Sex & Relationships

Why We Really Need to Get Over the G-Spot

The G-spot has fueled endless debates among researchers and sexperts, while driving a mini sex industry. But does it matter at all?

Once again, sex experts are arguing over women's sexuality, and as usual they ignore what women actually say about their sexual arousal and orgasms. This time, English and French sex experts are grousing over whether or not women have the fabled G-spot. The English say no and the French say yes, prompting a commenter on the blog Pandagon to describe the peek-a-boo games the G-spot plays with sex researchers as Schrödinger's G-spot: "It both exists and doesn’t exist at the same time and the act of observing it changes it."

The real question is not whether or not the G-spot exists. Frankly, who the hell cares? If a woman has a G-spot, more power to her, but putting pressure on a woman to stick her fingers deep inside and find that Magic 8-Ball only makes her feel insecure if she can't locate it. The G-spot debates have resurrected age-old denigration of female sexuality, especially of the clitoral stimulation all women need in order to feel sexual arousal and to achieve orgasm. As usual, women's experiences and needs are ignored, this time in favor of publishing papers, getting professional and media attention, and especially selling products designed to assist women in reaching the Big O—preferably from G-spot stimulation.

Debates about the G-spot have been going on ever since German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg claimed to have discovered the devilish little beast in 1950. The G-spot is said to be "a ridged patch that responds to gentle stroking, located 1.5 to 3 inches up on the anterior wall of the vagina, somewhere between 11 and 1 o'clock if noon were the navel." Sounds like a bitch to locate, doesn't it? That's the problem—some women report having a G-spot, but not all of them do.

Those who rave about the wonders of manipulating that little area inside the vagina sometimes claim a G-spot orgasm is much more powerful and stupefying than a mere clitoral orgasm. Some of these G-spot women even say they ejaculate copious fluids. It's like comparing the eruption of Mount Vesuvius to the low water pressure of a drinking fountain. The hidden message isn't so hidden. "Real" orgasms come from the G-spot, and women who don't spurt lakes full of fluid are far inferior to women who do. Why enjoy an inferior clitoral orgasm when you can burst like Mount Vesuvius?

If such denigration of women's sexuality sounds familiar, you can thank Sigmund Freud, who used similar comparisons to describe the "mature" vaginal orgasm to the "immature" clitoral orgasm. What makes a vaginal orgasm "mature"? The penetration of the almighty penis, of course. A woman needs clitoral stimulation to become sexually aroused and to climax, and—most importantly—she doesn't need a man to have a clitoral orgasm.

Pioneering sex researcher Dr. Shere Hite had plenty to say against the G-spot in an article she wrote for the feminist magazine On The Issues: "Although this idea was overturned by The Hite Report, in recent years it has made a forceful comeback. A so-called G-spot came to stand for the old concept of vaginal orgasm: every women should be able to have orgasm via penetration and stimulation inside the vagina—if she is a real woman!"

The media simply adore the G-spot but reporters are reluctant to talk about the clitoris. Talking about real women's sexuality is icky and unladylike (and importantly, leaves out male presence and superiority) but the G-spot is exotic and encourages penile penetration, so let's focus on finding it! Hite did not disparage vaginal stimulation, but she put it in its proper perspective when she wrote, "Of course, the vagina is a sensitive and pleasurable organ for women, given the right situation. My research does not deny that, but rather demonstrates that this pleasure does not lead to orgasm for most women. Many women enjoy intercourse as a kind of foreplay, then use specific clitoral massage to orgasm, done systematically and gently."

Another side effect of the G-spot debates is product promotion. Dr. Petra Boynton has pointed out that in our commercialized, overly sexualized Western cultures, there is no shortage of sexperts eager to tell you where your G-spot is and how to find it—often by writing books they promise will help you reach G-spot Nirvana.

Or, as Boynton writes on her blog:

... you could buy products with widgets and knobs and bendy bits to give your G-spot attention. Or you could read one of the endless features in women's (and latterly) men’s glossy magazines praising the spot and telling you how to find it. Porn also shifted to include a hat tip to the G-spot, although it wasn’t so easy to show. However, female ejaculation (the squirty friend of the G-spot) was easy to demonstrate. Hence the popularity of this within porn currently. And most recently the cosmetic surgery industry has got in on the act offering G-shot parties where you can get a collagen injection into your vaginal wall to enhance the G-spot (and make it easier for a partner to find).

So not only is the G-spot popular with sexperts in general, it has been commercialized to sell sex toys, porn movies, collagen injections and books.

The focus on the G-spot also puts pressure on men to perform longer and harder. The insinuation is that if a man can't bring his partner to a G-spot orgasm, he must be inferior in some way. Likewise, women are waiting for that urge-to-pee feeling that supposedly signals a massive G-spot orgasm is on its way (maybe even with ejaculation! Hurrah!). Focusing so much on G-spot stimulation and orgasm put men and women at odds with each other. Not only that, focusing so exclusively on the G-spot ignores erogenous zones all over the human body, so people do not experience the full thrill of sexual pleasure. As Shere Hite has written, "Although vaginal orgasm, the old term, had been completely ridiculed, here was a trendy, modern way to be a stick-in-the-mud, but still proclaim oneself to be modern, new, and liberated—supposedly believing in equality and the new powerful woman."

What's a girl to do? Just put the G-spot out of your mind. If you have one, enjoy it as much as you can. If you don't have one, remember—that doesn't make you any less of a woman.  

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