News & Politics

Texas Hold 'Em

Bush and Baghdad are locked in one interesting poker match. We can expect George W. to call right around election time.
So now it gets interesting. Apparently, Saddam Hussein plays a mean game of stud poker because he just called George W Bush's bluff and raised the stakes on this whole Desert Storm 2 deal. He did this immediately following Bush's successful ante over at the United Nations where the President filled out the application for a search warrant to ferret out some provocation for attacking Iraq. I think its UN document 86-X. Invasion: the short form. To be completed and handed in to the Secretary General's office in quintuplicate by 5 pm three business days before B- 2 bombers are allowed over Baghdad airspace. Blue or black ink only please.

Bush did give a rousing speech establishing a fragile coalition of international support in his attempt to get the UN to rubber stamp his little incursion on the condition that weapons of mass destruction are found by the appropriate weapons inspectors. Wink wink. Because as everyone knows: these will be weapons inspectors who will be restrained from inspecting any weapons. Which works just as good. "Hey, we're only trying to inspect for weapons here, and this guy won't let us do our weapons inspecting. What's up with that? Wonder what he's got to hide? Well, who wants to wait to find out? Not us." Badda- boom. The old: "for all we know he's hiding smallpox in the baby milk factory" routine, which a few of us old timers remember from way back around twelve years ago. Course it didn't quite work out that way.

For no apparent reason, Saddam welcomed the weapons inspections back: "C'mon in. Walk around, have a drink, we got nothing to hide here." And Bush responded: "doesn't matter, we're going to attack anyway." The deal is, George doesn't need any of these delays. He knows what's going to happen. Saddam is going to say, "anywhere. Look anywhere." Then the inspectors are going to point at some filthy factory with dead trees and three winged birds circling it and the Iraqi guides are going to say, "No, really, anywhere, look absolutely ... oh, oh, wait, wait. Not there. Sorry, that's a palace. Can't be looking in no palace."

But that is all going to take some time and unfortunately Bush needs this war to peak right around, oh, I don't know, let's say November 5th. Just an arbitrary date picked out of thin air with any attendant political connotations purely co-incidental. Yeah, right, and the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission is going to find evidence of electricity market manipulation in California. But that's another poker game entirely. I think they called it Texas Hold 'Em.

Will Durst folds.