comments_image Comments

Obsessed with high-school love

Hello Cary!

I'm a 20-something person who's been in a relationship with a great 20-something guy for about 16 months; it's a good bond, we are there for each other, we have plans for our future together, we can say we love each other, and in general I can honestly say, at least on my end, that I'm really happy with him and that I think he feels the same way about me.

But there is a "third wheel on our bike": his first real significant other, a girl he dated in high school for two years. Their relationship, from what he has told me, was the typical sort of young, immature love that led to broken hearts, and they haven't even spoken in more than three years. But, Cary, it seems that he can't let this girl go (or at least the memory of her). He dreams about her, tries to send her messages, he talks about her in a way I've never heard a man talk about an ex-girlfriend; I've come upon him talking fondly about her to other people, and during our worst fights he has said that the desirable traits that I lack were ones that she had. I try and try to just drop her from my mind, but she keeps coming up between us. If I ask him why he thinks she is such a fixture in his mind, he says it's only because she was the first person he loved. When I ask him if I'll ever be like that for him, he can only say "in time."

Continue Reading...