News & Politics

Michael Moore: Why Obama's Team Can't Score ... And How They Can Get Back in the Game

Dems started this game all powered up -- and then it looks like they just gave the ball to the other side and said 'ok, we'll let you decide, we'll play by your rules.'

(As heard this morning on WUSS-AM, Home of DemSports and the Fightin' Wussies)

Sportscaster #1: Well fans, it was a sight to behold. At half time it looked like it was all over for the lanky, amiable Obama who came into this game with huge expectations, but for some reason seemed to peter out somewhere in the first quarter.

Sportscaster #2: Well, let's not forget that Obama inherited much of this team from the last Dem coach and the last Repub coach and I guess what works for one coach doesn't necessarily work so well for another one -- even some 16 years later.

#1: It rarely does. In fact the oldtimers dragged Obama's overall shooting percentage down -- way down.

#2: His teammates couldn't get anything passed down the court, either. Sorta pathetic to watch a team that comes in to play, essentially owns the arena, and they can't score -- and that's with the other team playing with a few men short...

#1: And those who were playing were, let's say, a few cards short themselves, if you know what I mean...

#2: Yes, I certainly do. So the Dems started this game all powered up -- and then it looks like they just gave the ball to the other side and said 'ok, we'll let you decide, we'll play by your rules.'

#1: Incredible. Never seen anything like it in the history of the sport. But remember, the "Fightin" part of the Fightin' Wussies name doesn't have to do with fighting the other team. It's about each player's fight with their teammates as well as their own personal, inner struggle.

#2: Well, Obama and his side took a shellacking, that's for sure in the first half. Now, I don't know what was said back in the locker room during halftime but as soon as the second half began, Obama was like changed man.

#1: He came back loaded for bear!

#2: That's right. On his very first drive to the basket he was unstoppable. They tried to hard foul him but Obama was not going to let anything get in his way!

#1: And when his opponent got the ball, instead of heading over to the sidelines and the bench -- as he did in the first half -- Obama decides to defend the basket with a "take no prisoners" attitude.

#2: So much so he was willing to take an elbow to the mouth and sustained a cut lip that required 12 stitches!

#1: The man with the bleeding heart now had a bleeding lip!

#2: And you know folks, whether he was bleeding Kenyan blood or American blood, he was back in the game within minutes!

#1: And man, what happened after that, well, the other team is still trying to figure out which way is up.

#2: From that point on, It was one Obama drive and slam dunk after another. Wam, bam, Obama!

#1: The other team was in a tizzy. They couldn't figure out what had gotten into him -- and they could see there was no stopping him after that.

#2: The result: A job for everyone. Bankers behind bars. Health care for all. Troops all home. Schools full of smart and happy kids. And, most of all, burgers inside a donut bun, banned. Score! Score! And score! A banner day for the Fightin' Wussies -- who maybe at this point should think about changing their name!

That's all from here...
Michael Moore

Michael Moore is an Academy Award-winning filmmaker and author. He directed and produced Roger & Me, Bowling for Columbine, Fahrenheit 9/11, and Sicko. He has also written seven books, most recently, Mike’s Election Guide 2008
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