News & Politics

DURST: Artificial Altercations

"'Compassionate Conservatism' -- Like me, you must be worrying: what other two word self canceling campaign keynotes are available for the marginal flotsam candidates to scrounge for? I'm glad you asked."
We're destined to hear about this artificial altercation for approximately the next sixteen months, fourteen days and twenty hours, but I beg you to forgive me for getting the jump on the respectable media rabble by sugaring the gas tank of the hairbrained bandwagon before it leaves Union Station. Of course I am referring to the fight between the "Compassionate Conservatism" being flakked by George Dubyah and the "Pragmatic Idealism" Prince Albert is clinging to as a pale attempt at a colorizing lifeline theme. Correct me if I'm wrong, but both of these cute poll tested soundbite maxims are more chock full of internal logic glitches than a sunblock sponsorship of the Carlsbad Caverns by Pokey the Petrified Mule. Our next Presidential election promises to feature these quintessential electoral mobius machinations. The oxymoron daily double. Like me, you must be worrying: what other two word self canceling campaign keynotes are available for the marginal flotsam candidates to scrounge for? I'm glad you asked. Here's Will Durst's 2000 election strategies for the guys and gals who have a better chance of catching a cab in Times Square on a rainy Friday at five disguised as a black homeless guy with running sores than raising any significant money, yet still won't quit, until they've dragged their personal national recognition factor kicking and screaming over the indistinct Vice Presidential consideration status line. No need to thank me, I'm here to help.* Rational bureaucrat.* Opulent laborer.* Destitute lobbyist.* Libertarian enforcer.* Bruised therapist.* Benevolent sniper.* Hippie hawk.* Vegetarian butcher.* Gelatin battleship.* Aluminum fruit.* Charitable trust.* Stingy philanthropist.* Principled attorney.* Responsive legislator.. Humane terrorist.* Husky supermodel.* Discreet exhibitionist.* Intransient negotiator.* Grim clown.* Generous clubowner.* Egoless comic.Will Durst might have told you more than you need to know. Again.
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