Sex & Relationships

Squirt Stories: Somebody Wrote the Book On Female Ejaculation

Few topics seem more polarizing than the squirting orgasm.

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Does the "squirting orgasm" exist?

Most squirt cynics will cite a particular study that claims the fluid some women emit during sexual stimulation is simply urine (though the authors did note that the fluid also contained traces of prostatic secretions). A total of seven women participated in that study. 

Then there are those in the squirt-positive camp; individuals who have had a lot of hands-on experience with the stuff, and have come to the conclusion that it’s not urine.

No matter what side of the coin you fall on, it’s worth asking, why do women who say they have experienced this have to defend their orgasm? If squirting is something they say they enjoy, something that feels good, then what's the point of arguing against it?

Squirting: A Sisterhood

“I hope what I’m doing opens up the discussion. I’m trying to undo some of the shame associated with squirting,” says author Raine Leigh, who released her book Squirt Stories: Tales of Real Life Squirters earlier this summer.

The book features lengthy interviews with women from around the world, detailing their experiences with squirting. “Not porn stars but your next door neighbor, the mom down the street, the person you cross in the grocery store.”

Leigh is also author of Squirting: It’s Easier Than You Think. The book reads somewhat like a manual, providing tips and information to help women master the art of ejaculation.

In reference to her new book, Leigh says, “I wanted other voices to be heard. I wanted to show people what others were experiencing.”

But getting women to open up wasn’t always easy. She told me over the phone, “I would have liked to have a lot more women contribute to this book. Unfortunately, it is hard for women to talk about it. So even though I got a lot of response initially, people actually coming through to share their stories didn’t happen like I thought it would.”

“I was really proud of the women who did it, because it was very difficult for a few of them.”

Leigh, a seasoned squirter herself, first experienced the phenomenon during her early 30s. She explained, “I’m finding that as I start talking to more and more people it happened [to them] later in life. 30s and up. I think as you get more comfortable with your sexuality, those things start to happen.”

Leigh tells me her favorite “squirting technique” is when her partner performs oral sex on her, with his fingers inside, making the “come hither” motion.  She added, “If you really want to squirt, your focus should be on having a very long sexual session and really playing for awhile. That’s how it happened the first time for me. I had been having sex for hours.”

When I asked her if she was able to squirt every time she achieves orgasm, she told me, “On my own, yes.”

Squirting Solo

As I’ve written before, masturbation is a great way to get acquainted with your orgasms – squirting orgasms included. One of the biggest myths surrounding female ejaculation is that the experience can only be achieved when delivered by another. That is not so.

Sex therapist Susan Block once told me that she used to go up to her roof of her apartment building to practice squirting on her own (she didn’t want to deal with the mess). Other women, like Leigh, have been able to make themselves squirt through clitoral stimulation alone. Squirting, like all great things in life, comes with variety.

When discussing the women she interviewed, Leigh explained, “They were all various stages, and all had very different lifestyles. You had some that were bisexual, another one was a single mom with a boyfriend – just very different. I wouldn’t say there are really any similarities in how it first happened for them.”

And if you find yourself in the position of many women I know, who are curious about squirting but haven’t yet experienced it: relax. As Block says, “Don’t pressure yourself to do it if it doesn’t come easily. It’s not a requirement of being a woman.”

If you do  happen to be a squirter, and are practicing the art with a partner, it’s important to differentiate between what produces squirt and what produces pleasure. Leigh told me, “There’s this porn star out there who tries to train men in how to get a woman to squirt. The thing is, when you see his videos, he can get like 5 women to squirt in a row. He stimulates them very hard. He takes his fingers, puts them inside, finds that spot and push on it. Hard. And forcefully.”

She continued, “I’ve only had that happen to me once. The guy got me to squirt, but it was the worst squirting experience ever. It wasn’t enjoyable in any way. It’s a technique, but you’re not really pleasuring the woman. You’re producing squirt. But not pleasure. Some women enjoy that, but I don’t think the majority do.”                                                                                      

Squirting: Something to talk about

Leigh’s decision to write a book on female ejaculation stemmed, in part, from the fact that not many others had. She told me, “There’s not a lot out there. When I did my own research I had to dig very very deep.”

Leigh also revealed that she comes from a sexually traumatic past. She told me, “Going through the sexual trauma I did at such an early age sexualized my very early on. I knew about sex, and kind of identified with it, in a strange way. I think as I got older, I wanted the opposite. I wanted to enjoy healthy, fun, enjoyable side of sex.”

“I wrote a book about my abusive relationships. That book hasn’t done well at all. The squirting one continues to do really well. My first squirting book brings in consistent sales every month. I don’t even do much to promote it.”

“Clearly, there’s a need for this. Obviously people want it. And need it.”

Leigh says, “I think a lot of women focus on, and have historically focused on, the male receiving pleasure, and satisfying him. And that sex is about the man. Female ejaculation changes that.”

“When we’re with a man and they ejaculate, we feel like something is finished. There’s an accomplishment there. And men don’t always get that, because we don’t always orgasm or they can’t tell when we do. So squirting is a little something extra for them, like ‘Hey this is done, I accomplished something good.’”

She added, "When I wrote my first book, I wrote it for women. But I actually had many more men responding to it and reading it. I mean they were the ones who were like, ‘I want to help my partner do this, and I want to understand how to give her pleasure.’

For those interested in achieving ejaculation, Leigh offers this bit of advice, “Relax. Relax everything. We’re talking about your entire body. You’re body, your mind. You have to be open to it. Relax your inhibitions. All of it.”

“Relax into the sexual experience. Have three of four hours of sex. Be open to it. Focus on that. Stay in the moment. Feel everything. Look at everything. When I say relax, it’s everything.”

Carrie Weisman is a writer focusing on sex, relationships and culture.