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I’m in a sexless gay couple

Dear Cary,

Ugh. I am 49, gay, in a sexless relationship and unappreciated. I halted my lucrative career when my employer wanted me to move overseas. My partner has a business here, which would've been impossible to run from there. I left my firm, and I am now running my partner's business. Incidentally, he reneged on the move overseas. He had initially agreed, then changed his mind.

I am miserable. I am 49. We have pets. I am not terribly rich, although many would call us that. I guess we have more than most. I'm pissed that I always cave. I always acquiesce. My needs and desires are always secondary. Or dismissed. Rarely heard.

I'm 49 ... I can't start again, can I? My dogs need me ... I love them. What about them?

I long for appreciation, affection. I can't give it to him because he deprives me. He must want it, too. I know people divorce or break up all the time. Why can't I? Am I that weak? I'm so alone, afraid. We're viewed as this model couple ... high achievers, attractive, well-educated, traveled, connected. I think I don't care about a lot of that, but my inaction says I do. I'm not shallow, I'm afraid. What advice do you have?

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