News & Politics

The French and the Blix

Hans Blix is not the Bush Administration's favorite guy right about now.
The Bush Administration has had it up to here with Hans Blix (yeah, that's his real name) for reporting to the UN that his wacky band of weapons inspectors have found no evidence of any Weapons of Mass Destruction while inspecting for weapons in Iraq. Which to the administration's way of thinking, is proof positive weapons are being hidden over there.

By their logic, if Hussein wasn't hiding weapons, weapons would be lying right out in there on the Baghdad International Airport tarmac for everyone to see. Poor Saddam is in one of those rare lose - lose - lose situations. Damned if the UN Weapons Inspectors find weapons, damned if they don't find weapons and damned if Dubyah's approval rating falls below 50%. Thinly disguising his disgust for the commie pinko yellow rat bastard concept of International coalition building, Bush implied the UN blue hats were a "pussy blue," airlifted Blix a case of Dr. Dean Edell's prescription eyeglasses, then whined in front of the cameras, "this is like the rerun of a bad movie and I don't feel like watching it again."

Boy, has he finally inadvertently placed his finger on the faltering pulse of America, or what? See, the deal is, Bush KNOWS Saddam's got weapons over there. Feels it deep down in his bones. How can he so sure? Because his Daddy sold the weapons to him, that's why. It's like when your Aunt Hoogolah gave you that nice red sweater with the green snowmen appliques on it for Christmas and you neglected to wear it at the next holiday get-together. That's what this is all about.

"Hey, where's the sweater my dad gave you, you ungrateful creep? What, did you drop it off at Goodwill, you no good SOB." Bush just wants to see the red sweater. Of course, maybe Saddam re-gifted it. If I were the weapons inspectors inspecting for weapons, I would march right across the border and check the bottom shelf of Syria's hall closet behind the spare tablecloths.

Will Durst had one of those red sweaters and yes, it ended up in the Goodwill box and yes, his mom said it was okay. (She and Aunt Hoogolah didn't get along that well)
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