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Hey, moralists, spare us the monogamy speech

Back in 2004, just after San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom’s controversial move issuing same-sex marriage licenses, I went on a date with a good-looking fella I’d met through friends. The topic of monogamy came up – not in the context of some imagined, romantic future for the two of us but in the ado (and much of it) caused as much by Newsom’s boldness as by the legalization of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts the previous autumn.

My date offered, unsolicited, his opinion about gay men who indulge their sexual needs openly and, let us say, frequently. I worked my way through the bread basket as he bloviated. Though my own sexual needs had grown more restrained by 2004, I found his derision offensive and presumptuous. I believe he thought I would agree with him – but of course! I tried to keep my own inner Judge-y McJudgowitz from judging him; differing opinions can lead to some surprising education and I figured I’d go ahead and express my point of view, even if it caused a debate.

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