WATCH: Stephen Colbert Roasts the Republican Dropouts in the 2016 Race

“People had such high hopes for Rand winning. In that those who hoped were clearly high.”

Hungry for a bloodbath? Good: that's exactly what the election is, and guys like Stephen Colbert are just waiting for candidates to stumble. Last night Colbert paid tribute to those who had fallen after the Iowa caucus, as well as one who should have. 

The first tribute is to Senator Rand Paul, who set fire to the United States tax code in a campaign ad, and who came in fifth with 4.5 % of the vote. Paul announced he was suspending his campaign for presidency, with this note: “The fight is far from over. I will continue to carry the torch for liberty in the United States Senate."

“Yes the torch of liberty still burns, just keep it away from whatever’s nesting on your head,” Colbert jokes. “You‘d think being an eye doctor he would have seen this coming. People had such high hopes for Rand winning. In that those who hoped were clearly high.”

Mike Huckabee, on the other hand, said he wasn’t suspending his campaign because of votes but because voters are sick of him. 

“Huckabee’s boldest strategy was defending Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who refused same-sex marriage licenses,” Colbert reminds us. He even went so far as offer to go to jail in her place: “Jail, the White House, anywhere the government is picking up the rent, he just needs a place to crash.”

And although Jim Gilmore recieved 12 votes in Iowa—not 12 percent, 12 votes—he is still running for president, somewhere. But actually, as Colbert points out, there are more people in Iowa named Jim Gilmore than votes received by Jim Gilmore, and all of them are now more electable.

The Republicans weren’t the only ones tossed onto the pile this week. Democratic candidate Martin O’Malley, or rather 0%Malley suspended his campaign in Iowa after receiving less than 1% of the vote, leaving just a sliver of a margin more for Hillary and Bernie to battle it out. 

Alexandra Rosenmann is an AlterNet associate editor. Follow her @alexpreditor.

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