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News & Politics

No Smoking Knife

The Administration has cautioned the public to expect the General to reveal no smoking gun. Probably not a smoking knife either.
Colin Powell is addressing the UN this week and the prevailing buzz is the General is poised to stun the world with some triple super secret evidence that Saddam Hussein is not just a bad guy, but a horrendously horrid bad guy who doesn't even bother to pretend he's not wiping his nose on his camouflage sleeve while decent people are looking.

Furthermore, he is a man who eats garlic and whole raw onions before he plays tonsil hockey with his mistresses and then he sticks them with an outrageously inflated bar tab he gets kickbacks on. A guy who if he were wiped off the face of the planet, maybe 2 people would complain but not very loudly and neither of them would be members of the National Soccer team. In an attempt to lower the speech's high expectations, the Administration has cautioned the public to expect the General to reveal no smoking gun. Probably not a smoking knife either.

I doubt we'll see anything resembling an extremely warm letter opener. Maybe if we're lucky, a fairly cool broken pyrex dish that's been left in an industrial strength dishwasher overnight. Or satellite photos of bent twigs exhibited as lethal pointy sticks. But you can bet your bottom petro dollar we're going to be treated to an honest to goodness thoroughly unsubstantiated third party rumor or two. And a fine crop of juicy unattributed innuendo. And surely we'll see the wet spot of some vague ghostly connections to other tall bad guys with kidney disease who we still can't find. Hopefully, Saddam will take up our mumbled half hearted offer of safe passage to exile and this whole ugly mess can be averted and we can enjoy the NBA All Star Game the way it should be. Prone. On the couch.

With the sound turned off. Of course I have no idea where such a America-hating, uses poison gas on his own- people, crazed maniacal despot would feel at home. And then it hit me: Idaho.

Will Durst thinks he would feel right at home in Idaho. Well, flying over it at least.
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