Secret Service to Call Ryan "Bowhunter": Nine Better Nicknames They Could Have Used

The secret service has officially dubbed Paul Ryan "Bowhunter." It's very zeitgeisty, what with the Hunger Games and all that, but it doesn't tell us much about the guy.

I thought I'd come up with a few alternatives that might more accurately describe the Veep candidate to potential voters.

1. Noodler. Apparently this is the kind of bare-handed fishing Ryan likes to do. It has a certain limp resonance. Wonder why they chose bow-hunter instead?

2. Ladykiller. This works well as a double-entendre because of his boyish good looks BUT ALSO because he supported the Let Women Die Act. Get it? Hahaha.

3. Brown-noser. Kissing up to the Right Wing establishment since his first steps into public service (suggested by AlterNet's own Joshua Holland).

4. Rand-flipper.Does he worship Ayn Rand or not? Make up your mind, Paul Ryan.

5. Lyin' Ryan. It's already a hashtag. "Pinocchio" would work nicely, too, in this category.

6. Budget-bomber. Remember when reportsurfaced saying that Ryan scuttled a "Grand Bargain" budget deal because he was afraid it might work--and then blamed its collapse on Obama?

7. Stimulus-begger. Ryan penned an eloquent pea for stimulus funds for his district AT THE VERY SAME TIME he was denouncing the stimulus as being all about the bureaucratic central planners' crushing noble individualists to the ground. Hypocrite would work nicely, too, in this category.

8. Slowpoke. Okay, I admit that workout-obsessed Paul Ryan would kick my blogging butt in an old-fashioned footrace, but why did he lie about his marathon time again? Maybe he's a compulsive fibber. Which brings us to...

9. Compulsive fibber. Not catchy, possibly depends too much on armchair psychoanalysis, but nicely self-explanatory all the same.

UPDATE: Another great one from the comments: Granny-hunter.

AlterNet / By Sarah Seltzer

Posted at September 4, 2012, 9:22am

Sign Up!
Get AlterNet's Daily Newsletter in Your Inbox
+ sign up for additional lists
Select additional lists by selecting the checkboxes below before clicking Subscribe:
Election 2018
Today's Top Stories