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Top 10 Ways to Take our Country Back from Foreign Words!

The war on terror must be fought on every single front. The latest assault on our freedoms and values came in the form of meteorological nomenclature with Jihadi agents disguised as weathermen calling our good old fashioned American dust storm a Haboob, an Arabic word. Luckily, citizens of Arizona—heroes in the ongoing war to keep America American, as God, if not Native Americans, intended it—are ever vigilant. One patriot wrote into his newspaper
After living here for 57 years, I have seen an "Arizona dust storm" or two. What irritates me is the growing trend to call our Arizona dust storms "haboobs." While other countries in the world may call them that, this is the United States. Even more, this is Arizona, not some Middle Eastern nation. I am insulted that local TV news crews are now calling this kind of storm a haboob. How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term that is clearly an Arizona phenomenon. Dust storms such as we have are as unique as cacti and diamondback rattlesnakes. Keep it as it is - an Arizona dust storm!
Another modern-day minutewoman used a rights-based argument to challenge the use of "haboob,"writing,"Excuse me, Mr. Weatherman! Who gave you the right to use the word "ha
boob" in describing our recent dust storm? We have our own culture, too, sir, and we don't take kindly to being robbed of it."
Sadly, the linguistic attacks on our culture are not limited to meteorology. Words of Arabic origin infiltrate our vocabulary more than we would like to think. In solidarity with our brothers and sisters in Arizona who are fighting to keep our language free of foreign influence, I have singled out 10 words of Arabic origin and offered good old fashioned American language names for them. Of course this list of 10 is not exhaustive but just representative grains of sand in the vast infidel Arabian desert that threatens to replace our American homeland. My fellow Americans, let us speak American!
  1. scarlet: the color of the letter that whore was forced to wear in that boring movie that was turned into an even more boring book and which Nancy Pelosi should be forced to wear
  2. orange: the beautiful hue of House Speaker John Boehner's glowing soft as a baby's bottomskin
  3. guitar: the instrument Bush borrowed from Mark Wills and played during Katrina
  4. loofah: this thing Bill O'Reilly really likes
  5. tariff: something related to taxes which we should definitely not raise for the wealthy who create jobs just by trickling
  6. safari: a tour of where you get to see but don't have to touch different kinds of natives in Africa
  7. serendipity: an awesome movie even if it does star the Communist John Cusack
  8. nadir: the sad-looking man obsessed with cars who some liberals blame for Bush presidency, even though we all know the Supreme Court vote him in. Thanks again, Antonin.
  9. spinach: the thing that health nut hippies who believe in things like fluoridewant to force their kids to eat when apple pie is just fine, thank you very much.
  10. Humus is the food of the enemy and as such must not be eaten, nonetheless spoken! In fact, as New York's MTA implores us, "if you see something, say something" and be sure to report any humus eaters to law enforcement.