Meet McCain's Sexy Brazilian "Foreign Policy Experience"

Fifty years ago, back before John McCain was a bomb-happy war Senator with deep seated anger issues, he was just a spoiled rich kid with a temper. But the young McCain quickly distinguished himself with his legendary hobbies: heavy drinking, crashing airplanes, and fucking Brazilian chicks. Recently, a former hoochie coochie girlfriend lady has come forward to tell her side of the story, and the shocking tale of their forbidden love threatens to jeopardize his White House bid underscore his Latin American policy experience. As a McCain advisor explained to the Miami Herald:
''Talking a little about his personal experience, he was famously born in Panama and has traveled all over the hemisphere for many years.'' Fontaine said. ``In fact, I saw, I guess it was last week, that his old girlfriend in Brazil has been found from his early days when he was in the Navy and was interviewed. She's a somewhat older woman now than she was then, but it sorta speaks to the long experience he has had in the region -- in the most positive terms.''
For real. And hoo boy, has this spicy tomato ever "been found." She's giving away enough details of their relationship to make you lose your lunch:

  • ''I called him John but also my darling and my sweet coconut''

  • Also: ``He was a great kisser. I liked it so much that I bought a book to learn how to kiss myself.''

  • Also: ''He was not only a good kisser, he was good at everything.''

Ok, we get it lady! Jesus. For his part, McCain has promised that to expand his foreign policy portfolio by screwing old pensioner ladies from Paraguay, South Ossetia and perhaps one of the Emirates. But why won't Obama agree to do the same? The black man is just phoning it in.

(Hat Tip: the Latin Americanist)

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Election 2018