News & Politics

Dubya Punishes Corporations with Responsibility

Guess we must salute the courage of President Bush for chastising corporations for the very actions he and his administration have engaged in all their lives.
Well, that should do it. I hope this serves to teach you Doubting Thomases a lesson. You can only push a man like George W. Bush around so far before he's forced to take drastic action. He's like a modern day Popeye. Taken all he can stands and he can't stands no more.

Having quite had his fill of the scandalous conduct of the people who were the largest contributors to his campaign, George W. marched himself down to Wall Street, the belly of his pet beast, and sat those sassy fat cats down, unleashing upon them a tongue lashing they will not soon forget. To reinforce his ruthless barrage, Dubyah spoke directly in front of a printed background hammering home his theme with the words "corporate responsibility" repeated over and over in a very respectable and easily readable font.

Corporate executives seen afterwards at a black tie Republican Party fund raising reception were noticeably chastened. Their postures reflected mortification and shame caused by the President's words and precious little cavorting and almost none of the usual carousing were in evidence. Evidently they had taken the executive scolding to heart and you could see by the way the subdued dancing finished well before 4 a.m. that Bush's verbal bloodletting had hit its mark. Further evidence of the success of this well deserved trip to the woodshed was immediately apparent during the following week.

Contrite over their obvious culpability, chastised CEO's all over the country slashed their salaries vowing publicly never again to engage in the simply boorish behavior that got them into this deep doo doo in the first place. Investors, relieved that credibility had been restored to the boardroom shot up the Dow in record buying. High ranking Enron officials announced they are selling all their third and fourth houses and donating the proceeds to the company's tapped out pension fund.

Congress closed the loophole that allowed corporate salaries to zoom to 500 times that of the average worker. Outspoken Ross Perot testifying before a California legislative committee candidly admitting a lead role in his company's egregious looting of the state's coffers during the artificially induced energy crisis of last year. For all this we must salute the courage and determination of a President bucking public opinion to take a stand against the very actions he and his administration have engaged in all their lives. And that's what I'm doing. Right now. Saluting him. With both hands. He's number one in my book. I'm using the long fingers so everyone can see.

Will Durst thinks "corporate responsibility" is akin to "velvet painting art curator."

Don't let big tech control what news you see. Get more stories like this in your inbox, every day.