSeaAde Gladiator convention. The two eventually traded some shelving futures for overnight space in a barn owned by the local distributor of Burning Bush Beer. After a angelic labor assisted by Ease-It, the extract of a local poppy derivative, Christ, the child for whom Christmas was named after, was born.Three wise men, following the large candlelit display for Burning Bush Beer, showed up and visited after paying the four scheckel cover and two drink minimum. One arrived with an offering of Garlique-O-Myhr, a garlic substitute with amazing replenishing powers. Another was a solicitor who served the Infant King with a restraining order filed by Druids. And the third was a representative from Ra, the running sandal people who tried to sign the Baby Jesus to a thirty three year endorsement contract. Then he grew up and was killed in a hostle takeover.Will Durst holds in his heart the original meaning of Christmas and says "Let's go kick some Moslem butt."
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