The Five Grossest American Fast Food Ideas

There are oh so many ways to pollute your body with American fast food. Here's the top five.

Today is the day. Call it the heart attack heard 'round the world. Yes, today KFC's already-infamous Double Down--the bacon and cheese "sandwich" where the bun is comprised of two chunks of fried chicken--hits fast food chains and mall food courts across the nation. I already tipped my hat/suppressed a gag reflex at KFC's nauseatingly audacious ad campaign to push a product they know is sort of gross. So today, in order to celebrate the Double Down's official inauguration into the fast food hall of fame as sarcastically as possible, I present to you five disgusting ideas the fast food industry sold America--and the often hilarious videos that take them on.

Michael Pollan, if you're reading this, I beg you to close your browser window -- this is about to get gross.

Jimmy Dean's Pancake and Sausage on a Stick:

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If you watch the Daily Show with any regularity, you've probably seen Jon break out this bad boy -- which gives the Double Down itself a run for its money in terms of nastiness. And then there's the telling takeaway line: "America: continuing to push the envelope of what can technically be defined as food." So true. So painfully true.

The Multi-Multi-Layered Taco:

This SNL sketch lampoons the fast food trend of late to pile as much stuff onto a food product as possible -- championing the 'more-is-better' ethos that practically defines the fast food industry. The direct target was probably Taco Bell's Cheesy Gordita Crunch, which inexplicably added a layer of cheese-filled soft taco on top of a standard taco.

McDonald's Invincible French Fries:

Many probably believe McDonald's French Fries to be one of the least gross things on its menu. So how come they won't decompose? What are those things really made of? One health expert uncovered a similar finding -- except the entire Happy Meal wouldn't decompose after a whole year on her shelf! Remember, real food is supposed to decompose, folks...

The Windows 7 Whopper -- 7 Patty Burger:

There are an astonishing 790 grams of beef in that heart attack waiting to happen. Gross. Watching some guy choke the whole thing down in one setting: even grosser. That this was part of Windows 7's promotional campaign in Japan: just plain weird. Looks like Americans aren't the only ones who think piling 7 patties on a bun and mashing it into our face is a good idea.

Via SpikeTV.

Little Chocolate Donuts Breakfast Meal:

The madness didn't start recently, either. Here, the late John Belushi mocks the penchant for cereal companies to attempt to portray their brands as healthy--as well as athletes' penchant for hocking dubiously beneficial foods.

And Now, the KFC Double Down:

Hungry yet?

Brian Merchant is a freelance writer, blogger, and editor living in Brooklyn, NY.
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