Election 2016

25 Best Songs For Surviving the GOP Convention

Because we're going to need a little artistic relief.

Photo Credit: Magnus Brath at Flickr

The Republican National Convention is finally upon us. And, without a trace of irony or self-awareness, it’s being held in thestrip joint capital of the country!  Even moderate Republicans are reeling at what is being called “the most conservative platform in modern history.”  Evidently, it still bears repeating: slavery to monarchs and ministers, which the world will be long freeing itself from, and whose deadly grasp stops the progress of the human mind, is not yet abolished.

However, you have to stay upbeat, so to speak. So, in sympathy withRage Against the Machine’sTom Morello, and in anticipation of this weeklong celebration of the Republican Party’shijacking by radicalfundamentalists bent ontheocracy, here is a list of songs to alleviate an epidemic of  dazed struck-dumbedness around theworld.

Initially, this was simply a list of the songs on the soundtrack from the children’s movieShark Tales, which was the perfect example of how we subtly transmit deplorable values to our children while entertaining them to death with cartoon characters.  The kids’ movie, not the Convention, of course.  No joke, here are the names of the songs: Gold Digger (check out thelyrics, because you know thatall women are),Secret Love, Some ofMy Best Friends are Sharks,Lies and Rumours. It would have been ok, but those songs mostly covered sexism and homophobia and there is so much more to the Convention! There’s shredding theenvironment, denying science in all kinds ofcreative ways, banningcritical thinking,stripping women of their rights, eliminating any semblance of ahumane social safety net, oh!, lest we forget,helping the rich pay fewer taxes in order to justify a long-failed trickle down policy. 

 Here goes:

1. Mika, "Blame it on the Girls"

2. Regina Spektor, "Ballad of a Politician"

3. The Wombats, "Here Comes The Anxiety"

4. 2 Chainz f. Nicki Minaj, "I Luv Dem Strippers"

5. Jessie J, "Price Tag"

6. Angus and Joss Stone, "The Boys" (On Flip Flopping)

7. Phoenix, "1901" (no really,it’s not 1901, just a reminder)

8. Dizzee Rascal, "Money Money Money Money" (Girls, girls, cash, cash)

9. Pitbull, "Back in Time" (evenfurther)

10. Rizzle Kicks, "Demolition Man"

If economic policy, jobs and wealth distribution are your primary concerns:

11. One Direction, "Same Mistakes" (Notthose,these)

12. Mac Miller, "Party on 5th Avenue" (but you’renot invited)

13. David Byrne and Talking Heads, "Road to Nowhere" (AGAIN)

14. VV Brown, "Shark In The Water"

If, instead, you are interested in your privacy, bodily autonomy or equal protection under the law and you are looking for something to take the edge off of any subtle or not so subtlemisogyny,homophobia orracism or maybe to ease specific anxieties aboutviolenceagainst women orrape apologies or just a straightforward articulation of male domination, skip straight to these:

15. Mika, "Billy Brown" (might have needed agay-therapy clinic)

16. No Doubt, "It’s My Life"

17. Arctic Monkeys, "When The Sun Goes Down" (it’s aViolence Against Women thing)

18. Ke$ha, "Dinosaur"

19. B.o.B. f. Janelle Monae, "The Kids"

Fundamental disconnection from reality, miscellaneous strolls down election year memory lane and wrap up:

20. MGMT, "Time to Pretend"

21. The Shins, "Girl Sailor" (‘cause who can forgetwomen-should-expect-to-be-raped-Trotta)

22. Mitt RomneyTalks to Some Black People  (Formerly Baha Men, "Who Let The Dogs Out")

23. Elisa Doolittle, "Pack Up"

24. Jack Johnson, "Crying Shame"

25. Vampire Weekend, "Run"

BONUS TRACK: Last, but definitely not least, for when you just can’t stand another minute or cannot imagine how we are on the verge of allowing a small group of power hungry people to corruptly trade our fundamental rights away. 

Lily Allen, "F**K You"

I hope you liked this list of catchy tunes and that they help distract you as you watch in stunned disbelief. If you, too, have songs that lyrically addresspredation,unresolved homosexuality, thinly veiledracism,internalized sexism, sexism, unconscionable wealth gaps, the effects of compulsory poverty, the impact of adegraded VAWA,rape apologies andpatriarchs scared ofsingle women and all theyimply please add the to the list in comments.