News & Politics

Dubya Wimps Out On Johannesburg Summit

Instead of leaving the safe confines of his Crawford Ranch, Bush instead sends Colin Powell. The message is clear here: Dubya doesn't give two bits about the U.N. World Summit.
They were waiting for him on the castle road with torches and pitchforks and burning bags of musk ox manure but Bush spoiled the photo op by wimping out and sending Colin Powell instead. The United Nations World Summit on Sustainable Development in Johannesburg that is. Which, when you think about it, is pretty smart sending a black guy to South Africa, but tough luck for all those hyped up folks at the Summit. Kind of like inviting your friends over to play "pin the tail on the donkey" and then the damn donkey doesn't show. Damn that damn donkey. This as we all know, is the second "Earth Summit." The first being held in Rio de Janiero ten years ago which George the One attended to his never ending regret.

See the deal is, everybody, and I mean everybody, knows how these things are played out. You pack some swim trunks, your good formal vests and play nice. Pose for the right pictures, nod your head at the appropriate platitudes, mumble some canned banalities and in general promise to do stuff that you have no intention of even remembering on the plane trip home much less acting on. Brazil pledges to stop burning the rain forests at a rate of Delaware a day. Then they don't. Malaysia promises to stop playing "Throw The Burning Tire Around The Human Rights Activist's Neck." Then they don't. Europe, Japan and the U.S. vow to cut down on greenhouse gas emissions. Then they don't. And who does everybody yell at? Right -- US.

Mister Arrogant Super Power Bastard Ourself. Mister single passenger humongo SUV with the custom car adaptor for his Fry Baby American. Its always us. The bad guys the world loves to point their famished little sooty fingers at for being chock full of fat lazy energy hogs responsible for sucking all the clean air out of the world while standing on the backs of emerging nations to carve a hole in the roof of the atmosphere. Why? Because, well, for the most part, it's true. But what pissed off George the One which means it goes without saying that it pisses off Team George the Two, is how the Lilliputians go out of their way to gang tackle us while the rest of the bad guys skate off into industrialized bliss with nary a sooty finger wagged at their skinny retreating butts. And, since the Bushman obviously rates world opinion right above armadillo urine cocktails, or maybe below, he's decided he doesn't even need to make the effort this time around. Which actually works out pretty well for everyone involved. America retains its "Favored Nations" status as world target No. 1 and the dauphine doesn't have to leave the safe confines of the Crawford ranch for another couple weeks. Ain't that America? Unfortunately, right about now, it is.

Will Durst has a custom car adaptor for his Fry Baby. What's the big deal?
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