Sex & Relationships

Are Male Fantasies of "Girl-on-Girl" Action Messing with Women's Sexuality?

Nowadays, you're considered an uptight prude if you don't want to fondle another girl solely for a man's pleasure.

With the proliferation of straight girl-on-girl action being popularized in the media -- from "Girls Gone Wild" and Miley Cyrus' sleepover kiss, to Katy Perry's hit "I Kissed A Girl" and super-babe Megan Fox admitting she had a girlfriend -- there has been a great change in the way female sexual orientation is perceived. It has become more of an open spectrum than a box. There is a clear upside to straight women making out with another woman without anyone batting an eyelash -- we should all be free to do what and who we feel without judgment. However, Details magazine has tried to explain the downside. In the article, "Flirting With Disaster," men recount how their lesbian fantasies became an obsession that turned into a variety of devastating scenarios.  From the guy who pressured his girlfriend to the point that she felt violated, to a guy whose threesome dirty talk made his wife realize she was gay, sometimes taking a chance that seems irresistible can bring about the downfall of a relationship. However, the real problem here is that men often feel like they are responsible for and therefore dominate the desires and sexual expression of both people in a relationship.

Both critics and supporters of bisexual antics find something inherently wrong with it being a performance for a male audience. Sure, we straight gals would love to give the men in our lives the boner of a lifetime, but there comes a point where our sexuality becomes a mere extension of our partner's dreams.  What about our own fantasies?  Almost 60% of our Frisky readers said that two men going at it is sexy. As a woman who loves gay male porn and has dated bisexual men, I get off on my homosexual dreams, but I rarely get the chance to gawk at two straight men going at it to get female attention. However, the number of women I've seen making out merely to make an impression on the men around is too high for me to have kept count.  I don't want to rain on anyone's alcohol-induced parade, but there's a difference between pushing your sexual boundaries and crossing a line. It's one thing if your partner naturally toes that line and is aroused by same sex sexytimes and it's another if you're the only one getting off. It's unfair and creepy, but also a tricky situation. It's a completely natural desire to have a gay fantasy and it's nice to have a partner who is so eager to please your whims in the sack, but it might be hard to realize the consequences of something that just seems so fun and sexy. However, make no mistake, there can be penalties for everyone involved.

Amity Pierce Buxton runs a support group for spouses spurned by their partner's realization that they're gay.  According to her estimate in Details, 30% of the phone calls she receives are from men.  However, they face an extreme amount of shame because of the pervasive lesbian fantasy seen all over the media -- like the steamy letters in Penthouse‘s "Forums", bisexual darling Lindsay Lohan, and reality show whore Tila Tequila. These men thought their fantasy would go the way Katy Perry tells it -- she kissed a girl, liked it, but then immediately ran back to her boyfriend. But as they found out, that's not always the case.

In the Details article "Jason," 30, a marketing executive, considered the time he was invited to watch two women have sex to be the best time of his life. He hoped the woman he wanted to marry would be willing and able to show her affection for him by being open to having sex with another woman.  In her attempts to satiate his dream, his girlfriend went through with a lesbian encounter, but she hasn't been able to recover from the experience, in which she felt she was a pawn, and the couple is now in therapy.  She felt manipulated, pressured into something that's become a norm, but just simply wasn't her cup of tea.  Now the status quo seems to be telling women that they're weird if they don't want to hook up with another woman. The freedom to express same sex sexual desires openly has been perverted and you must be an uptight prude if you don't want to fondle another girl solely for a man's pleasure! 

On the other hand, I am willing to bet that it would seem preposterous to the vast majority of men who are willing to ask the girlfriends and wives to go gay for them, if the shoe was on the other foot and their girlfriends asked for some guy-on-guy action. So why is it that we women cave for male attention? Do we have to stick to our sexual guns (no pun intended) or do we have to devalue sex acts and be cavalier about gender in order for the sexual revolution to truly equalize things?  As we're barraged by seductive images and openness about orientation, we must learn that the lesson here is there is no sexual standard. There are so many options, kinks, twists, and nuances to every kind of human relationship, and sex is no different. It's all a matter of personality and we have to write sexuality on that list of essential items of self-discovery. It's silly to treat sexuality as a mere trend or publicity stunt. We have to listen to ourselves and march to the beat of our own desire drummer.

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