News & Politics

Inaugural 2: This Time It's Really Personal

A horror movie sequel that will leave you in chills.
Exhibiting his mastery of faith-based weather, President Bush's second coronation circus slipped smack dab between two Washington D.C. snowstorms amid the most oppressive security setup since some old Chinese guy reclaimed Tiananmen Square. Like every circus, it featured a parade. However, with a battalion of armored limousines and two hour waits to stand on 10-degree street corners behind about ten million strapped law enforcement officers, this wasn't a parade with a lot of laughs. No balloons, cotton candy or deep fried bananas; the only animals were sniffy dogs, and the few clowns in attendance were all on the reviewing stand.

In his 21-minute, 1,430-word speech, the president called for an end to tyranny but I have a funny feeling that does not extend to the Republican majority's behavior towards the Democrats in Congress. He managed to mention the word freedom 27 times, but surprisingly the word "Iraq" was AWOL, failing to make a single appearance. Probably waiting for the State of the Union for its grand entrance. The point is, George Bush is pro-freedom and anti-tyranny. Wow. Can't wait for his position paper on irritable bowel syndrome.

Sporting the lowest approval rating of a second-term president in over 50 years, the president defended the pomp and circumstance of his $40 million party against critics who called it excessive:"You can be equally concerned about our troops in Iraq and those who suffered in the tsunami while celebrating democracy." Other concerns he neglected to mention that one can still hold while celebrating democracy are the heartbreak of psoriasis, curtain-rod drawstring strangulation, wind-borne ebola, the critical international shortage of ethical show business agents and huge meteors on extinction level trajectories.

The Evangelist of Freedom went on to say his second inauguration should serve as an inspiration to fledgling democracies in Iraq and Afghanistan and I'm sure both countries are salivating over their upcoming opportunity to hold an event featuring dozens of exclusive feasts such as the one with 21,000 enchiladas, 20,000 quesadillas, and 3,000 lb. of barbecued beef as was found at Texas State Society's Black Tie & Boots Ball. I am guessing the pulled pork sandwiches will be replaced with a couple of bowls of red pepper hummus but more fiber is undoubtably a good thing.

Although a member of the Bush family has been part of the ruling presidential ticket 5 out of the last 7 contests, both 41 and 43 went out of their way to say they don't appreciate the term "dynasty." Yeah, well, you know what, neither do we and its probably not because of an allergic reaction to Joan Collins. The only silver lining for Democrats is Dubyah can't run again, unless Karl Rove starts a clandestine push to jettison the 20th Amendment, in which case, Bill Clinton can run again as well. To which you can hear the blue states rise in unison: "Bring it on!"

Will Durst is a political comic whose feet are just now thawing out.
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Election 2018