It's the Rapture! (Or Not.) A Round-Up of Rapture-Related "News"

By now we know that Harold Camping was incorrect in his prediction that the end of the world would commence today, seeing as the rapture was to have hit Tokyo at 5:00 am Eastern time, and no such thing appears to have occurred. But no matter! Steadfast believers in the May 21 rapture are apparently holding out hope that the end of the world is stillnigh -- and the rest of us are spending our Saturday laughing smugly at them.

Whichever camp you fall in, you might find this "Will You Be Raptured?" flowchart helpful and/or amusing.

If you're a despite-the-evidence rapture believer, you might want to look into post-rapture pet insurance or After the Rapture Pet Care, which each ensure that your pet will be taken care of by one of the athiests left on earth. From the Eternal Earth-Bound Pets website:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved.  But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind?   Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward.  Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 26 states, employing 40 pet rescuers.  Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to  rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life. 

That is, of course, if you haven't euthanized your pets already. (A serious note: That is fucking awful. What is wrong with people?)

On another sad note, the parents in this family, profiled by the New York Timesthis week, believe (believed?) the rapture is coming, leaving their three teenage children seriously confused about the world. Even worse, the parents don't think their kids are coming along for the Great Ascendance:

“My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” Grace Haddad, 16, said. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.”


Other families and individuals have spent their life savings in recent months, believing the world would end this weekend. One of those people is Robert Fitzpatrick, a retired engineer from Staten Island, who spent his nest egg plastering New York City with the-rapture-is-coming signage. As The Daily Beast reports:

In the last month, Fitzpatrick has done for the Rapture what Dr. Zizmor did for skin care. Fitzpatrick’s ads line subway cars, subway platforms, and bus shelters. The Staten Island Advance carries them, and so does the trade publication Defense News, out of Springfield, Virginia. Fitzpatrick says that “blowing the trumpet” about Judgment Day cost him a sum in the low six figures—his life savings.

Over at Raw Story, executive editor Megan Carpentier is live-blogging the rapture-that-wasn't. Check out the live-blog for some good rapture-themed tunes and lots of weird tidbits. For instance: "Though we suspect even some of Camping's most devoted followers might be getting a tetch suspicious if they, like he, are watching CNN and it's dearth of death and destruction, 41% of Americans expect that Jesus will return by 2050, including 58 percent of white evangelical Americans." But by May 21, 2011? Not so much.

AlterNet / By Lauren Kelley

Posted at May 21, 2011, 4:13am

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