Black Americans Are Not Stupid, Nor Do We Need Your Advice: An Open Letter to Townhall's Katie Kieffer
Dear Katie Kieffer, the nice white conservative lady who only has the best interests of Black Americans at heart:
I appreciate your concern for black people's political wisdom. I know these feelings must run deep and could never be a function of a need to write a provocative column for the Right-wing website Townhall, or in response to an almost deranged and mouth-breathing brute force partisan hostility towards Barack Obama, the country's first black president.
I am sure you are a member of the NAACP, mentor and volunteer with organizations which help black youth in under-served communities, have had black people over your house to eat, and count them as friends in some other capacity than as a nurse or maid. I am also sure that you have let those best friends of yours who are black use the toilet in your house, and did not send them to the McDonald's across the street or the corner filling station. You may have also had a black lover or two.
In the spirit of sharing and friendship, I appreciate your worries about how black people are stupid and could use your good wisdom about how to better choose our "leaders." We are only 150 years removed from slavery and are still getting the hang of this freedom thing. Democracy is scary.
You have saved us lots of work by nominating Niger Innis, Harry Alford, and Ben Carson as the brilliant triumvirate which will lead Black America to the promised land that Brother Dr. King envisioned for his people. Black people are lazy by nature. As such, your assistance has saved us much time and energy which we would actually rather spend on sleeping, playing basketball, having sex, eating watermelon and fried chicken, committing welfare fraud, and dancing...there are only so many hours in the day after all.
Our bad habits must have infected the many millions of white people who voted for Barack Obama. Black people can be very compelling that way. Black Americans, with our political struggles and triumphs, style, fashion, energy, and culture, are the most imitated people on Earth. It is only natural that there are tens of millions of white voters who would follow our lead and vote for Obama. I apologize for that as well. Sometimes, we black folks underestimate our magical powers of persuasion.
In a mirror of your deep felt worries, I am very concerned about the leaders of white conservative "real America" that folks like you have helped to empower over the years. Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly, Pat Buchanan, Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin, George Bush Jr, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, Todd Akin, the Fox News Right-wing media crowd, and the Tea Party GOP, are rather embarrassing to the white race.
White folks can do better than that motley lot. I do encourage you to find a better class of white leaders. White people deserve the best. I do hope that we can collaborate in the future on solving that problem.